Approach Anxiety Tips?

[Goatboy]

I've figured my toughest initial obstacle to overcome, bar the wheelchair, is my often times crippling approach anxiety, so I've decided to go to a mall tomorrow, and approach 10 or more girls. Even if all I can manage is a "Hi" I'll consider it a win. Any recommended reading?

 

[Mr.Rob]

If you've never approached before biting off approaching ten hot women with a "hi" might be a little too much to chew.

I'd start off by asking 1 girl for directions to a store or the time. Something very socially normal. If you can do that a couple times then go try saying "hi" a couple times and if you can do that then go tell a girl she's cute.

Start off small and work your way up otherwise your going to freak yourself out and possibly be too overwhelming to have any drive to go out and talk to women again.

Good luck.

-Rob

 

[PinotNoir]

Even though I never finished it (because of life), so I'm not a good spokesperson for it, I think the Newbie Assignment is a great place to start.

Since it's your very first outing, I'd suggest removing the idea of asking out a girl in the mall from your head; that way it's not as stressful and not as much anxiety.

Approach 10 women with just very common questions and see if you decide to take it any further.

Examples:

"Hi, excuse me, do you have the time?"
"Hi, excuse me, do you know where the Starbucks is?" (or some other place)
"Hi, excuse me, do you know what time the mall closes?"

These should be pretty easy to ask. If you get the urge, then you can compliment them on their looks, but it's best not to worry about that the first time.

Some bonuses:

Go into a clothing store. If a girl asks if she can help you:
"Yes, but you have to answer honestly... Does this wheelchair make my butt look fat?"
This will get you a laugh from a pretty girl, so it should boost your confidence to keep approaching

Approach one girl and compliment her on what she is wearing or on her looks. Again, you are NOT asking her out, just brightening the day of a beautiful woman.

At a Coffee/Tea place, purchase something. When talking with the cashier, ask, "You look familiar. Do you got to school around here?" If she's in college, ask her major. If she's in high school, ask what college she is thinking about going to. If she's not in school, then say, "Oh, I guess don't know you then. Are you pursuing anything outside of here? Like beauty school or writing a novel?" This conversation may be awkward, but it's just giving you experience/practice with conversation, so again, don't stress about it. If it goes poorly, who cares.

Good luck!

 

[Goatboy]

Start off small and work your way up otherwise your going to freak yourself out and possibly be too overwhelming to have any drive to go out and talk to women again.

I'll keep that in mind.

Since it's your very first outing, I'd suggest removing the idea of asking out a girl in the mall from your head; that way it's not as stressful and not as much anxiety.

Yeah, I'm not aiming for that, really, not yet.

Approach one girl and compliment her on what she is wearing or on her looks. Again, you are NOT asking her out, just brightening the day of a beautiful woman.

That was already a given, the mindset I was thinking to use is: to not take it, or myself, too seriously, try to have fun with it, and expect nothing beyond that.


Thanks btw, both of you

 

[Mr.Rob]

post a Field Report when you get back and tell how it went!

 

[PinotNoir]

post a Field Report when you get back and tell how it went!

I second this! I'd love to read it.

 

[Eric]

That was already a given, the mindset I was thinking to use is: to not take it, or myself, too seriously, try to have fun with it, and expect nothing beyond that.

This made me laugh, it made me remember a time when I had gone out with a few friends to the mall...

Except we played a game where we would point and tell the friend what to say, and he had to say it, and then keep conversation going without breaking the 4th wall (admitting it was a dare). We had our black friend get an interview at a lingerie shop. We had our other friend go up and ask "Can I have a dollar?" while incredibly speech impaired (and a deadpan face).

I had to go up to two girls and tell them my penis was GIGANTIC as an opener, and I continued conversation with them as if I had never said it... which actually worked, I walked back barely containing my laughter. One of my friends had to go up to them and confirm that I actually said that because he didn't quite believe me.

Have fun with it! It's a blast.

 

[Goatboy]

Livereport: so, in one and a half hour, all I've managed to do is feel like a weirdo, going back and forth, glancing into stores, seen a few possible candidates, but can't seem to get myself moving.

 

[PinotNoir]

Livereport: so, in one and a half hour, all I've managed to do is feel like a weirdo, going back and forth, glancing into stores, seen a few possible candidates, but can't seem to get myself moving.

Get some social momentum. I don't know if you'll read this in time. Just ask someone for the time! Man or woman. Even if she's an old woman, ask her! You can do it, man!

Then use the social momentum to pull you further.

 

[Goatboy]

Well, that went... not so good... not a single approach.

But I ain't giving up, no sir! Going out tonight, see if I can manage something then, and also going to try again tomorrow.

Atleast I got some practice moving slow and making eye-contact. One issue was that alot of the girls were in pairs, how to deal with that? Also, early on, I noticed two cute ones eating at a cafe/resturant thingie, can you appproach then, seems abit rude?

 

[Goatboy]

Get some social momentum. I don't know if you'll read this in time. Just ask someone for the time! Man or woman. Even if she's an old woman, ask her! You can do it, man!

Then use the social momentum to pull you further.

I'll keep that in mind tomorrow, and tonight.