Are you Happy or just Comfortable?

[metomeya]

Hey guys,

I read this post on Your Brain Rebalanced and it got me thinking. Specifically, the section "It's Not Orgasm What You Crave"
http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=15558.0

Wanted to post a few thoughts I've been having. The big question is: Are you happy or just comfortable?

By comfortable I mean all you needs and even wants have been met except for one: the feeling of being alive!

Very easy to have your desires fulfilled in this society: food, shelter, sex...but even higher ones like love, and respect. Think about it when you go to an outlet mall the customer service shows you so much "respect" cause they want your money. Your parents love you and care for you and when you have kids they'll love you too. People will even love you for just been a human that is a part of our society. With easy access to food (do you know how rare it was to eat fruit back in the day? my dad told me he would only get a single orange if it was Christmas...imagine that!), drugs, entertainment (blockbuster $100 million budget movies, 100s of tv channels), porn, internet (youtube, more porn, reddit, internet forums, flash games, even more porn), video game consoles (online gaming, murder, explosions, and online characters), PC games, and all the junk food you want. Want someone to touch you? Just pay for a full body massage, why not pay for two masseuses to massage you at the same time at that fancy resort while your at it. Lonely, just pay for some speed dating seminar, or some pickup artist to show you the ropes. Or you could pay for a girl that night. Depressed, just get that psychologist to listen to your shitty story and give you some drugs. Sad laying in bed tonight? just go jerk off. Don't worry, you'll feel better in the morning.

It is not enough.

We need to feel live not just once in a life time, but on a regular basis! We crave it deep within our soul.

Whether it is that having fun with friends, or falling in love. We need that high.

Trying to get that high isn't an addiction. No, an addiction is when you go after that same thing or behavior hoping to get that high again even when you know it won't deliver.

But to feel alive is to be human, if not, then our existence is pointless.

Are you happy or just comfortable?

Right now I am so comfortable it is scary.

It is scary that I could live the rest of my life like this. This bizarre mute existence. I can't let it end this way...

 

[PinotNoir]

I would say that I'm "comfortable" with "happy" moments (in quotes, because we're using different definitions here than what I think of as happy and comfortable).

There's always something exciting that I do every year, whether that's a new adventure of some sort, new vacation to some place different, new thing I learn, new thing I try (food, etc.), or some new risk.

To me, I don't think you can be 100% "happy" all of the time, but there should always be something that is progressing your life. Once a month, try something new or go somewhere new or do something out of your comfort zone (something that you say you "hate" but have never even tried).

Now, I could definitely do more, and I probably should. This is a good post and reminder I stopped playing video games during college because I was enjoying real socializing too much to enjoy video games anymore! You just have to force yourself out of your comfort zone.

Even with approaching women, there's always some new adventure. "I've never approached a group of Muslim girls; this is going to be interesting." "I've never opened a girl while driving in my car; this is going to be interesting." And so on. The trick is actually doing it and getting yourself to find it "interesting" and "exciting" instead of "intimidating." Any new opportunity (within reason), should be seen as a potentially exciting adventure. You don't know the outcome, and you have no prior experience to fall back on, but it's a lot more exciting than just always being "comfortable."

If you really feel this way, I'd suggest making a big TODO list of stuff to try, and try each once a month (buying paints and a canvas and painting something, going on a train ride to a different city for a weekend, etc.). As far as women, you can make a separate TODO list, but if you're consciously approaching/opening whenever an opportunity presents itself, then you will always have new adventures in that area (at least from beginner to intermediate level; while when advanced, there will still be new stuff, but less I assume).

However, I do think some of this stuff will be a constant, especially when you're feeling particularly stressed/depressed. I still enjoy just surfing the internet, reading random Wikipedia articles. I still enjoy playing random games of online chess. But, I do NOT only do "comfortable simulations" of everything. I also go out and have new adventures. I think, as Aristotle said, you have to have things in moderation. If you are 100% always pushing your boundaries, you'll eventually break. You never want to be "too comfortable" or "too happy" (in the sense of never having a 2nd to stop and relax).

 

[metomeya]

Hey PinotNoir,

I agree with you on the TODO list. Problem was I did a TODO list but things on the list weren't really what I wanted in life. Sure they sounded great (skydiving, 90 min massage, even sex), but it wasn't what I really wanted/needed in life. The list ultimately let me justify my comfortable lifestyle. I think when you do a TODO list you have to be brutally honest with your self in what you want out of life. That stuff on my life was exciting stuff but honestly didn't make me feel alive. Ultimately, "excitement" and "feeling alive" are two different emotions although very very close to each other. Life goals that grow you (friends, lovers, & accomplishments) are more closely linked to the "feeling alive" emotion.

And approaching women is the one thing that is always novel, exciting, and makes me feel alive. I hope that never changes! Even though sex is more pleasurable approaching girls can feel much more fulfilling and exciting at times. Now if I could start sleeping with the girls I approach it would be the best of both worlds.

Also the internet is one of the best things in my life when it comes to finding knowledge, but you have to do it in moderation and I have yet to that balance at this time of life. And at this point, might be best if removed for a period of time.

 

[TheWiseFool]

I am both. I understand that happiness, like all feelings, is fleeting. Understanding that fact allows me to take comfort in whatever I choose to do or be in life, and because of that comfort I am happy. Everything else is just extra. I will say however, that choosing to live that lifestyle, although perfect for me, is something I do not want because I find myself in situations where I purposefully engross myself in situations where I am serving a higher purpose, such as the poor, needy, less fortunate. I like to make things efficient. If I am going to accomplish such goals, I can't allow myself to be comfortable. And since I can't allow myself to become comfortable with where I am in life, I believe happiness will never be achieved. I know I am farthest from my goals when I start to get comfortable, especially when I ALLOW myself some form of comfort.... I have to actively make a decision to be uncomfortable because through that discomfort I am disciplining myself to become the man I want to be for the world. Currently, I am working on getting back on track to how I was in september, early october. I just need to take my finals on Tuesday and my month break will be spent disciplining my mind and body to obey me. Great post! Hopefully I wasn't just rambling and gave some positive feedback
- The Wise Fool

 

[PinotNoir]

Good points. If it's an ultimate goal of what you truly desire, then Chase has some great articles on that subject. The article like 100 Hours and some others.

In the past, I've faced the problem where I put so much pressure on an ultimate goal that I couldn't even begin. And by just thinking all of the time "I need to be working on this," it jeopardized anything else I was doing that I didn't deem as important.

And, when starting out, you have this mindset that it has to be perfect and that everyday you have to commit 1 hour (or more) to it. But, in my experience, that is very hard starting out.

I don't know what your ultimate goal is, but the beginning has to be baby steps. And if you think it's what you truly desire, then you have to work on it at least once a week. You have to value action over dreams and thoughts more than anything.

Start today. Work on it for 10 minutes. Have tomorrow off. Then the next day work on it for 10 minutes again. Alternate days like this and slowly add more time. Always have Friday off or whatever day you go out a lot. Set a certain time you always do it, e.g. 3 PM, if that helps.

For example, if you want to ultimately write a novel, then you'll spend 10 minutes today on characters (names, attributes, etc.). You'll eventually do all characters, the outline, some research, and eventually begin writing, but today you would only focus a small time on the beginning. At first, it may appear too slow, but it's a lot faster than never even starting.

When I was a kid, there were so many things that I thought that I would have accomplished by 24 and 25, and now at 26, I've only accomplished one of those childhood goals, and I'm finally beginning to push myself to do the other dreams I had. Don't live in regret.

Really, you have to change your mindset to love the journey and not the goal. You need to love the practice and training -- the steps to it.

At the same time, you have to live and enjoy life too Don't let fun pass you by.

 

[TheWiseFool]

I certainly agree with all that you've said Pinot. I was just like this...

Really, you have to change your mindset to love the journey and not the goal. You need to love the practice and training -- the steps to it.

... in the summer.

This was my perspective. And then, I found girlschase and I just let my world become enveloped in learning all that this site has to offer! Girls were no where near my mind, but now... I can change that. And my work ethic has gone to poop. I, by no means am blaming anyone. I knew full and well the consequences of my actions... of taking a bite from the tree of knowledge, just as Eve had done however many years ago... and it was worth it. I do not regret anything. If I lived in regret, I would not be the man I am today. I just need to continue growing, continue in returning to that balance I had achieved. I need to understand that when I add something to the balance, there will be ripple effects... and it may take days, weeks, months, years, even decades before balance is achieved once again. The patterns and trends of the universe are beautiful, don't you agree?

I will take into account the advice to getting back on track that you've given me in regards to starting again. Great to meet another poet
- The Wise Fool

 

[PinotNoir]

TWF, are you Buddhist (a compliment)? You sound a lot like my Buddhist/Taoist friend haha.

Don't beat yourself up too bad about getting off track. Unfortunately, I think it's only human. Even if it's a passion, our minds get bored of the same, constant thing. We desire change and progress, and it can be very draining when there is no tangible progress. You just don't want to go more than a month without doing it though; then you slip into complacency.

 

[TheWiseFool]

Wow I can't believe you said that... I'm soooo offended

I am Christian actually. My years in college, currently a junior, have been one gigantic rollercoaster, which has led me to come to understand and see life differently, but also understand and see myself differently. The system(s) and parts, how they work, how they interact and relate to one another. When you look at life through a perspective different to what is common in society... worries become meaningless and fall to the way side. You must have thought I was Buddhist because I have this philosophy that I stumbled upon when trying to control my mind while experiencing a panic attack while under the influence of hallucinogens. Curiosity is a double-edged sword like many things in life. The idea/philosophy that I stumbled upon pervades all things in life. It can drive you insane, but in the end, you realize that there is no point trying to control your own life because no matter what you do, it doesn't matter, life goes on, so just enjoy the ride. I try not to follow such a philosophy because it does not coincide with the ways of the Lord. A voice or idea that gives you this belief that you can do whatever you want because it doesn't matter what you do is of the devil. But, believe what you want to believe... I have my own shtuff and you yours... it's all perception

Don't beat yourself up too bad about getting off track. Unfortunately, I think it's only human. Even if it's a passion, our minds get bored of the same, constant thing. We desire change and progress, and it can be very draining when there is no tangible progress. You just don't want to go more than a month without doing it though; then you slip into complacency.

Truth. It's always nice to have those things in life that bring you back into focus. I'm a loner in the real world because I try to surround myself with positive individuals. Most people my age are still growing up and have that low male status mentality of making fun of each other, complaining, negative and unproductive personality types. Fortunately, the GC blog and GC forums are a place to cultivate such people. So I thank you for these words. For reminding me of the mantras I tend to forget. I find that I am self-comforting myself often (which I don't mind), it is just difficult to keep myself balanced when I allow myself to be affected by strong emotions (it's nice to allow yourself to "feel" sometimes, to experience the full spectrum of emotions afforded to the majority of human beings).
- The Wise Fool

 

[metomeya]

After some thought, I wanted to comment more on my post.

I think it is the feeling of being truly fulfilled that we are looking for. Just how "excitement" and "feeling alive" are two different emotions (but very close), feeling "comfortable" and the "feeling of being fulfilled" are two different emotions. However, obviously, feeling alive will usually give the feeling of being fulfilled afterwards. Just my thoughts.

On your comments, I see myself as Taoist. Why? Cause I can always trust math and statistics (just look at casinos) no matter how complicated something is. Thus there is a flow in life that you would benefit from being a part of. I also see myself has a Locationist. What on earth is a Locationist? Basically, it is not only realizing that certain areas bring in certain people (because of statistics), but it is actively factoring that in the decisions you make (think, "location, location, location!"). Finally, I see myself as an Existentialist. Why? Cause I believe in science. Basically, existentialist say that the universe in and of itself is enough to give meaning to your life. There is no need for something outside of it. Those that argue against that, I would say you grossly underestimate just how beautiful, complicated, and bound with possibilities our universe really is.

Now, if you read the paragraph above, it sounds like a long way of saying that I'm an atheist. Actually, I would say agnostic. I think only truly bitter people would ever rule with the existence of a God. With that said, super religious person freak me out. Simply cause I choose the wrong religion I don't get into Heaven, or end up in purgatory (possibly Hell). I just can't say a truly benevolent God doing that (assuming I tried my best to help my common man).

I hate saying that I'm Agnostic (and someone saying that they are Atheist is even worth). Why? Cause just how when I say I'm Vegan I get lumped in with all the weird hippy vegan freaks (who I can't stand), I think if you say Agnostic or Atheist you get lumped into the bitter atheist freaks in this world (who I also can't stand).

On a positive note, I find it interesting how when we use science to explain how things work in the universe people tend to get depressed since we are taking the mystery out of it. But it shouldn't be this way. We are simply giving things different and more accurate labels. It doesn't change what things really are and always shall be.

Just like Shakespeare said, "A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet!"

 

[TheWiseFool]

metomeya,

"I am who I am" solves everything

think, "location, location, location!"

Sounds more like opportunist to me haha! Great mindset.
The quality of our lives is determined, in large part, by where we are and what time we are at a specific position. However, one can rule out that we have no control over our own lives. That our program was written before everything began, by something outside the limits of space, time, and matter. Remember those old screen savers with the floating objects that follow a trajectory based on where it collides on the borders of your windows screen? All the variables, despite a few visible ones, are present and in place. One just needs to run the program and everything just happens. What if that is us right now? What if we are that old screensaver on a infinitesimal scale? That the occurrence of every single thing in the universe is not what we are doing but the expected result(s) of many many many mathematical equations. Does that make sense?

I don't know if I said this already, but when I came to this realization, I thought, "Then what's the point of doing anything if everything that I've done and everything I will do is already preprogrammed, not just me but everyone?" That's where free will comes in and that is where I find myself relating to you. Our present and ever increasing knowledge of the concepts of math and science are our gift, our ability to cheat the system and use it for our own means.

On a positive note, I find it interesting how when we use science to explain how things work in the universe people tend to get depressed since we are taking the mystery out of it. But it shouldn't be this way. We are simply giving things different and more accurate labels. It doesn't change what things really are and always shall be.

Do you think you'd be happy if you knew why or how everything worked? Would you be trying to seduce women if you knew the exact formula to win every time? I doubt it, simply because people who become great at a specific video game get bored of it once they know every little thing they're suppose to do for each specific scenario. Turn left here, jump at the gap, turn these skills on, etc. There has to be a bit of mystery or else we wouldn't care.

For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief (Ecclesiastes 1:18).

Ignorance is bliss no? Some people just enjoy the act of wondering. Take children for example, they are interested in everything because they don't know why or how many things work. But there are also people that take pleasure in knowing what comes next. All perspective as usual. Everyone sees differently. You can either get them to understand your perspective and see if they'll convert to your perception, or let them be in their opinion or ignorance of your specific thought process.

Science is a wonderful thing, but I'd like to post this link to a ted talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nq0_zGzSc8g
My main point from the talk is that science is wonderful, but with each solution discovered by science, more questions will come and what comes with questions? Problems. And then people will want those problems solved and solutions will be made and it is an endless cycle of solving and asking (infinity).

As a scientist, I believe you would enjoy this quote: "There is nothing in this world that is truly "perfect". Though it may be a rather large cliche, it is still the truth. It is the ordinary people who look up to "perfection" as an ideal and seek after it. But in truth, what is this idea of "perfection" truly worth? Nothing. Not a single thing. I detest "perfection". To be "perfect" is to be unable to improve any further. There would be no scope for "creation", not a single gap in one's knowledge or one's ability. Do you see now? To true scientists like you and I, "Perfection" is tantamount to "despair". We aspire to reach greater levels of brilliance than ever before, but never, NEVER, to reach perfection. That is the paradox through which we scientists must struggle. Indeed, it is our duty to find pleasure in that struggle. In other words, the second you allowed yourself to spout a ridiculous word like "perfect", in truth, you had already been defeated. That is if you wish to be treated as a scientist."

Don't get me wrong, I love science. However, I understand how futile our efforts are in making our lives better. Human beings are chasing after perfection, but it is unachievable goal. We are constantly molding ourselves and our environment to achieve such a state. I have accepted this understanding and take joy in this understanding rather than feeling miserable and helpless and sad about as most people do. Once we let go of this need to obtain or chase after something, we are free from want and need and enter this enlightened state of pure peace and freedom. You are no longer in the rat race, you are no longer chained to the wall of Plato's cave, you see the matrix and systems and cogs and it is beautiful. You are free to go wherever you want and do what you want with little care for anything because you understand how transient life is. It doesn't matter what we do now because we are just a tiny tiny tiny tiny fragment in the grand-scale of space, time, matter, everything! People will notice this in you and you don't even need to say anything. What is love? What is fear? What is success? Who am I and who are you? What is the meaning of it all? It all doesn't matter anymore because you get to define it for yourself, we determine our futures as my existentialist brothers say. You feel alive because you define what being alive is. For me, it simply is, "Existing and having the opportunity to be a part of it all." Simple things like sitting at lunch and watching people makes me feel alive. Walking to class, looking into a bowl of cereal or soup. It sounds stupid, but it's the most amazing thing ever cos I feel like a little child when I choose to see life this way. EVERYTHING is amazing and much more alive and new.

I wanted to close my response by saying that despite such thoughts, regarding my last paragraph, all humans are subject to fear, anxiety, and all those emotions that invoke the fight or flight response. For example, we are all subject to approach anxiety even though we may understand the fact that we are just going up to talk to someone and express interest in them, but our minds make it so difficult because of thousands of years of evolution. I'll add this quote I found last night and my thoughts about it, which may or may not pertain to this topic, but I believe it does:

"I couldn’t live with myself any longer. And in this a question arose without an answer: who is the ‘I’ that cannot live with the self? What is the self? I felt drawn into a void. I didn’t know at the time that what really happened was the mind-made self, with its heaviness, its problems, that lives between the unsatisfying past and the fearful future, collapsed. It dissolved."
Tolle recalls going out for a walk in London the next morning, and finding that “everything was miraculous, deeply peaceful. Even the traffic."

My thoughts: No matter how much we try to escape from the past, it will try to bring us back to where it wants us to be. We have to continually reject and separate ourselves from the parts of us that we do not want to be associated with. Separation from fear, anxiety, fear of stress, dislike of work, etc. What part of you do you not want as a part of you anymore? Break that part down, separate yourself from that part. Anything that part wants to do, don't do it. You are not that because you choose to not be, so why do you take part in what that part wants? You are who you choose to be. Don't give in, no matter how much that part wants and wills. You are who you choose to be. Accept that fact and make peace with it. Isn't that awesome? You are peaceful, you are beautiful, you are smart, creative, understanding, empathic, compassionate, you are all these things and much more. If anyone tries to tell you differently, then they just don't get it. They haven't beat life yet, they haven't cracked the code. All you can do is try your best and if your best doesn't produce the desired result, know that it doesn't matter, just go at it again and again, differently and with much more fervor. Frame of mind, frame of mind. Do I associate with their frame or the frame I want to believe in? I am who I choose to be. I am who I am.

 

[metomeya]

Wow, I feel like I shouldn't bring up anything remotely religious anymore. I'm too lazy to read long posts. ;p

I did want to touch on the idea that we are just robots fated to fulfill out program based on many many many mathematical equations. Just because I believe in math and statistics doesn't mean I believe in a world without free will or a predestined fate. If you zoom in to the world of quantum physics there is no way to predict things (like some mathematical equation to determine the trajectory of a subatomic particle...it doesn't exist). But you can determine the probability of where it will go. Like 10% will go this way 20% this way etc. adding up to 100%. So if you did it 100 times would they spit equally into each group? Not necessarily. Flip a coin a 100 times and you get heads each time. The probability of getting tails on your 101st flip must be pretty high right? Nope, it is still 50 50. There is no convergence to the probability. However, when you zoom out enough from the subatomic world things become very predicable (almost robotic). Just how if you flipped a coin a million times it would most likely not hit heads every single time and most likely play out 50 50. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quantum_mechanics

This predictability is essential for things to function. Our bodies rely on his to carry out biological functions. DNA could not do its job and grow/create human beings or anything for that matter.

But don't confuse predicability & probability with certainty.

Even if everything was certain, would we really be in the position say everything is pointless. The problem is we are in and a part of this universe. If a person was observing something and he already knew what was going to happen then he might lose interest and not bother watching. He would be in the position to say it is pointless. Like a screen saver. But this is only if the person wasn't a part of what he was observing. If the person was actually a computer program he wouldn't say what was happening in the computer and other programs executing their code has no value cause it is predictable as he would have no ability to comprehend the concept. He could only execute his code, but keep in the mind while his code may take advantage of the predictability of other programs, he still could never truly predict or understand what is going on. Only something of a higher consciousness could judge what was going on the computer as meaningless (say a person using the computer). That said, the only thing that could really deem our world as pointless would be a higher level of consciousness (say a god or the God). But such a higher consciousness may not even exist.

In addition, if the computer argue can be applied to the universe (that our capacity to understand the universe isn't possible just how a computer program will never have the capacity to understand the computer it is in), then our argument of fate vs. free will is probably an infantile one compared to what is actually going on as it is simply beyond our comprehension.

But again, I'm not arguing that our lives are just mathematical equations or that we have no free will, I just wanted to point out this argument there if that was the case.

The reason I push science and math some much is that people ignore it. Just flat out ignore it even though it hurts them, their friends, and their family. They just want to pretend it doesn't exist. To me that is just stupidity.

Proverbs 15:14
The heart of him who has understanding seeks knowledge, but the mouths of fools feed on folly.

Again, I don't think science or explaining things is bad. And I don't think it ever takes away from anything. If I had knowledge of how a mechanical watch is made, even if I built it myself, it doesn't take away from the value of providing me the time when I need it. If anything it provides more value, cause now I know how to fix the watch if it breaks.

"I am who I am" reminds me of the movie Pi at the end. You simply accept the mysteries of the universe. The universe is what it is. But at the same time, humanity trying to understand the mysteries isn't a bad thing even if it makes more mysteries to be solved! And if someone is worried about finding out all the mysteries of the universe is like saying we'll calculate the last digit past the decimal in pi one day.

First chapter in the Tao Te Ching:
The Tao that can be told
is not the eternal Tao.
The name that can be named
is not the eternal name.

The Tao is both named and nameless.
As nameless it is the origin of all things;
as named it is the mother of 10,000 things.

Ever desireless, one can see the mystery;
ever desiring, one only sees the manifestations.
And the mystery itself is the doorway
to all understanding

 

[metomeya]

Okay, here is what I orignally came here to post about:
http://boldanddetermined.com/2012/01/28/why-you-should-be-a-builder/

A good article related to the original post.

 

[metomeya]

Hey guys just found some awesome material here.

Check out the eBook at http://www.startgainingmomentum.com/

He doesn't just hit the nail on the head. He hits it 10 times in a row.

You have to sign up for the email subscription, but everything is free. Actually, I have no idea how this guys makes money from blogging, unless he gets paid to do guest posts.

He talks about breaking out of homeostasis (being comfortable). He also brings up some very interesting points on diet as well.

It is a long read, but worth it.

Enjoy!

 

[metomeya]

Hey Wisefool,

I thought about that old screen savers analogy you gave when I saw these videos. I think they are worth checking out.

Atomists vs. Vitalists
What is NOT Random?

A lecture by Stephen Hawking
Does God play Dice?

I like this quote from the lecture, "I feel these scientists have not learned the lesson of history. The universe does not behave according to our preconceived ideas. It continues to surprise us."