Openers "Are you married?"

[Marty]

In Game Openers That'll Get You Girls, one of my favorite articles, Ricardus writes:

I suggest you try this formula instead: ... Demand Compliance—e.g. "Are you single?", or "Are you married?"

Now this one may not work too well for the university undergraduates here, but for those of us who've been around the block in the mating game a couple times in our youth, and are here for another bite at the apple (or several!), I have to say that I find "Are you married?" superior to "Are you single?", for several reasons:

- It implies that you do not take too seriously any lesser relationship than marriage that she may have

- It functions as a sort of aggressive screen... whilst "Are you single?" has a ring of hopeful expectation about it, "Are you married?" sounds like you're actively clearing obstacles out of your path, and puts her even more off-balance while you're about it

- It gives you multiple options how to deal with any response, as I outline below

I've used this a couple times in the past week... I don't actually open immediately with it, I use it as a follow-up to going direct. It goes something like this for me:

"Is this place taken?" ... "I know there are plenty, but I wanted to talk to you: I saw you sitting here and have to tell you you're a very pretty girl, what's your name?" ... "Hey Kayla, I'm Marty. Yes, nice to meet you too. Are you married?"

OR:

"Hello, I saw you walking here from the other side of the street and I must say you look very lovely in that summer dress! It really flatters your figure beautifully, what's your name?" ... "Nice to meet you Jenna, I'm Marty. Are you married?"

This can go down a number of ways:

- "Yes, I'm married." Now the socially conservative ones amongst you may wish to bow out at this point; dependent upon body language and other nonverbal indicators, however, I'd typically keep going along the lines of: "Uh huh... So, what do you do for a living?" and proceed to establish rapport and deep dive. You can even say "That's good", with a mysterious break in eye contact and a shrug of the eyebrows (implying that you are not seeking a relationship as such), then change the subject.

- "No, but I have a boyfriend." This one's easy: you keep going and see where it leads you. You've already established (by your question) that you believe that a mere boyfriend is replaceable. Plus, it may well just be a test to determine your perseverance.

- "No." (without further attempt at qualification) Green light to continue to get to know her, plus by inquiring about her relationship status so early, you've made clear your sexual/romantic interest.

- "Why do you want to know?" I've never actually had this response, but I guess I'd use my imagination or go with Ricardus's recommendation: "Just curious..." and change the subject.

- "No, but I'm in a committed relationship." This is your cue to bail out, in my opinion. She's called your bluff by stating implicitly that she regards her commitment as firm regardless of legal status. I got this the first time I tried it, so I wished her a good day and moved on.

I don't bother with this with very young girls who appear to be under 22 or so, as it starts to sound ridiculous. Seems to work well with 24+ though.

Views on all of the above very welcome!

 

[metomeya]

Hmm...I know when watch guys ask girls out and they respond with "I'm married" while holding up her ring finger like you are an idiot. I would think you would get the same response with the "Are you married?" question. Maybe I am wrong. That is why I always look at their left hand first before approaching. Isn't that the whole point of having a ring on your hand?

 

[Marty]

I would think you would get the same response with the "Are you married?" question.

Never had this, and I've used it many times. A funny thing though, my recent date with LongSexyLegs went nowhere, but I did learn one thing.

At a critical point in our conversation, she actually said the following to me:

You never asked me whether I was married, so I assumed you didn't care either way.

Now she had been with relatives when I approached, and I'd already gone pretty direct with the "long sexy legs" remark on the opener, so I didn't feel the need to make my interest yet more obvious! But actually she was right... I never even contemplated a relationship with her, it was kinda off the cards the moment I saw her; and as far as her being married or unmarried was concerned, I wanted to screw her regardless.

So it just goes to show that sometimes this additional "screening" question is worth the effort, if only to allay the girl's concerns about you playing the field. I've only ever had one girl ask me the same in return, as it happens.