- Joined
- Nov 29, 2021
- Messages
- 109
i was reading the article https://www.girlschase.com/article/does-it-matter-if-your-girlfriend-keeps-photos-her-ex by @Chase and thought about some things, and I have a recent one case study to discuss.
I agree that if they are photos at the bottom of the gallery that you will not see or perhaps will happen to us once a year it is not a big problem, but I think that if, for example, it has things that we cannot see, unlike photos in the gallery on social media or frames, like t-shirts or jewels or whatever, it is useful to ask her these things, because if she is in contact with these things it is as if she will never be as attached to you as she should and the thoughts are directed to more people more than they should , maybe this is why we should be with girls with a low number of previous partners? maybe between 2 and 7 partners? or 7 are already too many if they are important relationships.
Now my case, she's a girl I've been dating for about 2 months and I'll post the lay as soon as I can. it's something I did in the past because I think it's a mix of the feeling of that thought from before and wanting to be the guy she loves the most and she's most into.
So when we were in bed for the first time she confessed to me after she was ecstatic and she thought she was living a dream, I asked her because she had caught me with the phone. But the dream was shattered because I wanted to continue seeing other women and we fought a lot about it. Also the first night was the best sex of her life and the only person who made her reach vaginal orgasm, and after the third time we met she told me the phrase "I love you". He also told me that he would have liked to lose his virginity with me and that he has not loved anyone so much in such a short time and he has already told me that he would like to have children and marry me, I state that I have no element of the supplier and almost always has she paid for me the few times we went out, until now it has been pretty much all about sex and connection spending time together at her house.
Talking to her she is in the low-end under 30 and has been with about 9 guys. 2 were long relationships and only 1 loved it. The latter who loved thinks that he will never love one as well as him, he cheated on her with her best friend just after they broke up because he had left her because he thought she had betrayed him, after 1 year and in addition to the betrayal he abandoned her when a very bad thing happened to her. Plus he blocked her everywhere. Now, sexually she was fine with it but she had never really enjoyed penetrative sex and had orgasms only with various toys or clitoris, so the sexual side was definitely inferior to him but I think he had so many emotional upsets that made her hook a lot, especially because she was mistreated by her father and therefore in a certain way behaviors like these where she is hurt actually strengthened the emotion, and since we see each other we have had a lot of drama because she did not accept things about me and in these 2 months she has already cried a lot , not that I wanted to, but I feel that on the emotional side it is really difficult to overcome it, or at least that's my perception.
What am I doing?
I am continuing to give her the best orgasms of her life, trying to heal her wounds and trauma, in fact she often tells me that I am the only source of light and that her happiness depends only on me, even if I urged her not to depend only on me. I told her that if she also wanted a greater commitment from me, she had to delete the material of her exes on her social phone etc.
So I asked her to give me the phone and she said she wanted to cancel her, but because she didn't want me to see things that might make me angry, I told her what they were and she said they were videos of having sex with her boyfriends . I saw them anyway without opening the video and she deleted them all, with that boy with whom she was very in love she had a few photos which she deleted and then said to also go to the single whatsapp chats of the guys she had been with and deleted all photo chat files etc. And so even here she was also totally transparent and she always is, leaving me the whole phone in my hand, I know about her all her passwords on everything and she doesn't about me even if she would like and ask me often. I did this because I think she can help remove any thoughts and connections in her head.
I add something about it that I wrote that scientifically explains why it is useful to get her away from her memories.
Neuronal reconfiguration takes time ...
Times depend on neurological motivations.
In fact, falling in love and the relationship is something that matures over time because the presence of the other and the affective support reconfigure the neurons in various areas of the brain.
When the affective "nourishment" is lacking, even the neurons no longer have stimuli and something that resembles a withdrawal crisis occurs.
It will take some time for there to be neuronal recombination.
A very brief falling out of love identifies a false falling in love. Often due to an emotional and empathy deficit, which can be a sign of problems such as certain personality disorders.
Normally a non-dysfunctional person, who has shorter times, has only learned in life to make up for the lack with other parts of the brain, from which to draw emotional nourishment, perhaps dedicating himself to hobbies, or social activities, which allow him to nourish in any case in alternative way the dopaminergic systems.
This is the reason why the elaboration of a bereavement can take up to 2 years.
On a person an emotional system, a neuronal one, changes and an idealization takes place.
The areas involved in falling in love are the Ventral Tegmental Area, Nucleo Accumbens, Pallidum Ventrale and Rafe del Nucleo.
With all the hormones they go to generate like dopamine, and serotonin.
Reconfiguring the synaptic connections of a complex neuronal system is no small feat.
Only sick people can easily forget a person. That reify human life and consider the partner a kind of object of personal enjoyment. When they no longer need it for whatever reason, they throw it away and take another one just like you would a cell phone, motorcycle, car, etc.
So the difficulty in forgetting a person already places you among individuals who do not have serious psychological problems.
Patience must be learned. Stop the mind from continuing to dig up the past, try new relationships as well… And let human physiology take its course.
I agree that if they are photos at the bottom of the gallery that you will not see or perhaps will happen to us once a year it is not a big problem, but I think that if, for example, it has things that we cannot see, unlike photos in the gallery on social media or frames, like t-shirts or jewels or whatever, it is useful to ask her these things, because if she is in contact with these things it is as if she will never be as attached to you as she should and the thoughts are directed to more people more than they should , maybe this is why we should be with girls with a low number of previous partners? maybe between 2 and 7 partners? or 7 are already too many if they are important relationships.
Now my case, she's a girl I've been dating for about 2 months and I'll post the lay as soon as I can. it's something I did in the past because I think it's a mix of the feeling of that thought from before and wanting to be the guy she loves the most and she's most into.
So when we were in bed for the first time she confessed to me after she was ecstatic and she thought she was living a dream, I asked her because she had caught me with the phone. But the dream was shattered because I wanted to continue seeing other women and we fought a lot about it. Also the first night was the best sex of her life and the only person who made her reach vaginal orgasm, and after the third time we met she told me the phrase "I love you". He also told me that he would have liked to lose his virginity with me and that he has not loved anyone so much in such a short time and he has already told me that he would like to have children and marry me, I state that I have no element of the supplier and almost always has she paid for me the few times we went out, until now it has been pretty much all about sex and connection spending time together at her house.
Talking to her she is in the low-end under 30 and has been with about 9 guys. 2 were long relationships and only 1 loved it. The latter who loved thinks that he will never love one as well as him, he cheated on her with her best friend just after they broke up because he had left her because he thought she had betrayed him, after 1 year and in addition to the betrayal he abandoned her when a very bad thing happened to her. Plus he blocked her everywhere. Now, sexually she was fine with it but she had never really enjoyed penetrative sex and had orgasms only with various toys or clitoris, so the sexual side was definitely inferior to him but I think he had so many emotional upsets that made her hook a lot, especially because she was mistreated by her father and therefore in a certain way behaviors like these where she is hurt actually strengthened the emotion, and since we see each other we have had a lot of drama because she did not accept things about me and in these 2 months she has already cried a lot , not that I wanted to, but I feel that on the emotional side it is really difficult to overcome it, or at least that's my perception.
What am I doing?
I am continuing to give her the best orgasms of her life, trying to heal her wounds and trauma, in fact she often tells me that I am the only source of light and that her happiness depends only on me, even if I urged her not to depend only on me. I told her that if she also wanted a greater commitment from me, she had to delete the material of her exes on her social phone etc.
So I asked her to give me the phone and she said she wanted to cancel her, but because she didn't want me to see things that might make me angry, I told her what they were and she said they were videos of having sex with her boyfriends . I saw them anyway without opening the video and she deleted them all, with that boy with whom she was very in love she had a few photos which she deleted and then said to also go to the single whatsapp chats of the guys she had been with and deleted all photo chat files etc. And so even here she was also totally transparent and she always is, leaving me the whole phone in my hand, I know about her all her passwords on everything and she doesn't about me even if she would like and ask me often. I did this because I think she can help remove any thoughts and connections in her head.
I add something about it that I wrote that scientifically explains why it is useful to get her away from her memories.
Neuronal reconfiguration takes time ...
Times depend on neurological motivations.
In fact, falling in love and the relationship is something that matures over time because the presence of the other and the affective support reconfigure the neurons in various areas of the brain.
When the affective "nourishment" is lacking, even the neurons no longer have stimuli and something that resembles a withdrawal crisis occurs.
It will take some time for there to be neuronal recombination.
A very brief falling out of love identifies a false falling in love. Often due to an emotional and empathy deficit, which can be a sign of problems such as certain personality disorders.
Normally a non-dysfunctional person, who has shorter times, has only learned in life to make up for the lack with other parts of the brain, from which to draw emotional nourishment, perhaps dedicating himself to hobbies, or social activities, which allow him to nourish in any case in alternative way the dopaminergic systems.
This is the reason why the elaboration of a bereavement can take up to 2 years.
On a person an emotional system, a neuronal one, changes and an idealization takes place.
The areas involved in falling in love are the Ventral Tegmental Area, Nucleo Accumbens, Pallidum Ventrale and Rafe del Nucleo.
With all the hormones they go to generate like dopamine, and serotonin.
Reconfiguring the synaptic connections of a complex neuronal system is no small feat.
Only sick people can easily forget a person. That reify human life and consider the partner a kind of object of personal enjoyment. When they no longer need it for whatever reason, they throw it away and take another one just like you would a cell phone, motorcycle, car, etc.
So the difficulty in forgetting a person already places you among individuals who do not have serious psychological problems.
Patience must be learned. Stop the mind from continuing to dig up the past, try new relationships as well… And let human physiology take its course.