Article Question: Time Your Moves - Deciding Phase - What To Do?

[Regal Tiger]

The article link: https://www.girlschase.com/content/secre ... ment-85983

The specific part that I have a question about:

Unnoticed. When she has not noticed you yet she doesn’t know you and has no emotion toward you. Biggest timing mistake guys make here: coming in too fast/bold/loud without catching her attention first. This startles women, and is not smooth. The ‘unnoticed’ stage is where pre-opening and attention grabs come into play, to move her into ‘noticed’ territory before you make your open.

Noticed. Once she’s noticed you, her at-a-distance evaluation of you begins. Is this guy attractive? Does he look interesting? Is he doing/saying anything noteworthy? Biggest timing mistake guys make here: waiting too long to open her once she’s noticed (especially if she sees you make eye contact / check her out, and you still do not open). If she’s in the ‘noticed’ stage, unless you are a master of make-her-wait / take-your-time game, you should open.

Opened. You’ve opened her, and she’s a bit curious, though she’s not hooked yet. She can still easily walk away at any moment. Biggest timing mistake guys make here: being too boring. She’s not bought in yet; you can’t get away with the same deeper, slower conversation you can have later. She needs faster-paced, playful, flirtier, more interesting conversation before the hook point.

Hooked. All right, you’ve reached the hook point. Now you’re on Easy Street, right? Well, relatively speaking. But there are still plenty of pitfalls to slip into. Biggest timing mistake guys make here: not moving her, grabbing a seat with her, isolating her, etc., within a few minutes after she hooks. Fail to do this, and the excitement of the hook will wear off, as she begins to reason she must’ve gotten the wrong impression, and that in fact you are not that into her.

Committed. She’s made a move or two with you, or grabbed a seat with you, or otherwise committed herself to the interaction. And you can see the shift, too; some of her hook point excitement has died down, into a more subdued, sexual vibe. Biggest mistake guys make here: continuing to treat the courtship like it’s still in hook point territory. Guys over-game because they think they need this to keep her interested... but instead all it feels like to her is that the courtship is stuck in place or going backwards. Not good.

Deciding. She shifts into the decision phase when ‘that moment’ hits... she realizes the courtship is well on its way to intimacy, and she begins to ask herself “Do I definitely want to go to bed with this man?” You will notice she becomes more thoughtful and distant when this happens. Biggest mistake guys make here: they continue to treat things like they are still in the committed stage (or worse, they go back to the hooked stage). They try to conduct meaningful conversations and keep the vibe up – they notice it is fading and think they have to save it. What usually happens instead is the escalation window closes, and the girl shifts from “This is a guy I have a great connection with and might hook up with” to “This is a guy I have a great connection with, who is my excellent platonic friend.”

Sold. Once she’s made her decision and decided that yes, she is definitely going to bed with you, you will notice she becomes relaxed, confident, and comfortable with you. All you must do now is handled logistics (if you haven’t already) and get her into bed. Biggest timing mistake guys make here: chickening out. Breaking things off early (“I had a great time – I’ll text you for our next meet!”) or dawdling on the invite home or the first kiss back at their place. The ‘sold’ stage is a pretty robust stage once a girl’s reached it (though many women won’t reach it until some point of the physical escalation to intimacy), but even it can have the fire put out of it when the cold water of ‘delay’ comes a’dousing.

What do you do during the deciding part? I have my own theories which you can read in the comments section of that article, as well as the copied/paste of the comments and another guy's question as well down below. From just thinking about it and looking back on a few different interactions I've come to the conclusion that you shouldn't do anything. But this is a relatively small sample size and I'd love to hear more opinions/stories.

Here's my full reply to another guy's comment that pretty much said the same exact thing I wanted to:
My reply:

From personal experience, I'd say that assuming the sale can make girls feel rushed. When reading about step 6 I remembered quite a few times where a girl would be in decision making mode and if I assumed the sale here they would resist me in most cases.

EXAMPLE:
One in particular I remember was hardcore into decision making mode (after we'd already slept together once) a few years ago. It was starting to rain (she didn't want to meet at my apartment on date 2 so we met up close to apartment, probably made a few mistakes by this point but I don't remember what they were now) so I used that as the excuse to come back to my place.

The most blatant decision making mode I've ever seen from just looking back through my memory. She halfway turned her head down and to the side just standing there. We stood there for about 5-10 seconds until I said with a smile "Let's go" and started walking. She turned and said she didn't want to. Never saw her again.

From just thinking about it, I'd say the correct response would have been to just sit and wait with her. I think I ruined the pressure/sexual tension by saying something, almost like I was an intrusion on her thoughts. Breaking first under the tension, in a way.

Though this is only me thinking, I'd love to get a response from Chase. Partially why I'm replying to you, BD.

And here's the guys comment that I replied to:

Hey Chase,

I liked this article a lot; covers good content, but it also lays out a good model for a seduction nicely. I haven't been actively focused on seduction for long, more just feeling my way through until I found your site, but I think I've got the basics of what should be done in each stage:

Unnoticed: Pre-Open
Noticed: Open
Opened: Flirt/Banter/Chase Frame, Break touch barrier (if you haven't already)
Hooked: Move her with you/away from her friends, Continuing touching
Committed: Deep Dive, introduce sexual topics if you haven't already, Continuing touch,
Deciding: ???
Sold: Extract to final location, Start physical escalation if you haven't already

As you can see, I haven't the foggiest as to want should be done in the deciding phase, (hell, I'd never even recognized this phase, until you mentioned it). My Door-toDoor sales experience makes me think it's probably best to just "assume the sale", and minimize the girl's need to make a decision, eliminating all together if possible. However, I'm unsure how this would transfer to a seduction sense. (Perhaps just start escalating, provided this is logistically possible i.e. alone, etc; I don't know)

It would be great if a master of the game like yourself could shed some light on what we should be doing during deciding stage, especially for us beginners & newer intermediates whom are still following a basic seduction model. Cheers

But like I said, I'm really interested in getting everybody else's take on this as I'm working from memory of mostly a few years ago. Nowadays girls tend to either skip the deciding phase with me, it's so short that I don't notice it, or they just never get there in the first place.

 

[silenceinthesnow]

Hey Regal Tiger,

It's an interesting part of an interaction and like any other stage there's a lot of pitfalls you can fall into, however this is the most crucial stage. The issue here is the deciding phase means she can question herself, create self doubt and even if she wants to continue can still decide 'no'. At the end of the day its her decision and an earlier mistake could even be what costs you this decision. A no may however not be a no, and more a not yet. A not yet isn't a loss, it may mean you've got to play longer and she's potentially put you into the boyfriend category which isn't ideal but it might suit what you're personally after.

Every situation will be different, in the decision phase this is where last minute resistance will come up, hence the 'not yet' part. They could be 100% sold on the idea, but want to slow the interaction down for various reasons. If you haven't handled social aspects earlier she could potentially feel her friends are judging her and no matter what you do you're not getting around it.

Another difficult part is all the stages merge together, you don't have an advert break to prepare yourself. You'll see the indicators when she slows down and becomes thoughtful, how you react 'physically' depends on what interaction you were running. If you were doing a lot of touching, touching during this period could help make her mind up. If you're going for the no touch pick up you're tactically avoiding this in case this is enough validation. Doing nothing however isn't always the best option because you're then waiting eagerly in anticipation and you're effectively a spectator to a trial.

I'd suggest mirroring her to build a connection, she's slow and thoughtful and so you should reflect this yourself to show you're both on the same page. Just looking, or a few choice words. You're not trying to entertain her at this point but riding the roller coaster with her. In your example of saying 'lets go' that wasn't necessarily the wrong move; you were confident, bold and leading the interaction. The execution or timing however could have been of, or maybe she wasn't that sold.

The execution might have worked if you waited a little longer, or extended a hand to pull her in. Getting a little bit of investment before going for the big one. Again not wanting to go back to yours then could have been a not yet, how you follow up on that stage is equally as important if you're to keep the relationship going. A no isn't always a no, and can be a not yet.

Drop the excitement and move forward with the interaction 'slower'. I find it very hard to describe, but hopefully I've offered a bit of help on this.

SilenceintheSnow