Asking out a girl I met doing a computer job

[timez]

Hi,

I did a computer repair job for a guy - but it turned out to be his daughters computer who is about my age I think.

Most of the talking on the phone was through her dad - but while I was there 99% of it was with her.

I kept it professional - but couldnt help noticing how beautiful this girl was and seems to have a really nice personality.

------------------------


Anyway everything was done- got paid by the dad - handed the working laptop over...

Then he said about how he was going to give her my mobile number in case she needs it for anything with the computer - seems a change from 100% dealing with him on the phone - then seemed to just vanish leaving us alone.

Nothing happend as i was staying professional and I have no idea how she sees me.

We did have a nice chat for half an hour before i said i better make a move.

it was mostly about computers - but there was little bits that went off that.

Then as i left she got up and walked me to the door - She kinda forgot about me saying bye to her dad who'd dealt with it all and who paid for it - and I had to say - should i say bye to your dad - and we went back and she let him know i was going.

(Maybe im reading into all that too much though - just thought id mention everything)

------------------------

I have found her on facebook - but i really want to ask this girl out....

- Should I? being it was a work thing.

- Should i wait and see if she gets in contact about a computer thing - she may never need to - or her dad might forget to give her the number
or should i just message her on facebook?

- Where do i go from here if i do get to talk to her either of those two ways?

Should I start with computer stuff - and try and edge to normal convo - then to asking her out over time - or should i just get straight to the point?


By the look of the public stuff on facebook i dont think she has a boyfriend - and there was no mention of one while i was there on either of 2 days (as i went the first day to fix it / pick it up)



Im from the UK if that makes a difference - and im not looking for just sex - i want a relationship ideally.

Thank you in advance - im not great at all this atm - but im trying to get there and could really use your help as I havent done anything at all yet - so its a blank slate - its the intial things like this that messes me up.

(EDIT: By nothing - I mean with this girl - not ever lol)

im 32 - and she could be anything from 25 - give or take a few years either way.

Times

 

[ray_zorse]

Well firstly the fact you were doing a job should not faze you at all. You can keep things professional and still ask her out. In fact there's a great LR on these boards (might be Estate, might be NarrowJ, can't remember) in which he initially met her by going to her company to do some IT maintenance / consulting. Provided you do a good job and are friendly and polite, nobody could have any basis for complaining about your inviting the client to take things up on a personal level later. She can always say no. It's best to tread lightly though.

As to the dad it sounded like he was covertly encouraging you to hook up, he probably noticed you are intelligent and well mannered, and no dad wants his daughter to be lonely, bored and frustrated. The fact you are after relationship and not just a lay cements to me that you're a nice guy / gentleman (probably too nice for your own good) and dad probably noticed this. Having said all that... you want to be discreet... when dad not present was the time to ask her out.

Unfortunately, you did not pull the trigger, and that complicates matters. For all she knows, you might be attracted but already have a girlfriend / might be about to go on a trip / might be dealing with a shit ton of work etc, she doesn't know why you failed to ask her out and that's good. But if you ring her up now and ask her out, she'll know it was because you were weak and indecisive and didn't have the balls. So don't try to restart a promising interaction right after you kicked yourself for lost opportunity, be patient!!

(I broke this rule last Thursday and she then held leverage over me for the rest of the day saying she might meet me for coffee if she needed a break later, I accepted this like a pussy and appeared even more weak and indecisive, needless to say this was not attractive to her and nothing came of it, that's the problem once you start appearing weak, they'll zero in on your weakness and start testing you a lot).

So my advice would be wait till she calls you (particularly if she calls you over some trivial question she could answer herself, which would be an IOI and an escalation window), then either set something up so you can see her in person, or just chat her up over the phone, ask how her day / week / month has gone and use that info to get her sharing on personal topics, then once you've recaptured the good feelings then pull the trigger without delay "I always enjoy talking with you / I find you interesting. Let's continue this over coffee / Join me for coffee later this week."

Some comments: 1. There is simply no guarantee you will ever see her again, or that if you do, you'll be able to recapture the good feelings... depends a lot on how smooth you are, whether she was interested in the first place, and whether she's attracted enough to give you another chance, she may well have concluded you're just another boring computer geek with no balls and refuse to give you the time of day, their emotions change instantly and permanently unfortunately. 2. In my experience this kind of situation is very hit and miss, you simply must grab your opportunities at the time, you cannot recreate them later. 3. Luckily there are a shit ton more girls out there, go practice asking them out 4. Being patient and reeling them in over time is easier if you have more girls in your life / are approaching. 5. Don't go for relationship, try to lay her at least 3 times before even considering relationship, then wait for her to ask you for commitment. 6. Above all do not add her on FB, that's so weak and lame, if you must contact her do it by voice.

Ray

 

[timez]

Thank you for writing such a thought out reply, I thought I would get two sentences at best


The only way I can be sure ill get her by voice is by ringing her dad and asking to talk to her. (I dont know if she would make the first move or not)

I knew it - that the dad was doing that i sensed it haha.

and god i wanted to ask her but i was supposed to be working.

Also I have no idea how to change from - how are you getting on with your laptop to - i like you / i want to take you out somewhere?

I need some sort of bridge.

Timez

 

[ray_zorse]

Don't ring the dad. Even if the dad likes you & is supportive... she'll basically have to throw you under the bus if you ask her out with others' knowledge. Because then it becomes more of a status / reputation management issue for her, rather than a simple issue of whether she likes you and wants to spend time with you. So there's not a lot you can do except wait at this point.

Wanted to ask her but was supposed to be working: I would reframe this: Wanted to work but was supposed to be asking her out After all what is more important to her, getting her computer fixed, or meeting a hunky and adorable man who will sweep her off her feet, dominate the fuck out of her, and give her the time of her life? There's no contest, she wants & needs your cock.

How to segue: Well, you may need to work on your conversation and deep diving a bit. Luckily there are plenty of resources here in GC for how to be an interesting conversationalist. I would recommend buying Chase's ebook "How to make girls chase" because there are several chapters on just that. Also the conversation video series "Spellbinding", I bought this and found it to be great.

However, to summarize withoutt the benefit of all the useful background info in the above resources... you first ask her about recent events / her day / etc, or background information about herself. For example

You: hiya, how's your day been?
Her: cool just an ordinary day, got up, did some homework etc
You: sounds relaxing... how did you go with the computer after last time?
Her: good, it's been really great it's just one small issue that I wanted to ask you about
You: okay... sounds like you are a student?
Her: yeah I'm mainly using the laptop to print lecture notes, look stuff up etc
You: cool, you're studying something technical?.... or health related? business?
Her: haha nearly, its actually event management, its hospitality and business related
You: great!! that sounds like a fabulous career, what got you into that initially?
Her: (sharing.. blah blah blah)
You: oh awesome... I have an interest in event management too, because (blah blah blah... relating)
Her: (sharing.. blah blah blah)
You: so you are working in restaurants a lot, can you also cook? (qualifying)
Her: oh not really, I enjoy it though
You: excellent! so after a long day at the restaurant would you cook or would you just eat in the restaurant?
Her: probably my mum would cook (refusing to qualify)
You: oh okay... but if you're not working you would cook for your mum? (helping her qualify)
Her: oh haha yeah she absolutely loves Italian food, so I'd make lasagne for a treat
You: ohh no way you can cook lasagne?! that's so awesome I'm there... (finally she qualifies... reward her handsomely)
Her: yeah we have an Italian background, although my mum's actually born in Aussie
You: oh amazing... if I could go anywhere it would definitely be there. Your dad's also Italian?
Her: (sharing... blah blah blah... you feel she's excited about conversing with you and the mood is high, so it's time to ask her out)
You: yeah so we are definitely gonna have to hook up and eat Italian some time, how about early this week?
Her: that would be lovely, I'm free on Tuesday if that works
You: sold! Here, put your number in here and we'll work out the deets later
(exchanging numbers, you call her, make sure it goes through to her phone)
You: awesome... so anyway you were saying there was some question you wanted to ask about the computer? (returning to an earlier conversational thread... don't bail right after the number close, make it look like the number close is no big deal and continue the conversation)
Her: yeah that's right, wow it's been great talking with you, I completely forgot about that... yeah what's been happening is blah blah blah
(et cetera)
You: okay well glad we got that sorted, so I'll see you Tuesday then
Her: great... okay bye

I wrote this as if it was a telephone conversation, otherwise I would have sprinkled in some compliments about how sexy she looks in her tight fitting sweater etc... anyway so you get the general gist, you talk to her on neutral topics, and whatever she brings up you ask her more about it, picking the most important and valuable topics for her to expand on (this is called deep diving) and returning to the other topics later when/if you run out of juice... and you also do not forget to ask her out on a high point. Does that make things a little clearer?

Note my emphasis on qualifying her (telling her the things you like about her)... because your question was "how to go from laptop to I like you and I want to take you out"... the problem with this is it would look too random, she'd be wondering what exactly is it, that you like about her... and since you don't know her (apart from talking about the computer) she'd conclude you're only interested in her looks and probably a bit shallow.

Ray

 

[timez]

wow!

ok I have to say this - I have been looking up this stuff for years - and been trying to act on it and getting confused and overwhelmed.

In that last paragraph or two you have explaned it in a way I actually understand from sqaure one to the goal i needed.

I need you as a constant help in my ear haha - like mi5 / cia!

Ok yeah i understand that brilliantlly and its crystal clear.

My only question now is - what if she never calls?

Is that garenteed she isnt interested? - theres no other reason? like shes shy / thinks it would be weird for her to call first even now?

is there a time limit where i say - ok maybe i should just message her now? or is that a no no even after some time has passed?

seems a shame to waste this thats all.

Times

 

[ray_zorse]

It's nice to be appreciated. I'm just doing a little homework and checking GC in between jobs, I'm happy to help out if I'm able. When you have an interaction with a girl or have a question, post an FR / question and I'll be happy to help you out some more.

As to your last questions, I think you can answer those by rereading what I wrote. But to summarize: I personally would not take action. I would just recognize that the opportunity has passed, and go out and meet some new girls. I mean there are like literally a million girls living within 10km of me right now, though your city might be smaller haha. Anyway, I've been in your situation a fair bit... prior to the occasion I mentioned last Thursday, the previous occasion would have been hot stewardess girl on my flight from Japan... complimented her, built something of a connection, but did not pull the trigger, had very few opportunities but the one opportunity I did get, I wasted (and as I got off the flight I made a little more small talk and discovered she lives in my city, wanted to cry haha)... and you know, shit happens, for every opportunity you capitalize on, another is usually wasted.

On the other hand... maybe she's especially hot. Maybe you particularly connected well (although you didn't post the details of your conversation so I'm assuming it wasn't 100% special up to this moment)... maybe you really want to throw caution to the wind and just fucking ask her out, and there's nothing wrong with that. Since you do not have her number, the option is probably Facebook, I cringe a little at this but it's an option... if you absolutely must do this, then maybe you can friend her and send her a message saying "hey it was fun chatting, after I got home I realized I would like to know you better, let's meet up again and talk more". But, prepare for a disappointment. It's absolutely the worst way to approach a girl, it looks like you have no balls whatsoever, and it will let her know that you were too shy to ask her out... anyway, if you do it, do it right now.

I would heartily recommend to, instead, practice your conversation with everyone you meet (register chicks, waitresses, your hairdresser etc)... practice deep diving, relating, qualifying. Check out the newbie assignment.

Ray

 

[timez]

what i really need - is to think of something really important that I "forgot" to tell her or show her on the laptop..

So then I have an excuse to go round there again.

I mean i have a couple of options..

* Write the whole thing off (I dont want to do this without at least trying - I mean what have I got to loose now by trying if im gonna write it off anyway?)


* wait for her to possibly call - I dont want to leave this too long either - as chase says - Attraction has an expiry date!

* Message her (cant add as no mutual friends) - i see how cringy and crap this is myself - beleve me haha - this will be a LAST resort.


* think of a reason i must go again - and either turn up - or arrange it through the dad again - but this time get hold of her alone or on the phone so i can ask her. (may be my best option - unless she calls)


* Ask the dad outright if i can speak to her about the laptop because i forgot something... (again last option - worst than fb lol)

Timez

 

[ray_zorse]

You're operating from scarcity brother.

The brain that is in scarcity says "OMG she showed me a little bit of interest, SHE is my option, gotta get her". Your logical brain is twisting and turning and trying to justify this and it sounds weak as hell.

The brain that is in abundance says "Hmm, interesting, she showed me a little bit of interest, wonder if she will back it up?"

Read this: https://www.girlschase.com/content/cant-stop-thinking-about-her-heres-why-you-need-meet-more-girls.

Ray