- Joined
- Aug 28, 2013
- Messages
- 209
Hi guys. First of all, I think the forums should be made private for paying-members only. I don't feel comfortable sharing personal information in public.
Anyway, I'm in my early 30s and was just diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. To make a long story short, I knew I had horrible social skills and spent 10+ years working on it. I'm at a point where I can sometimes be very charming, but sometimes I'm still awkward. This website is a godsend because it breaks down social dynamics and skills in such a logical manner that it makes perfect sense for an aspie like me. I'm a fan of Juggler (Wayne Elise) as well, but his material seems to assume the reader already has good social skills. I remember when I read The Juggler Methods many years ago, and I thought it was too abstract. Now that I've developed much more social skills, I'm beginning to understand the method to his madness. But nothing is as clear as Chase Amante's teaching. Need to you thank you again, Chase!
I think the community has a bad rep because I think many of its members have Asperger's Syndrome. AS tends to bring people to their lowest points in their lives, and being in low points in life tends to make people desperate for help.
When I was diagnosed with AS, it explained EVERYTHING. Why I am the way I am. And why I think so differently and why I struggle so hard with certain things. But...I'm unlike most aspies in that I direct my focus on social skills because I recognize the value in them (many aspies reject social skills as a coping mechanism). As a result, my social skills is far superior to most aspies my age. Through repetition (and much painful trial and error), a lot of social behavior that aspies typically struggle with are now automatized in me. One must first acknowledge and understand it intellectually, which creates conviction. Through repetition, the behavior becomes automatic. Surprisingly, there are even certain things that I am better at than most neurotypicals (aspies call normal people "neurotypicals"), and this is thanks to my natural aspie talent to focus intensely (which easily develops into obsession, but I digress). For example, my psychologist tells me I have good conversational skills. Technically, that's only some of the times.
Something I feel strongly about is that classic indirect game is BAD BAD BAD for aspies. OMFG, it's really painful for me to look back at my behavior lol. Because I didn't have a reference point, I was impressionable, and thought acting aloof and indirect was cool. Looking back, I've met MANY indirect PUAs who suffered the same affliction--they thought people admired them when in fact, these people thought they were weird and creepy. I'm sure many of these PUAs had AS well, which blinds them socially. Miraculously, I took a break from pickup to focus solely on my life. In time, my social skills improved as I let go of the indirect PUA mentality. And I finally lost my virginity to a girl who at the time I didn't understand why she liked me (and got into a really weird, unhealthy relationship, but that's another story for another time). I finally deleted all my indirect PUA material because it's genuinely toxic stuff, ESPECIALLY for clueless aspies. It's important for aspies to find the right role models; they would not know better due to their condition, so I think some of it is pure luck to choose the right guy. I know Chase is the right guy, because I independently discovered a lot of the same things he teaches. Of course, I am still green, but I am finally getting good social feedback for the first time in my life. Again, this was only possible after I let go of indirect game.
What I really want to know though...is how do I do handle the fact that I lack close friends and life experiences? Over the past 10+ years, I've become good at blending in, but I can only hide it for so long. And I'm always afraid that when people find out the real me, they'll reject me. It's like a self-perpetuating cycle I'm struggling to get out of. I've recently made some commitments to more regularly attend happy hours and meetups (meetup.com). Should I put dating on a pause until I rack up enough experience (it's funny how this sounds like an MMPORG)? I essentially did that for the past 10+ years and am now deciding to start coming out of my shell. Now that I'm over 30, I really need to get a handle on this shit.
P.S. As my social skills improve here, I'd love to return back to this community. I've got fitness really down, and would later like to contribute. To put it simply, I see that the advice espouse here is...well...broscience. 99% of it is unnecessary and/or taking 1 step forward and 2 steps back. Getting in shape is simple...but not necessarily easy. It is not rocket science...no meals/protein every 4 hours...none of that broscience stuff. To be continued...
Anyway, I'm in my early 30s and was just diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. To make a long story short, I knew I had horrible social skills and spent 10+ years working on it. I'm at a point where I can sometimes be very charming, but sometimes I'm still awkward. This website is a godsend because it breaks down social dynamics and skills in such a logical manner that it makes perfect sense for an aspie like me. I'm a fan of Juggler (Wayne Elise) as well, but his material seems to assume the reader already has good social skills. I remember when I read The Juggler Methods many years ago, and I thought it was too abstract. Now that I've developed much more social skills, I'm beginning to understand the method to his madness. But nothing is as clear as Chase Amante's teaching. Need to you thank you again, Chase!
I think the community has a bad rep because I think many of its members have Asperger's Syndrome. AS tends to bring people to their lowest points in their lives, and being in low points in life tends to make people desperate for help.
When I was diagnosed with AS, it explained EVERYTHING. Why I am the way I am. And why I think so differently and why I struggle so hard with certain things. But...I'm unlike most aspies in that I direct my focus on social skills because I recognize the value in them (many aspies reject social skills as a coping mechanism). As a result, my social skills is far superior to most aspies my age. Through repetition (and much painful trial and error), a lot of social behavior that aspies typically struggle with are now automatized in me. One must first acknowledge and understand it intellectually, which creates conviction. Through repetition, the behavior becomes automatic. Surprisingly, there are even certain things that I am better at than most neurotypicals (aspies call normal people "neurotypicals"), and this is thanks to my natural aspie talent to focus intensely (which easily develops into obsession, but I digress). For example, my psychologist tells me I have good conversational skills. Technically, that's only some of the times.
Something I feel strongly about is that classic indirect game is BAD BAD BAD for aspies. OMFG, it's really painful for me to look back at my behavior lol. Because I didn't have a reference point, I was impressionable, and thought acting aloof and indirect was cool. Looking back, I've met MANY indirect PUAs who suffered the same affliction--they thought people admired them when in fact, these people thought they were weird and creepy. I'm sure many of these PUAs had AS well, which blinds them socially. Miraculously, I took a break from pickup to focus solely on my life. In time, my social skills improved as I let go of the indirect PUA mentality. And I finally lost my virginity to a girl who at the time I didn't understand why she liked me (and got into a really weird, unhealthy relationship, but that's another story for another time). I finally deleted all my indirect PUA material because it's genuinely toxic stuff, ESPECIALLY for clueless aspies. It's important for aspies to find the right role models; they would not know better due to their condition, so I think some of it is pure luck to choose the right guy. I know Chase is the right guy, because I independently discovered a lot of the same things he teaches. Of course, I am still green, but I am finally getting good social feedback for the first time in my life. Again, this was only possible after I let go of indirect game.
What I really want to know though...is how do I do handle the fact that I lack close friends and life experiences? Over the past 10+ years, I've become good at blending in, but I can only hide it for so long. And I'm always afraid that when people find out the real me, they'll reject me. It's like a self-perpetuating cycle I'm struggling to get out of. I've recently made some commitments to more regularly attend happy hours and meetups (meetup.com). Should I put dating on a pause until I rack up enough experience (it's funny how this sounds like an MMPORG)? I essentially did that for the past 10+ years and am now deciding to start coming out of my shell. Now that I'm over 30, I really need to get a handle on this shit.
P.S. As my social skills improve here, I'd love to return back to this community. I've got fitness really down, and would later like to contribute. To put it simply, I see that the advice espouse here is...well...broscience. 99% of it is unnecessary and/or taking 1 step forward and 2 steps back. Getting in shape is simple...but not necessarily easy. It is not rocket science...no meals/protein every 4 hours...none of that broscience stuff. To be continued...
