Attainability - A Better Understanding

[Wismalliesat]

I have only posted once before with the guidance of directness, sexualizing the conversation, and escalation developing into some fun nights for the last two months. More than the last 27 years have provided. One idea I have come across that strikes with me is attainability and my understanding of it. I feel my attainability is sometimes too low; being that my physical presence, looks, charisma, and (new) fashion sense tend to draw quite of attention. Sometimes while talking I will notice the gal is nervous and after calling her out she relaxes. The phrases that have been plaguing me lately; "Too good to be true" "You can have any girl you want why did you pick me (From a 21y/o 9.5 D1 gymnast)" and "You're out of my league." A majority of the time they will lose interest shortly after I hear this and occasionally become rude. I have high standards for myself physically and I expect the same in return, with that being said these girls are babes!! This is in NO way bragging but in the last two months I can't recall one approach that has not resulted in a welcoming/enthusiastic manner from the woman/women/group. This is all new to me due to the fact that I just started approaching two months ago. I opened a door to a whole new world and looking to get a better understanding of how I can manage my attainability and continue exploring. Thanks!

J

 

[ray_zorse]

The deep diving and connection building helps, another big.one, and more important in my opinion, is qualification. A problem you might be having is, she looks at you, this hot guy, taking an interest in her, and she thinks "he's slumming it" and then her insecure brain says "well since he's not interacting with girls at his level that would be girlfriend material for him, he's just looking for a quick fuck, he's gonna use me and dump me"... she then auto rejects and acts cold and bitchy.

So what you have to do is, before she auto rejects, start to build her up by pointing out all the great things you are noticing about her.

"You work and study... you are amazing, how do you balance it? You must be incredibly organized blah blah..." or "you can cook? awesome!! that's so important, what kind of food do you cook?" (rewarding her with your approval, followed by your interest in asking further questions). "You're into makeup? I like that. It's good for a woman to look sexy and feminine". Et cetera... Don't be afraid to use specific "I approve" type language as it sets you up as an authority. You may think "what gives me the right to judge her?", well if you do it smoothly and work it into the conversation she'll love it.

Another thing I like to do is, after I've qualified her several times in rapid succession I'll say "OMG this gets better and better..." and tick off the points "you're an adventurer who likes to travel, you're into languages, you can cook Xxx food and you spend your spare time reading history and biographies? Unbelievable, you and I are gonna get on very well...".

Another thing to consider is that attainability is quite nuanced. Remember that attainability means different things to different girls depending on whether they are looking for relationship, one night stand etc. What ties it all together is her asking herself "Is he for real? Can a girl like me get a guy like him?". If you do things that reassure her on these points, particularly the qualification (giving her the reasons why you like her), you should be golden.

Attainable body language and clothing helps -- try using a little more touch and warmth, and dressing a bit more downmarket, with just one or two smart components, such as a dress shirt or an accessory, so you don't look a slob. And, try trading value for attainability -- here we advocate not leaning in, not sharing about yourself, etc, because it hurts your value -- you look anxious to please and to qualify yourself and to do more work to minimize the work she has to put into the interaction. Well if you have plenty of value and not enough attainability, it's fine to do these things a bit.

Ray