Attempt to make jealous or sign she's not interested?

[Prehistoric]

I start by saying I have already nexted this girl. I just want to get some feedback for future ones.

I met her twice casually in the past. Both times, especially the second one she was very very warm with me. The second time I asked her for her telephone number and told her that night I was going to a party if she wanted to join me, but she said she also was going to one.

She was out of town for a week, so I wrote her around 8 days later our last encounter (I know, late, but there was a logistical element here). I write her at around 21 ' o clock starting with some cocky joke (I do it a lot later, trying to convert my natural funniness into cocky, dark, sexual humour) and then ask her about catching up the day after.

The answer was kinda contradictory. She answers with a joke and a heart. She says it would be a great but then she says she already has to go on a date. (to which I also answered kinda cockily, funnily and uncaringly)

Now, as a rule, if a girl actively talks to me about other guys she's seeing I stop wasting time, but I am wondering, may it also be that I came across as too confident, womanizing and unattainable (something another girl actually told me) and she was then trying to compensate the balance of power by trying to make me jealous? I am saying this because the behaviour she had with me in the past clearly doesn't look like non-interest, unless she's a flirt professional.

As I said, I am not wasting any more energy on this one, but I'd like to hear your opinion.

 

[luego]

Why NEXT her?

Yes, it was a shit-test. But only a minor one - there's nothing in your post indicating you've slept with her, or even gotten some serious emotional connection. If she'll still see you, she's still likely interested. Ignore that there's another guy in the picture, until it matters to you whether or not there is.

That point differs. The consensus here is it shouldn't ever really matter - they'll fade away if you're doing things right. I personally can't be that outcome-independent yet.

 

[Prehistoric]

Why NEXT her?

quite frankly, if she simply had said "I am busy tonight", I would have suggested another day and persisted a bit. But she clearly said "I am going on a date tonight". To propose another day felt like I am a man with no other options than going out with her, waiting for her to bless me with a spot on her "date calendar" as last choice on her datable guys' list. I would have felt chasing, needy & lacking status

Instead, I made he a joke about she being a player going on a date on the same day she's back in town, then because my initial proposal contained this cool cocktail bar I wanted to go and needed somebody for company, I said "well, I'll go get somebody to replace you to get some drinks there tonight" (funnily said and making it clear that the main purpose of my invitation was me having fun that night, not me going out just for her, and that she's the one who was lucky being chosen for company) and then wishing her a great time that night.

My message wanted to be: I have so many other options, this pseudo-rejection will completely bounce off me.

Am I exaggerating with the Status thing? Maybe. But, until I perfect my game, I'd rather risk coming across as a bit arrogant and unattainable than chasing and kissing asses.

Maybe she'll be bitter at me next time, but better her feeling bitter than her feeling pleased I am just another puppy dogs ready to follow her around.

And of course next time I meet her I'll be cool and imperturbable to any bitter behaviour she has, hitting on other girls meanwhile.

I am sure there was a better way to play it, but hey, I am still a learner

 

[Lotus]

Am I exaggerating with the Status thing? Maybe. But, until I perfect my game, I'd rather risk coming across as a bit arrogant and unattainable than chasing and kissing asses.

Maybe she'll be bitter at me next time, but better her feeling bitter than her feeling pleased I am just another puppy dogs ready to follow her around

I completely agree... playing games with girls at our skill level increases our investment. However I agree with leugo that she was shit testing you. You established a powerful frame and she wanted to test your frame by throwing another man in your face to see how you would handle it.

well, I'll go get somebody to replace you to get some drinks there tonight

maybe you could have tried something like, "well, when you realize how boring he is and want to do something let me know."

you can maintain your "IDGAF" frame, brush off her shit test, and throw the ball in her court. If she doesn't you essential nexted her, but you still gave her the opporunity. Not that my above sentence is the best way to verbalize it.

Just an idea... i am working through smiliar things you are.

-Brum

 

[ray_zorse]

I don't really see what the big deal was, I mean it's first in best dressed right... if you had proposed your date before the other chode did, then you would have got that slot, but having booked him in she couldn't very well brush him off. I'm not aware of any rule that says she can't date multiple guys (at least before getting serious / committed with one of them) or that she can't be upfront about it... TBH I thought your response wasn't the best way of handling it because it made you sound a bit butthurt, law of least effort says ignore any irrelevant info and just push for another suitable day / time.
-Ray