"when I make the move I am still in that cool, relaxed state of mind. It's just the move in and of itself that kills the attraction"
It's quite complex issue, but it is not that bad. In my opinion, she smells that you are on a hunt. She knows that you are not in "natural" state of mind. What is that mean? Lets assume that she is pretty and she knows many guys. Many of them are not into "seduction" business, they are just regular guys, with regular guy's mind set. These guys are shy to approach her. When these guys talk to that girl they get all excited, they get all over her. She is used to that attitude.
Now she meets another guy. Because you have good fundamentals you (1) seem very attractive. (2) Now you "move in", perhaps you are too bold and too fast, too cocky. (3) And now you start talking with 'cool, relaxed state of mind'. See? Your behavior is totally different than behavior of 'regular' guy. She gets alarmed, she smells something is not right, she thinks your behavior is not natural...
So you can't go too much, you can't go too overboard. "Just little bit" is good enough.
For example, body language. You don't want to walk like a bum with your pants down to your knees, dragging your feet on the ground with "fuck it all" attitude. But you don't want to be marching like a soldier with tight chest, fully erected and clothes without error either. Just be "normal", somewhere in between - erected yet relaxed, good/nice but normal clothes. Not too anxious, but not too relaxed either. If bum is 0 and soldier 100, you want to be say 65-75.
You don't want to be "too cool", you want to show some excitement, interest. You are just a guy who is interested in that girl, show some natural excitement. If a Total Ignorant is 0 and Nice Guy who gets overexcited is 100, you want to be say 65-70.
You don't want to be too attractive. If your worst attraction is 0 and best attraction that you can exert is 100, you want to be somewhere say 70. If you go for a date, improve little bit, say to 80 so she notes some improvement, some interest - but don't give full 100. Maybe even less than 80 - give her some opportunity to invest into you by helping you improve yourself. Later on, let her chose better clothes for you, let her help you with better facial hair... See? Now she's got to invest into you little bit, spent some time and effort on improving man of her dreams, without being his mamma...
I've seen a guy in his 30's who took a girl for a date. He had like perfect hair, he was showing dominance in his walk, taking lots of space, he was talking with deep and dominant/loud voice, he was marching erected with chest all the way up... Really? Poor girl, she liked him a lot but she was little bit embarrassed. She was "normal", casual herself. Not too much and not too little. She was looking around if other people noticed his behavior. I did and the girl did, others didn't give a damn. But it wasn't natural at all, it was quite obvious that he is on a date, he was on a hunt. It was obvious that he is TRYING TOO MUCH...
IMO, the way she "reads" you is that you are out for a hunt and you've been preparing for it, planning it, you want to get a girl (her). She can read your coolness and attractiveness, she interprets it that it is all for purpose. The purpose is to get a girl. And she know what will happen next - you will ask her for a phone number and call her 2-3 days later for a date. Good Bye. Remember, girls are not stupid. As far as seduction they are 10x smarter than you, they can read you better than you can read book.
The way she should read you is, that you've just met. You were doing your causal stuff and she was doing hers. Now you meet, you are attractive because you care about yourself, your appearance, your clothes and body language (and by not going overboard), and you show interest in her by talking to her. She knows you like her, you are exciting yet not too anxious... You are relaxed because you talked to hot girls many times before, but you are not too cool so she can see that you care about life, about people, about her... Now the vibes are good, not too exiting and not too much cool (both unnatural). You are a good person, and she is a good person. Hey, BTW - why don't you give me your phone number? Well, maybe she can go out for a date with this guy, maybe there is something she could help him to improve, maybe he should be just little bit more excited because she knows she is quite hot and everybody likes her - but over all he is doing quite good...
