Hey Guys,
Well, at first I want you to know, that I don't speak English as my native language, so I hope u don't mind some mistakes I make.
I hope here is someone, who really can give me some advice on what to do. My story with that one girl is really messed up!
It started all ca. 14 months ago. I broke up with my then girlfriend and about 2-3 weeks later I got to know the girl whom it's about know.
At the beginning we were just friends, and we met some times, and then more and more. We both agreed that we are just friends, and there won't be more. Because we both had a break up behind us, and we really didn't want to start a new relationship.
Nevertheless she fell in love with me now about 12 months ago, August last year.
I really liked her at that time, but I just couldn't start any relationship with her or with any other girl. I wasn't ready at that time. But I made the mistake to tell her the three words. And I really loved her, but I was scared I guess. I was scared about a new relationship, and if it would end just like the former one I had.
A few times I thought I could start a relationship with her, we met, we talked about it, but then I backtracked and let her alone...again, and again.
This girl did really a lot of great things for me, she was there when I needed her, she was there when I rejected her, she always was there for me, but I just behaved like an asshole. I think it was right, not to start a relationship with her at that time, because I always thought about my old relationship. I think that would not have been a good start for a relationship, but nevertheless I raised hopes in her, that I will be available soon. But I wasn't...Anyway we yet got closer to each other, kissed and so on. Think u know what I mean.
So in early 2013 we decided to break contact, well it was always my decision, because I didn't want to hurt her anymore. But after a few weeks I called her, and everything started again, maybe for a week or two and than again breaking contact. We talked about that, we decided it both, but I know she really was hurt and sad and I know how much she cried every night...
One day, after 1-2 months of no contact (that was now one month ago) I realized how dumb I was and i realized, that I really love her and I want to be with her and I just ended that shit with my old relationship in my head, I was ready for something new. So I called her, told her, and she rejected me. She told me that she is trying to be happy now, she starts to get back to life and that there are new people in her life treating her well.
I thought I wont give up, she had fought for my love for over a year! I wouldn't give up after a silly phone call.
So I did the whole romantic stuff, roses, breakfast, letters, and so on. She really was excited about that, she cried, but she couldnt kiss me, like she did before.
Some days later, we met, it was great, but I started beeing jealous of the new group of guys she was with. Especially one guy. She was with him 24/7! Everybody and she told me they are just friends, on the outside it seemed otherwise, but everybody told me so. But I started beeing more jealous and discussed with her often about him.
I have to say, I'm not a newbie, I often get girls I want, but this time...well I wasn't able to think rational, but started seeing everyrhing emotional. How could that be? I was always first in her life, and now? There are other people? Another guy? I couldn't see him as what he was, just a friend, I saw him as a potential threat. And I know he is not her type, he is younger than her and he is a complete nerd. But I saw him as a threat.
So the next 2-3 weeks we were together, some days everything was great, some days we just discussed about him. You have to know, he texted her almost every half an hour. And she told me too much about him, thats why I reacted like this. Normally I'm not the jealous kind of guy.
In that 2-3 weeks she told me often that she loves me, and she doesn't do that a lot. We got intimate, and she is very conservative in that one. So for me that was a sign, that she really loves me. But anyway, jealousness...
If she told me she wants to be with me, and that guy wrote her, I told her: You want to be with him and that group anyway, so go to them. (SO DUMB!)
I think I really messed up a lot!
So 12 Days ago she texted me, that she can't do that, and I should give it up, and that she is really annoyed, because I controll her, I ask her friends about her, her family ans so on.
I know that all these steps from me were really dumb and that all of them were really bad mistakes.
Since that day I didn't chase her and contacted her. She complained at her friends about me pressuring her, and that the roses and so on where to much.
Well I thought, after I treated her that badly for one year, I should do more now, but I think that was false.
So no contact at all since last weekend, that was 6 days after her text message. I heard from friends, that her grandma isn't doing well and that it's very urgent. So I texted her, nothing about her and me, just about her grandma, that I'm sorry for that and that my thoughts are with them.
About an hour later I saw her accidentally on a party. Smalltalk about 2 minutes. I closed the conversation and told her, that me and my mate have to go on to some other people. (I thought that's better, because not chasing and so on...u know?)
No word about my message to her, no answer to that message, nothing.
The next day I saw her again on a party. This time I sat on a bench with my friends and her new group of friends sat next to us on another bench. But she wasn't there at the beginning. Later the came, waved at me and wanted to go on, I told her to come sit next to me. She did. Smalltalk again but this time I asked her to take a walk with me. She said no. Smalltalk did go on, I asked again and she again said no and said, that she goes to the other guys now.
I was very sad about that and needed 2 minutes for me, so I went a little bit away from that place, and saw my ex-ex girlfriend. She knows about the situation.
We came back together and took a seat on the bench were my friends were.
And than something happend, my girl looked and looked and looked over to us. I just ignored it and talked to my ex, wie laughed, had fun all together, and so on.
My friends told me, that she and her friends looked over to us all the time. (I wasn't looking at her. Beeing cool, not chasing, not needy and so on.)
After a while my ex went to the toilett and the girl came to me and poked me.
I looked at her saying "yea?"
She: "uhm...we are going now, just wanted u to know that"
me: "Oh, okay. See ya
"
And I turned around to my friends.
She again poked me
Me: "Yea?"
She: "Can I have a seat?"
Me: "Yes of course"
She: "Hm...are you mad at me?"
Me: "What? No! Why should I? Hope you guys enjoy your evening."
She: "Uhm...eh...okay. You too. See ya."
Well, since that no contact again.
But that moment showed me, that there must still be something in her. Are there chances? I dont know. But I hope so, because I really messed up and I like her really really, so I hope someone can help me here.
To Summerize:
- Girl wanted me for over a year.
- I rejected her for over a year, but raised always hope in her
- After a contact break of 1-2 months I came back to her, telling her that I love her, and that I'm ready for a relationship
- Firstly she wasn't that sure about how to react, but then she tried
- I was jealous about her ne friends, and especially one guy (but it seems that he really is just a friend)
- That made things more complicated, even if she told me, that she loves me, I was jealous of this guy and she wasn't that sure about all
- We don't have contact since 12 days, except that short smalltalks on that two partys. But no texting, mailing, calling, and so on.
- She was very cold as she saw me with guys or alone, but as she saw me with my ex and me ignoring her, she wanted to get my attention.
- Since the partys 5-6 days have passed.
- Maybe I see her tomorrow again on a party, I dont know, but it could be that she is there aswell.
- In the past, as she was with that guy, or that group she wasn't online at all. And it seemed the she is losing her mobile every time she is with them. But now, since that two partys last weekend, she is online nearly every hour. Facebook, whatsapp, and so on. (Maybe she's looking for me what I am doing?)
- Since that partys she tends to like photos of guys on social media networks (maybe to get my attention? making me jealous?)
So that's my situation. It's some kind of auto-rejection (I rejected her for over a year) plus to much chasing her after the rejecting for over a year.
Hope there is someone who can give me some good advice. Please help me, because I was the idiot who messed up and I want to do it better this time.
Thank you guys a lot!
Well, at first I want you to know, that I don't speak English as my native language, so I hope u don't mind some mistakes I make.
I hope here is someone, who really can give me some advice on what to do. My story with that one girl is really messed up!
It started all ca. 14 months ago. I broke up with my then girlfriend and about 2-3 weeks later I got to know the girl whom it's about know.
At the beginning we were just friends, and we met some times, and then more and more. We both agreed that we are just friends, and there won't be more. Because we both had a break up behind us, and we really didn't want to start a new relationship.
Nevertheless she fell in love with me now about 12 months ago, August last year.
I really liked her at that time, but I just couldn't start any relationship with her or with any other girl. I wasn't ready at that time. But I made the mistake to tell her the three words. And I really loved her, but I was scared I guess. I was scared about a new relationship, and if it would end just like the former one I had.
A few times I thought I could start a relationship with her, we met, we talked about it, but then I backtracked and let her alone...again, and again.
This girl did really a lot of great things for me, she was there when I needed her, she was there when I rejected her, she always was there for me, but I just behaved like an asshole. I think it was right, not to start a relationship with her at that time, because I always thought about my old relationship. I think that would not have been a good start for a relationship, but nevertheless I raised hopes in her, that I will be available soon. But I wasn't...Anyway we yet got closer to each other, kissed and so on. Think u know what I mean.
So in early 2013 we decided to break contact, well it was always my decision, because I didn't want to hurt her anymore. But after a few weeks I called her, and everything started again, maybe for a week or two and than again breaking contact. We talked about that, we decided it both, but I know she really was hurt and sad and I know how much she cried every night...
One day, after 1-2 months of no contact (that was now one month ago) I realized how dumb I was and i realized, that I really love her and I want to be with her and I just ended that shit with my old relationship in my head, I was ready for something new. So I called her, told her, and she rejected me. She told me that she is trying to be happy now, she starts to get back to life and that there are new people in her life treating her well.
I thought I wont give up, she had fought for my love for over a year! I wouldn't give up after a silly phone call.
So I did the whole romantic stuff, roses, breakfast, letters, and so on. She really was excited about that, she cried, but she couldnt kiss me, like she did before.
Some days later, we met, it was great, but I started beeing jealous of the new group of guys she was with. Especially one guy. She was with him 24/7! Everybody and she told me they are just friends, on the outside it seemed otherwise, but everybody told me so. But I started beeing more jealous and discussed with her often about him.
I have to say, I'm not a newbie, I often get girls I want, but this time...well I wasn't able to think rational, but started seeing everyrhing emotional. How could that be? I was always first in her life, and now? There are other people? Another guy? I couldn't see him as what he was, just a friend, I saw him as a potential threat. And I know he is not her type, he is younger than her and he is a complete nerd. But I saw him as a threat.
So the next 2-3 weeks we were together, some days everything was great, some days we just discussed about him. You have to know, he texted her almost every half an hour. And she told me too much about him, thats why I reacted like this. Normally I'm not the jealous kind of guy.
In that 2-3 weeks she told me often that she loves me, and she doesn't do that a lot. We got intimate, and she is very conservative in that one. So for me that was a sign, that she really loves me. But anyway, jealousness...
If she told me she wants to be with me, and that guy wrote her, I told her: You want to be with him and that group anyway, so go to them. (SO DUMB!)
I think I really messed up a lot!
So 12 Days ago she texted me, that she can't do that, and I should give it up, and that she is really annoyed, because I controll her, I ask her friends about her, her family ans so on.
I know that all these steps from me were really dumb and that all of them were really bad mistakes.
Since that day I didn't chase her and contacted her. She complained at her friends about me pressuring her, and that the roses and so on where to much.
Well I thought, after I treated her that badly for one year, I should do more now, but I think that was false.
So no contact at all since last weekend, that was 6 days after her text message. I heard from friends, that her grandma isn't doing well and that it's very urgent. So I texted her, nothing about her and me, just about her grandma, that I'm sorry for that and that my thoughts are with them.
About an hour later I saw her accidentally on a party. Smalltalk about 2 minutes. I closed the conversation and told her, that me and my mate have to go on to some other people. (I thought that's better, because not chasing and so on...u know?)
No word about my message to her, no answer to that message, nothing.
The next day I saw her again on a party. This time I sat on a bench with my friends and her new group of friends sat next to us on another bench. But she wasn't there at the beginning. Later the came, waved at me and wanted to go on, I told her to come sit next to me. She did. Smalltalk again but this time I asked her to take a walk with me. She said no. Smalltalk did go on, I asked again and she again said no and said, that she goes to the other guys now.
I was very sad about that and needed 2 minutes for me, so I went a little bit away from that place, and saw my ex-ex girlfriend. She knows about the situation.
We came back together and took a seat on the bench were my friends were.
And than something happend, my girl looked and looked and looked over to us. I just ignored it and talked to my ex, wie laughed, had fun all together, and so on.
My friends told me, that she and her friends looked over to us all the time. (I wasn't looking at her. Beeing cool, not chasing, not needy and so on.)
After a while my ex went to the toilett and the girl came to me and poked me.
I looked at her saying "yea?"
She: "uhm...we are going now, just wanted u to know that"
me: "Oh, okay. See ya
"And I turned around to my friends.
She again poked me
Me: "Yea?"
She: "Can I have a seat?"
Me: "Yes of course"
She: "Hm...are you mad at me?"
Me: "What? No! Why should I? Hope you guys enjoy your evening.
"She: "Uhm...eh...okay. You too. See ya."
Well, since that no contact again.
But that moment showed me, that there must still be something in her. Are there chances? I dont know. But I hope so, because I really messed up and I like her really really, so I hope someone can help me here.
To Summerize:
- Girl wanted me for over a year.
- I rejected her for over a year, but raised always hope in her
- After a contact break of 1-2 months I came back to her, telling her that I love her, and that I'm ready for a relationship
- Firstly she wasn't that sure about how to react, but then she tried
- I was jealous about her ne friends, and especially one guy (but it seems that he really is just a friend)
- That made things more complicated, even if she told me, that she loves me, I was jealous of this guy and she wasn't that sure about all
- We don't have contact since 12 days, except that short smalltalks on that two partys. But no texting, mailing, calling, and so on.
- She was very cold as she saw me with guys or alone, but as she saw me with my ex and me ignoring her, she wanted to get my attention.
- Since the partys 5-6 days have passed.
- Maybe I see her tomorrow again on a party, I dont know, but it could be that she is there aswell.
- In the past, as she was with that guy, or that group she wasn't online at all. And it seemed the she is losing her mobile every time she is with them. But now, since that two partys last weekend, she is online nearly every hour. Facebook, whatsapp, and so on. (Maybe she's looking for me what I am doing?)
- Since that partys she tends to like photos of guys on social media networks (maybe to get my attention? making me jealous?)
So that's my situation. It's some kind of auto-rejection (I rejected her for over a year) plus to much chasing her after the rejecting for over a year.
Hope there is someone who can give me some good advice. Please help me, because I was the idiot who messed up and I want to do it better this time.
Thank you guys a lot!
