Autorejection Catch-22

[YouKnowWhat]

Greetings board members,

I need to discuss a certain aspect of autorejection, mainly the HATRED associated with it. It seems to me that there's no easy way to escape a girl you're not interested in without eating heaps of HATE. This is even more of a problem if you show disinterest to a female who has the resources to truly screw you over. Furthermore, things get even worse if the females you show disinterest in all know each other and let their HATE swell en masse.

Now we're not talking about low or even mid tier women, we're talking about top tier women with BIG egos that are used to getting what they want from men. And avoidance is difficult due to common connections at work, school, etc. so saying "don't go back to that club" isn't going to help.

It really seems like in certain situations men have no choice but to give in to a woman's passes. I'd like to believe I have the freedom to choose women that suit my preferences, but the consequences, ahh the consequences...

So fellas how do we escape the date without eating the HATE? Discuss.

 

[Howell]

Greetings board members,

I need to discuss a certain aspect of autorejection, mainly the HATRED associated with it. It seems to me that there's no easy way to escape a girl you're not interested in without eating heaps of HATE. This is even more of a problem if you show disinterest to a female who has the resources to truly screw you over. Furthermore, things get even worse if the females you show disinterest in all know each other and let their HATE swell en masse.

Now we're not talking about low or even mid tier women, we're talking about top tier women with BIG egos that are used to getting what they want from men. And avoidance is difficult due to common connections at work, school, etc. so saying "don't go back to that club" isn't going to help.

It really seems like in certain situations men have no choice but to give in to a woman's passes. I'd like to believe I have the freedom to choose women that suit my preferences, but the consequences, ahh the consequences...

So fellas how do we escape the date without eating the HATE? Discuss.

Welcome to the boards!

I have a hard time understanding your question. It sounds like you're wondering how to avoid negative feelings from a girl you're not interested in, though. Here's my reply if that's the gist of your question:

No girl's going to be really mean unless she thinks you're pushing her down the social ladder by blatantly rejecting her. If you don't worry about getting a one up on other people though, you're not going to get many hard feelings when you just aren't into a girl. You don't consciously lead her on, and she'll almost always get it early on. You can still be friends though.

Use what girls use on you back at them. Work a little bit on building allies and good will beyond just from a sex partner standpoint.

There's always the possibility that you're projecting here. I kind of get a hint of this from your comments. Could it be that you are the one who is doing the autorejection, and they get annoyed and frustrated BECAUSE you get terse and act cold with them?

-Howell

 

[YouKnowWhat]

Welcome to the boards!

I have a hard time understanding your question. It sounds like you're wondering how to avoid negative feelings from a girl you're not interested in, though. Here's my reply if that's the gist of your question:

No girl's going to be really mean unless she thinks you're pushing her down the social ladder by blatantly rejecting her. If you don't worry about getting a one up on other people though, you're not going to get many hard feelings when you just aren't into a girl. You don't consciously lead her on, and she'll almost always get it early on. You can still be friends though.

Use what girls use on you back at them. Work a little bit on building allies and good will beyond just from a sex partner standpoint.

There's always the possibility that you're projecting here. I kind of get a hint of this from your comments. Could it be that you are the one who is doing the autorejection, and they get annoyed and frustrated BECAUSE you get terse and act cold with them?

-Howell

Thanks for the response, you are correct about the question I'm asking. These were bold approaches that came out of left field and I was caught off guard, which may be why my show of disinterest wasn't as smooth as I wanted it to be. I'm pretty sure I wasn't sending any conscious signals or else I would've seen it coming.

My most recent experience was at a gym where I workout regularly. As you know in the gym ladies come and go, they do their thing and I make sure I'm not a creep standing behind them while they do squats (yes I've seen that before). I do my part to try and not send signals because I have limited time and I want to get through my routine.

Anyways, there's this lady that worksout in the mornings, she has a good rapport with the staff at the gym. She approached me and I turned her down. It was only in hindsight that I realized she was checking me out, it's harder to catch women doing this especially when you're "in the zone" at the gym.

She doesn't show up at the usual time anymore and the demeanor of the female staff towards me changed (for the worse). I think I must have come up in a conversation among them as high value and when I turned her down she lost face in front of her friends. I'm not sure what she told the female staff, but I'm worried I'm in hot water and they might conspire to get me kicked out. They're watching me like hawks, not in a good way and it's a bit disconcerting. I am sure that she wants to workout at her usual time again, but without me there.

You could say that approaching someone during a tough workout isn't exactly the most polite way of doing things, but I'd still prefer not to send her into autorejection land even if I'm not interested. I might just cut my losses and switch to night workouts to relieve any tension. I pay good money to workout at the gym, I don't want any trouble.

 

[Howell]

I think the "trick", if we can even call it that, is to be on the offensive and not the defensive. A lot of problems go away when you can do that. For example, if you're worrying about getting kicked out and that there's an issue, you can either wait for her to act, or you can act first and address it on your terms.

Another example: When texting, you arrange a meet and you're 100% sure this girl isn't going to show up, you can actually politely cancel on her first and try and raise your attainability by so doing.

Howell

 

[YouKnowWhat]

I think the "trick", if we can even call it that, is to be on the offensive and not the defensive. A lot of problems go away when you can do that. For example, if you're worrying about getting kicked out and that there's an issue, you can either wait for her to act, or you can act first and address it on your terms.

Another example: When texting, you arrange a meet and you're 100% sure this girl isn't going to show up, you can actually politely cancel on her first and try and raise your attainability by so doing.

Howell

Sounds like a plan, I'll see what I can do reverse this thing and turn it into something positive. I'll probe around and see what surfaces in conversations with the staff, it might be all in my head, I'll find at some point though.

-what did she say to you
- how did she approach you
- what did you say back
- why do you think she took it badly
- what specifically are you noticing about the staff

I'd just like to also note that typically we refer to auto rejection as when there was initial attraction but a failure to move things forward causes the girl to auto reject and lose interest. My guess is, if you got approached by an interested girl, which is rare unless you are exceptionally sound fundamentally or extremely good looking or both. Than you handled the whole situation in an incredibly socially awkward way that made people feel uncomfortable and are misinterpreting it as their fault that they feel uncomfortable rather than searching for what you did that made them feel uncomfortable.

You make some good points sir. Let me be clear that I'm not a master seducer, but I can say that this was indeed autorejection. What I've read on body language says that this can happen if the woman is sending you strong nonverbal cues of her interest/attraction, but you fail to respond to these signals or reject them by sending negative body language in response to her nonverbal invitations to approach her. In this case the nonverbal cues were very strong and very obvious.

1. Her attire that day was rather provocative for her usual style.
2. She did her best to stay in my field of vision while reaching for her water bottle (you know what I mean) more than once
3. She brushed up against me while I was doing bent over dumbell rows (not an accident).
4. Grooming herself in the mirror while trying to establish eye contact with me.
5. Tracking me through different exercises to maintain proximity.
6. Timing her sets with my own to create a conversation window.

If it seems boldly desperate that's exactly how it looked and I'm sure other people at the gym would also agree. Stuff like this was going on for like 35mins, and I know it was directed at me because A) It was early and I was the only one on that side of the gym, B) She could've have done her usual routine on that day and hit the treadmill on the opposite side of the gym. She really put herself out there, I was almost embarrassed for her. Any one of these cues by themselves wouldn't be an issue, but the combination of them plus the repeated actions and her body orientation towards me was a strong overall signal.

I didn't think I was leading her on, I was trying to appear disinterested so she would get the message. When she realized I wasn't biting the bait she tried the proximity thing again and this time I increased my distance from her in front of everyone. That's when she gave me the stare of death and walked away. The desperate actions were a turn off to be honest.

On the other hand I could've just chatted her up and made her feel good about the "show" she was putting on and that would've avoided all of this, but am I obliged to do that?