Avoiding boyfriend frame by avoiding certain deep dive topics

[The Byronic Man]

Gang,

I've been thinking that I may be slotting myself in the boyfriend role by deep diving on topics like dreams, motivations, values, and passions. This typically starts when I ask her about what she does.

What deep dive topics do you stay away from and which topics do you stick with to reinforce the lover frame/role?

 

[Oskar]

I notice that I generally need to be more careful when talking about relationships then things like travel. Theoretically, if you open direct before diving into dreams, motivation, values, and passions, the chance of her deciding you are boyfriend material is rather low if you are using chase frames and sexual tension well while doing so. However, some girls are just out looking for boyfriends. A girl who dreams of marrying a sexy man and settling down with him when you are sitting right in front of her being a sexy and understanding man who is asking her about those very dreams and motivations while nodding can understandably screw up your attempts to become her lover. Pick up is many things, but it is nowhere near a precise science.

I don't think it matters all that much what topic you are talking about, as long as it is something they feel strongly about and that you are rewarding them for investing more with.

Although, it could be your timing. When I deep dive at the wrong time in an interaction it can tip me more towards boyfriend material just because sexy guys who don't have good timing(/control) make better boyfriends than lovers (assuming you've already set yourself outside the friend role), as they can feel safer and will be less likely to sleep with lots of other women, which can be logically attractive to girls looking for a boyfriend.

Oskar

 

[Marty]

Byron,

It's odd but I find the opposite. If I'm asking her about dreams, motivations, fears, ambitions etc. then I feel confident and in-control. It's when she starts asking me about anything, particularly if it's rapid interview-style interrogation or insisting on a full and clear answer, that I go to pieces.

-Marty