Bantering and Stereotypes

[BarryS1]

When meeting girls during day game, I am in the habit of bantering about their stereotypes. In the heat of the approach, stereotypes are one of the top things that come to mind.

I do this in the beginning, but accidentally make transitions toward sweeping generalizations. It’s something I do unconsciously now that hurts the conversation. Chase pointed this out a month ago while commenting on my FR, but I keep falling into the same trap. He noticed how the girl reacted negatively while making a sweeping generalization about women, but I am seeing the same result for other niches.

Here’s the main drawback: It gets girls talking, but in a defensive way. That means more work later on to get them comfortable before sexual.

On the other hand there’s a positive side: Shakes girls up if they are not adding to the conversation.

For example,

Oh, your hands are moist for a nurse. ———> Then I’ll say ———> Don’t you have to wash your hands all the time? I thought all nurses had to be clean.

You live by the beach, that explains the deep tan. ———> Then I’ll say ———> Hey, that necklace doesn’t have shells. Don’t all girls from the beach have that?

Here’s what I need help on:
-Cutting stereotypes out of the picture altogether OR
-Figure out how to use stereotypes less offensively and transition to personal topics with chase framing

Anyone else manage to pull this off or improve on it?

 

[PrettyDecent]

Howdy Barry,

Yeah, I remember reading that helpful suggestion by Chase - I've started implementing it a few days ago.

He basically explained that comments like these throw yourself and your gal in two categories (i.e. "you" and "beach babes", or "you" and "nurses"), as opposed to the same category ("us beach-enthusiasts", or "us medically conscious people").

Here’s the main drawback: It gets girls talking, but in a defensive way. That means more work later on to get them comfortable before sexual.

This is because stereotype bantering breaks/impedes rapport - and you compensate by building that rapport later in the conversation.

On the other hand there’s a positive side: Shakes girls up if they are not adding to the conversation.

Gotcha. I think you'd get a better effect by bantering about something else, still.

In the heat of the approach, stereotypes are one of the top things that come to mind.

Understandable. Try deliberately practicing banter based on the girl herself rather than her category for a few approaches - and your witty banter will become easier to think off-the-cuff.

~Nick

 

[BarryS1]

Hey Nick, thanks for the feedback.

Gotcha. I think you'd get a better effect by bantering about something else, still.

I see what you mean because it violates one of Chase's rules for banter: making it harmonious instead of competitive. I guess these little things add up, especially with the hot Filipina FR that Chase commented on. If my game was a little tighter (like he suggested) things may have been different. The two cases I mentioned were girls that I number closed this week, but nowhere near the caliber of the Filipina. I'll do an experiment and let you know how it goes!

 

[PrettyDecent]

I'll do an experiment and let you know how it goes!

Sounds rockin'! Let me know what witty lines you come up with, brother.

~Nick

 

[BarryS1]

Nick, I decided to take out stereotypes and banter on actions the girl and I could do. I'll try bantering about the girl sometime, but this came to mind first.

Thursday I had a date where I bantered during a transition point about taking out palm trees together in the neighborhood because we hate them. This is what it looked like:

Me: You know what I can't stand? Palm Trees in Northern California! What do you think?

Girl: Yeah, I guess they are meant for SoCal huh?

Me: I wish someone would take them out.

Girl: (Starts ranting about how it is from a different biome and affects the environment lol).

Me: Nature lovers like us should do something about it. How about you be the getaway driver and I'll chop them down with a chainsaw!

Girl: But I don't have a driver's license! Look, I'll be the one to hook a rope onto the tree and you pull it out of the ground with the car!

Me: Okay, here's our stop! (We were going to a park)

I forgot to do a chase or sexual frame at the end, but I got participation from the girl using this type of bantering. I guess you can call it, "Bantering about doing something together."

 

[PrettyDecent]

Right on! This turn into an LR?

~Nick

 

[BarryS1]

Right on! This turn into an LR?

No, we stayed in the park for 5 min. before I kissed her goodnight when she left. I was hoping to stay in the park about an hour for the sun to set because it gets dark in CA around 9pm-ish. Got no answers to the after-first-date-text the next day and when scheduling a 2nd date. I'll do a FU report on it!

Main thing is that I got better participation with the girl after avoiding "putting her in a box" with stereotypes. Thanks again for the help man!