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Quick post here in response to Scofield's question about bar / club openers: What are some good club/bar openers?
Answer to, "Does it matter what you open with?": no, not really, not at all, so long as your fundamentals are tight (you look good, your voice sounds great, you come in smoothly, etc.). You can open girls by dangling things in their faces like they're kittens, by asking for some of their food, by making faces at them, by motioning them over to join you, by throwing something at them playfully... ANYTHING, if you do it with the right vibe to back it up.
However, when you're new and you're still getting your footing, or if you're feeling a little off and you're still getting warmed up for the night, you may find it easier to have some fall back openers you can rely on. Here's a handful.
Before you open, make sure you pre-open her... it ups your opening rates and the warmth of your receptions substantially.
Openers:
Direct
"I saw you standing here... and I just HAD to come tell you... you have the most AMAZING [sense of style / hair / grace about you / poise / etc.] I've seen all night. I'm [name]."
"Killer [sense of style / hair / poise / etc.] you got there. It's nice." [wait for reaction] "I'm [name], how do you do?"
[hip-check her, bumping the side of your hip into hers lightly but firmly] "I didn't come here to get harassed, you know."
Direct pros:
Direct cons:
More on direct:
Book Excerpts: The Direct Opener
Situational
"You are having way too much fun over here."
"How's your night going?"
[nudge her to get her attention, point to something funny / unusual in the environment, then look at her and make eye contact and shrug your eyebrows like, "I don't know!"]
[something said on the fly about the environment, like, "I read on Yelp this bartender is the slowest on the West Coat," or, "You know if you look into those flashy green strobe light things for too long, you'll leave with the DJ's named etched into your retinas"]
Anything indirect direct (part situational, part direct)
Situational pros:
Situational cons:
Thoughts
If you want a balanced approach:
1. Situationally open the first 3 to 5 women you talk to in a night while you warm up to make things easier on yourself.
2. Switch to a mix of situational and direct after that - direct gets better results with girls who hook, but harsher feeling blow outs with girls who don't; situational doesn't always hook that hard, but you can use it to rebuild momentum when this is lost, and talk to girls you can't find anything to genuinely open direct over or this feels unnatural with.
Practice making up your own openers, don't just stick with those you've learned. The more you experiment, the better you get.
Vibe: read "How to Use Indirect Game to Get Girls" and practice maintaining a vibe of "it's on" no matter whether you use direct or situational openers.
Direct: read "How to Compliment a Girl Like You've Know Her for Years" and learn how to cook up new compliments on the fly - then begin doing this, so you can go direct anytime, anywhere, and always have something to say.
Also see: "When to Use Direct Openers Versus Situational Openers"
Chase
Answer to, "Does it matter what you open with?": no, not really, not at all, so long as your fundamentals are tight (you look good, your voice sounds great, you come in smoothly, etc.). You can open girls by dangling things in their faces like they're kittens, by asking for some of their food, by making faces at them, by motioning them over to join you, by throwing something at them playfully... ANYTHING, if you do it with the right vibe to back it up.
However, when you're new and you're still getting your footing, or if you're feeling a little off and you're still getting warmed up for the night, you may find it easier to have some fall back openers you can rely on. Here's a handful.
Before you open, make sure you pre-open her... it ups your opening rates and the warmth of your receptions substantially.
Openers:
Direct
"I saw you standing here... and I just HAD to come tell you... you have the most AMAZING [sense of style / hair / grace about you / poise / etc.] I've seen all night. I'm [name]."
"Killer [sense of style / hair / poise / etc.] you got there. It's nice." [wait for reaction] "I'm [name], how do you do?"
[hip-check her, bumping the side of your hip into hers lightly but firmly] "I didn't come here to get harassed, you know."
Direct pros:
- Polarizes - you'll get more blow outs, but more harder hooks, too - you get better responses from girls who stay
- Screens - girls who don't like you don't respond well; girls who do, do
- Gets to the point - no beating around the push; no her trying to figure out what you're there for, or you trying to figure out how to show her / tell her if you don't have your vibe down right
Direct cons:
- Polarizes - you'll get more blow outs, but more harder hooks, too - you get worse responses from girls who go
- Fewer women will stick around to talk to you - which makes this harder if you're new / just starting to build up experiences
- The rejections feel more "personal" - she's not rejecting your conversation, she's rejecting YOU (at least, it seems that way - she's still only rejecting how you present yourself, however, and that can change)
More on direct:
Book Excerpts: The Direct Opener
Situational
"You are having way too much fun over here."
"How's your night going?"
[nudge her to get her attention, point to something funny / unusual in the environment, then look at her and make eye contact and shrug your eyebrows like, "I don't know!"]
[something said on the fly about the environment, like, "I read on Yelp this bartender is the slowest on the West Coat," or, "You know if you look into those flashy green strobe light things for too long, you'll leave with the DJ's named etched into your retinas"]
Anything indirect direct (part situational, part direct)
Situational pros:
- Less polarizing - lower blow out rate, but positive reactions aren't as warm as with direct
- More women stick around - better for preselection / social proof, and gets you more comfortable talking to girls if you're inexperienced
- Can feel easier to do / less threatening than direct
Situational cons:
- Less polarizing - lower blow out rate, but positive reactions aren't as warm as with direct
- More women stick around - including women who are only interested in talking to you for fun or as a friend, and not interested in your as a romantic or sexual partner
- Over-reliance can lead to complacency - favoring reactions (smiling, happy women) over results (turned on, highly interested women)
Thoughts
If you want a balanced approach:
1. Situationally open the first 3 to 5 women you talk to in a night while you warm up to make things easier on yourself.
2. Switch to a mix of situational and direct after that - direct gets better results with girls who hook, but harsher feeling blow outs with girls who don't; situational doesn't always hook that hard, but you can use it to rebuild momentum when this is lost, and talk to girls you can't find anything to genuinely open direct over or this feels unnatural with.
Practice making up your own openers, don't just stick with those you've learned. The more you experiment, the better you get.
Vibe: read "How to Use Indirect Game to Get Girls" and practice maintaining a vibe of "it's on" no matter whether you use direct or situational openers.
Direct: read "How to Compliment a Girl Like You've Know Her for Years" and learn how to cook up new compliments on the fly - then begin doing this, so you can go direct anytime, anywhere, and always have something to say.
Also see: "When to Use Direct Openers Versus Situational Openers"
Chase
