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A while ago in a thread I wrote a short comment about aggression and the importance of it to get what you want in life, on the terms that you want it on.
When I was writing that I thought there might be a better word for it than ‘aggression’. That word is a loaded one, and, for various reasons, typically conjures an image of a desperate, anxious man whose incapacity to succeed has driven him into rage.
But that’s not what I meant at all, in fact that is the flip side, the negative twin, of the type of positive thrust and intent that is so useful and necessary for a man to have.
Yet I can’t think of another word for it. Instead I will try to talk a bit more about it.
…
One of the things I am forced to ‘remember’ over and over again is to be soft with women.
I am naturally a competitive, fairly logical person with a tendency toward a cynicism and a dark, cold temper that on occasion has been very useful to me and on occasion has caused me trouble. That said, I am also a very optimistic person at heart. If something can be imagined, then in my mind it is only a matter of time before it can be achieved. This has been very useful in propelling me to success in a number of things, including seduction.
But the problem is that when I tackle an obstacle, I tend to attack it. I feel a glowering, smoldering energy that gives me an almost obsessive compulsion toward solving it. But it also puts me in entirely the wrong frame of mind to be seductive to women (although, incidentally, it seems to be a point of attraction in my relationships. Probably this is because it’s very difficult for a woman to enjoy the darker aspects of a man’s nature before she learns to trust him).
Regardless, something I have to take care to do when I am seducing a new girl is to be soft. My eyes are soft and kind, my mouth smiling, my posture erect but soft, my gestures gentle and contained, and my movements slow and smooth. To be this way, I must release my need to get something, and simply live comfortably inside my desire, allowing women to approach me (psychologically speaking).
This is not in itself hard for me to do. I am a kind person by nature – or at least I can say with certainty that that is one of the parts that makes up my nature. I find women adorable, graceful, it makes me elated to see them smile and feel beautiful and be energized around me.
But when I am in a logical, analytical mode of wanting results, it is my other side, the side of me that is good at breaking down obstacles, that tends to instinctively come up, sometimes immediately, sometimes partway through. And this part of me is like a dark shadow across the sunlight of my attention, that makes women pull back and become unsure of me.
Amongst all this, then, how does one show sexual intent? Is it shown through aggression, or is it shown with a sort of pleasant, affable niceness?
In my experience, neither.
Think about last time you did something competitive, and you were easily winning. Perhaps a sport. Remember that moment you suddenly felt at ease, dominant, elated, your eyes lit up and perhaps you found yourself with a triumphant smile. Nothing your opponent did could shake you, and you just kept moving forward and winning and winning.
Or, think about the last time you had sex. Perhaps you were taking her from behind, thrusting, swiveling your hips, enjoying the feeling of total dominance, with that same feeling of elated joy.
In both those scenarios, there is no doubt some sort of aggression to your actions – you are projecting yourself forward dominantly, powerfully.
Yet is there any anxiety, desperation, malcontent there? No. It is a positive, satisfying experience. Your actions are dominant, but they are done with a sense of ease, joy, profound satisfaction. There is nothing bitter, frenetic, violent, or out of control.
This is the sort of aggression that a man benefits from. It is a sense of dominance from which his actions exude with almost no effort, uninhibited, untainted with negative emotion. A place he can occupy with a countenance of exuberant, uninhibited joy, and a tranquil conscience.
To put it in perspective, dominance, aggression, all these things as we know are correlated with testosterone. But testosterone is not in itself a positive or negative hormone. It is simply a driver toward dominance. Both aggression of all kinds, and generosity, are linked to it. Both of these are reflections of a sense of dominance – generosity can only be truly generous when it is done not out of fear, but out of kindness, from a position of power toward one in a position of weakness. When you thrust into a woman and then kiss her or caress her, it is your sense of dominance that drives both these actions.
A dominant man can afford to be soft and generous. Perhaps that is where the word ‘gentleman’ came from. Regardless, think of those men, like Sean Connery and Carey Grant who in the 60s and 70s embodied the concept of a gentleman – relaxed, at ease, kind and playful, but always totally dominant.
Next time you lock eyes with a woman, be soft, gentle, and kind in your expression, but do it with a sense of dominance, not weakness or neediness. And you may find that it is in this position that she feels most secure, most beautiful, and most happy.
When I was writing that I thought there might be a better word for it than ‘aggression’. That word is a loaded one, and, for various reasons, typically conjures an image of a desperate, anxious man whose incapacity to succeed has driven him into rage.
But that’s not what I meant at all, in fact that is the flip side, the negative twin, of the type of positive thrust and intent that is so useful and necessary for a man to have.
Yet I can’t think of another word for it. Instead I will try to talk a bit more about it.
…
One of the things I am forced to ‘remember’ over and over again is to be soft with women.
I am naturally a competitive, fairly logical person with a tendency toward a cynicism and a dark, cold temper that on occasion has been very useful to me and on occasion has caused me trouble. That said, I am also a very optimistic person at heart. If something can be imagined, then in my mind it is only a matter of time before it can be achieved. This has been very useful in propelling me to success in a number of things, including seduction.
But the problem is that when I tackle an obstacle, I tend to attack it. I feel a glowering, smoldering energy that gives me an almost obsessive compulsion toward solving it. But it also puts me in entirely the wrong frame of mind to be seductive to women (although, incidentally, it seems to be a point of attraction in my relationships. Probably this is because it’s very difficult for a woman to enjoy the darker aspects of a man’s nature before she learns to trust him).
Regardless, something I have to take care to do when I am seducing a new girl is to be soft. My eyes are soft and kind, my mouth smiling, my posture erect but soft, my gestures gentle and contained, and my movements slow and smooth. To be this way, I must release my need to get something, and simply live comfortably inside my desire, allowing women to approach me (psychologically speaking).
This is not in itself hard for me to do. I am a kind person by nature – or at least I can say with certainty that that is one of the parts that makes up my nature. I find women adorable, graceful, it makes me elated to see them smile and feel beautiful and be energized around me.
But when I am in a logical, analytical mode of wanting results, it is my other side, the side of me that is good at breaking down obstacles, that tends to instinctively come up, sometimes immediately, sometimes partway through. And this part of me is like a dark shadow across the sunlight of my attention, that makes women pull back and become unsure of me.
Amongst all this, then, how does one show sexual intent? Is it shown through aggression, or is it shown with a sort of pleasant, affable niceness?
In my experience, neither.
Think about last time you did something competitive, and you were easily winning. Perhaps a sport. Remember that moment you suddenly felt at ease, dominant, elated, your eyes lit up and perhaps you found yourself with a triumphant smile. Nothing your opponent did could shake you, and you just kept moving forward and winning and winning.
Or, think about the last time you had sex. Perhaps you were taking her from behind, thrusting, swiveling your hips, enjoying the feeling of total dominance, with that same feeling of elated joy.
In both those scenarios, there is no doubt some sort of aggression to your actions – you are projecting yourself forward dominantly, powerfully.
Yet is there any anxiety, desperation, malcontent there? No. It is a positive, satisfying experience. Your actions are dominant, but they are done with a sense of ease, joy, profound satisfaction. There is nothing bitter, frenetic, violent, or out of control.
This is the sort of aggression that a man benefits from. It is a sense of dominance from which his actions exude with almost no effort, uninhibited, untainted with negative emotion. A place he can occupy with a countenance of exuberant, uninhibited joy, and a tranquil conscience.
To put it in perspective, dominance, aggression, all these things as we know are correlated with testosterone. But testosterone is not in itself a positive or negative hormone. It is simply a driver toward dominance. Both aggression of all kinds, and generosity, are linked to it. Both of these are reflections of a sense of dominance – generosity can only be truly generous when it is done not out of fear, but out of kindness, from a position of power toward one in a position of weakness. When you thrust into a woman and then kiss her or caress her, it is your sense of dominance that drives both these actions.
A dominant man can afford to be soft and generous. Perhaps that is where the word ‘gentleman’ came from. Regardless, think of those men, like Sean Connery and Carey Grant who in the 60s and 70s embodied the concept of a gentleman – relaxed, at ease, kind and playful, but always totally dominant.
Next time you lock eyes with a woman, be soft, gentle, and kind in your expression, but do it with a sense of dominance, not weakness or neediness. And you may find that it is in this position that she feels most secure, most beautiful, and most happy.
