Been with GF for 2 month...still no sex

[stoiclover]

Now hear me out, I know why would I gf her before sex? Well this is the kind of girl who I don't think gives it up easy. But I genuinely feel refreshed around her and enjoy her company.

We have heavy makeout sessions lasting 2+ hours sometimes and all I can do is play with her nipples. She wraps her legs around me but when I try to smoothly escalate to, for example, sticking my hand down her pants, she pulls my hand away. She says "Sorry I'm slow".

She's a college freshman, had several boyfriends in high school, one relationship that lasted over a year. And she's Catholic. She doesn't make out like a virgin, but I'm starting to have my doubts.

What's my long term strategy here? cause this is the kind of girl I'd like to longterm date but I have primal needs nomsayin'

 

[JimmyB]

If you're good and a girl is really into you, you will sleep together within 3 dates most of the time. Keep finding more girls - don't try to "lock down" one of them just because she's willing to make out with you. What is making her your girlfriend? The fact that you don't have more girls around to hook up with. There's no point in closing yourself off to more options. Explore! This girl is probably into you but only like 60% interested. She likes you to hook up with but not to let you have sex with her. That's an indicator of interest. I don't think you should ever have too long term of a strategy with a girl . . . show her a good time, have a good time yourself, and sleep together. Relationships will evolve out of that. You can't force a long term relationship - you're only kidding yourself.

 

[HellAtlantic]

OP are you in college too? If so you might wanna rethink your strategy. College is definitely NOT the time to lock yourself down.

Jimmy gave you excellent advice. What exactly makes her your GF? The fact that you make out? A relationship without sex is basically just being good friends with a girl. Maybe sometimes you make out, maybe you see each other naked but without intimacy you're just really good friends.

I broke up with a girl in college because after we were having sex she decided to become more religious and wanted to take a step back from sex. I said she's allowed to live her life any way she likes and I'm allowed to live mine any way I like and I couldn't allow the decisions she made on her life to affect how I live mine. She didn't like that but breakups aren't typically fun anyway.

Odds are you're a young guy. Trust me you want to be using this time to rack up tons of experience with a girl. You may have to have a talk with her and find out if being "exclusive" is necessary. You do t have to be "exclusive" if all you do with a girl is make out and have nice conversations. BF/GF tag is normally reserved for more intimate relationships.

 

[stoiclover]

Yeah I'm in college guys. Here's another juicy detail: she's spending next semester (3-4 mths) studying in scotland. That gives me an easy out I guess.

Before I give up on her though I want to approach the sex thing head on--tell her directly that I need intimacy and ask her what her beliefs on that are. Good or bad approach?

Maybe I have been overthinking this whole relationship thing...it's just that it's been 2 years since I've had a gf, not just casual things.

 

[JimmyB]

You can always bring up any issue head on by verbalizing it, but when it comes to sex that's not what this site advocates. Why? Because that's not how you end up sleeping with women. Go ahead, but do you think that you two discussing sex is the key factor that will now make her ready? Chances are, no. Has she said anything about you two being exclusive, or are you just assuming as much? If she's going abroad, go around and rack up some experience with girls around campus. Don't keep in touch with her unless SHE does the initiating. Go about your life. When she comes back, get in touch, go on a date and seal the deal. After a long stretch apart if she liked you she will be yearning for you to make it happen.

 

[Quatzolect]

Stoiclover, my long term strategy for girls like this starts with 'd' and ends with 'ump'. It might be a bit abrasive, but I'm a busy guy, and so I try and make the most of my time with women. I understand that you 'genuinely feel refreshed around her and enjoy her company' but guess what; the brilliant thing about women is there are just so damn many of them that you can always find another one that makes you feel the same way. That would be my advice.

However, to answer the question of how you can start having sex with this girl, here are some tips from my perspective:
1

Well this is the kind of girl who I don't think gives it up easy.

Realize that just because you and her haven't been having sex, that doesn't mean she ain't be having sex. This goes double in college. While it possible that she has been stay true, girls have them primal needs too. This little change in your mindset can go along way, specifically in helping you break through resistance to sexual advances. It certainly helped me.

2

We have heavy makeout sessions lasting 2+ hours sometimes

If you like just making out, go for it. However, it sounds like you aren't getting what you want. From my read on the situation, she is though. How is she getting what she wants if she ain't having sex? Well, let's just say if the girl knows you make out with her for 2+ hours, she knows she could be having sex with you. Now of course she need sex as well, but see my point above for that.

3

She wraps her legs around me but when I try to smoothly escalate to, for example, sticking my hand down her pants, she pulls my hand away. She says "Sorry I'm slow"

'Sorry I'm slow' seems like a test to me, in which case she wants you too persist. There are lots of articles on the site about escalation ladders and how to rinse and repeat, so check some of them out. Alternately, she could still be too much in a logic state for you too push hints farther, in which I'd point you to the same article again.

Hope this helps with the chica, but again if I was in your situation,(and believe me I have been. It took me three different situations like this for me to finally get it), the next time she says 'Sorry I'm slow', I would just respond with 'Too slow for me at least' and just walk out.

 

[Zoro]

College is definitely NOT the time to lock yourself down.

Stoiclover,

Unless you love having blue balls, STOP having 2 hour make out sessions with ANY girl. This strongly communicates all the wrong messages - that you are a man who lets her lead, if you can't get sex then you settle and that you don't value your time, etc.

I would read up on the article about not taking what girls say on face-value.

 

[Quatzolect]

STOP having 2 hour make out sessions with ANY girl. This strongly communicates all the wrong messages - that you are a man who lets her lead, if you can't get sex then you settle and that you don't value your time, etc.

Amen brother