Before I shoot myself in the foot..

[Sam Dray]

Greetings fellow members..

Advice needed.. Here's my story.
Last year.. I met this girl via social circle and I was able to set the proper frame.. Disqualifying myself as a boyfriend and just making her a female friend. We hung out once in a while and I'd always keep it short (about 30-45 minutes.. Then we would go our seperate ways)

Fast forward to a few months later.. And one of her friends in class (we go to the same school) dared her to kiss me. She told me about this.. And I resisted at first.. Because I was approaching other girls and focusing on abundance mentality and her ex is one of my friends.. so I did not want to break any bro code rules.

She dropped the subject for a few weeks.. And we only met via social circle cause I was really busy and could not meet any girl one on one for a while.

I ran into her and her two classmates one afternoon.. On may home.

Long story short.. She randomly kissed me mid-conversation.. And I had no choice but to kiss her back because I did not wanna cause a scene infront of her friends. I pulled away first and she told me that her friends were here as "witnesses to make sure she completed the dare".

I won't lie though. I slipped up and the frame I set changed and we were in FWB territory.. And we would make out every 6 out of 10 we met after classes (yes I was counting.. I needed the statistics).

I bounced back and managed to reset the frame.. Telling her I'm leaving town (which I really was) in a few months..and I'm emotionally unavailable for a relationship.

Fast foward to this year.. I did not leave town (plans changed) and she has a boyfriend.. But she recently sent me a text in which she tells me.. "I thought I was over you" and goes on to say that she's confused because we were never in a relationship.

My question to you fellow members is: How do I reply to this text in a way that keeps the frame I set from slipping up again and avoid auto-rejection?

Note: As I said.. She has a boyfriend.. And I don't mess around with girls that are not single (I would not want anyone else pleasuring my girl either). And she recently tried to kiss me.

Sam (slick)

 

[Man-O]

She randomly kissed me mid-conversation.. And I had no choice but to kiss her back because I did not wanna cause a scene infront of her friends.

You had no choice? You always have a choice dude. Even after the kiss you had a choice to keep you both as friends and yet you did it several times after that. Life isn't that complicated, I'd say you were having fun with her.

How do I reply to this text in a way that keeps the frame I set from slipping up again and avoid auto-rejection?

Why's the frame so important? You want to be friends with her wanting you whole the time as before when you "framed" it for your own validation? Since you don't want to be fwb?

Note: As I said.. She has a boyfriend.. And I don't mess around with girls that are not single (I would not want anyone else pleasuring my girl either). And she recently tried to kiss me.

Girls who cheat will find someone to cheat with, be it you or another as she clearly isn't satisfied with one guy or simply her current bf is lacking. It's rly a free market.

 

[Sam Dray]

Man-O

I get where you're coming from. I guess it was an error on my side..and putting too much pressure on myself.

Your reply is an eye-opener..and I do see now that I have to change my mental model.. in terms of how I view and practice pick-up.

I still have a lot of work to do.

 

[Man-O]

Well, game is a lot more than pick up if you ask me. The first wing from a pu community I went out with had and still has a mindset that's pretty much akin to what you describe and it's definetly not healthy in any kind of game. The first month of meeting him he had a gf and he only wanted to learn about the dynamics of socializing and how to come up on top and achieve a leader role without being seen as the leader...

I realized why he had this mentality of needing validation, and whenever I discussed it with him he'd get very annoyed and either react defensive or offensively with a lot of excuses why. His background was pretty much of one who hadn't received enough attention when he was a kid and he had gotten some weird models thorugh older pu that he sincerely thought was the best.

He ended up avoiding things that could be exposing his self esteem and always had excuses for it. He also had an urge to prove himself better than others and if he couldn't he'd avoid it.

Examples:
He'd rarely approach directly as it's in general lowering self esteem to walk over to others instead of having them come to him. Instead he'd be on the dance floor and wait for the girls to start dancing upside him and then still dismiss them in some way, never to get anything out of it but validation. If I asked why he didn't n-closed the pretty one he'd say she wasn't pretty enough etc.. Even if he did n-close a pretty girl he still didn't take action and just typed with her.

If I was having a blast and rly did well (considering my lvl) he'd walk home because "he didn't feel like being in the mood".
He'd also hide stuff and never be honest.

You simply become someone who doesn't feel safe and the stuff will be reflected back on ppl around you. It's also good to have ego but at some point it's very detrimental to your game. One just have to reflect on it from time to time.

 

[Sam Dray]

Yeah... totally understandable..
Yes.. PU is about meeting women and improving your skill set..

But it's meaningless if you approach it with the wrong mindset and an attitude/ego that seeks validation..

Thanks Man-O for the advice ..You've given me a lot to think about and work on..

 

[Drck]

It all depends on what you want, so there is always different answers...

If you want to sleep with different girls, I wouldn't probably bother that much. Focus on other girls, though you could probably have fun with this one too. But why bother with this girl if she already has a BF?

On the other hand, if you want something more serious it might be a different story. She text you and she is telling you that she is not over you. Ok, she might be bored but most likely not. She is investing into you. She has a "boyfriend" but she texts another guy... So the BF doesn't have that much value for her, she could easily lose him for another guy. Do you think that girl who is in love with guy she really wants would risk losing him? She wouldn't. At this time, this girl doesn't care much about her current BF, which of course can change...

Also be careful so you don't end up in her orbit.

As stated above, I wouldn't much care about frame at this time. Ask her out, move her around, this place and that place. Get physical, that is your frame. If she goes for a date she is interested. If not, well...

Don't call it a date, and don't show her emotions. You go out to have good time only - you don't go out to tell her that your heart is beating only for her, forever and ever, that you love and and other crap like that.... Fuck no, don't ever tell her that or she will drop you on the spot. You should sleep with girl at least seven times before you even consider telling her stuff like that.