Hey everyone,
I first posted here several days ago,
https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/is-it-realistic-for-a-54-man-to-do-well-with-women.30856/
Well, good news, I ended up going on a date with a girl I matched a while ago, here's the summary. I'm writing more details down than you might be interested in for my own purpose. Let me know if this isn't in the format for a date report on this forum...
Pre-Date
I first posted here several days ago,
https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/is-it-realistic-for-a-54-man-to-do-well-with-women.30856/
Well, good news, I ended up going on a date with a girl I matched a while ago, here's the summary. I'm writing more details down than you might be interested in for my own purpose. Let me know if this isn't in the format for a date report on this forum...
Pre-Date
- I thought she was cutish Asian girl that had some really bad photos in terms of showcasing her looks but showed she had some kind of personality. Archetype was traditional girlfriend type. To me it meant: Could be a diamond in the rough because the photos weren't clear at all but seemed to be not that intelligent or socially competent.
- I replied to her Hinge prompt: "I want someone who... Doesn't know how to lie" with "My mom says I'm too honest does that count? Haha"
- It took her 10 days later to reply: "No that's a good thing (laughing emoji) how r u?"
- I replied the following day joking that she received my texts via carrier pigeon, and then told her I was at my best friends wedding in a different state, but would be coming back in a few days, asking how she was doing.
- She didn't respond. Between this time I went on two dates with girls I wasn't attracted to, I didn't count them as dates. I took a break from dating for a while, as I had difficulty getting over my ex. 6 months later (May 25) I sent her a message, "Alive!?"
- She replied with high interest and curiousity about my new photos. I didn't add any new photos, just some pieces of artwork I liked and one place I travelled to in SF. She showed a high degree of curiousity and enthusiasm this time around so I knew she was emotionally invested, so I went for a soft coffee date close, "We should get coffee sometime"
- She asked for my schedule and I said I was free on Sunday
- She didn't reply for a couple days, so I sent a message "Don't think too hard now"
- She responded the day of, apologizing that she had a big brain and asked for more details on where to go. She stated that she didn't like coffee. This is probably why she didn't respond to my scheduling.
- Learning #1: Ask Asian girls if they want boba instead of coffee. There's quite a few that don't drink coffee, like this girl, which can end up ruining the scheduling.
- Learning #2: Not sure about this one. But I should have probably suggested a location or asked a clarifying question instead of just saying I'm free on Sunday. Clearly it would have been easier if I lead more. At the same time I have tried to overstuff with details on the venue before though and it seemed to be a bad idea, which is why I simply stated my availability.
- I just used Google maps to find an acceptable venue and shot her the deets, and she seemed happy enough to go. It took her a while to confirm the date though, around 10 hrs.
- I had never been to her part of town in SF, so I decided I would go a bit earlier. This ended up being a good thing because the venue I chose was in a really shitty area. I told her to go to a different venue pretty much last 5 min, which she complied. However on driving to that venue, I realized they had no seating there, even though they had seating in the photos I saw online from a year ago.
- Learning #1 It seems to be a common issue with boba shops that they don't really have the best interiors.
- Learning #2 Scout the venue beforehand. The reason I didn't want to scout was because her area was 45 min away from mine.
- I communicated her that there was no seating here, and then segued to asking for her phone number, admitting I didn't know the area too well and that we could figure it out together.
- Yeah, this is pretty shit, but at least I got her number and proactively called her and showed that I cared about the venue. This is just a classic mistake of mine that I'm always deceived by the yelp reviews and I found the whole situation amusing.
- We settled on meeting at a mall which had a Happy Lemon inside. It ended up being a pretty nice mall with great walkablility and cute for a date. This would end up being a positive reference in terms of how I could conduct a instadate at a mall.
- She was much more attractive than in photos. She had red tipped hair and brown eye contact lenses and nice pale skin. Overall, a very cute look and definitely my type, a turn on to me. I immediately noticed her submissiveness/femininity/shyness when I went for a hug with her. I liked her perfume and manner of speaking.
- The day before, I found https://web.archive.org/web/20200921103550/https://magnumlivelarge.blog/2019/01/10/94/ and decided I would try for this, which recommends going for a hug
- I went for a half-hug. I put my arm around her and saw she didn't respond so I didn't go for the full hug. I have no idea how to get a full hug and didn't want to do anything uncalibrated. I should have just asked for a hug directly, reflecting.
- For reference, my ex was a Yes girl, pretty much was compliant and submissive immediately, with anime eyes, so I was able to escalate on her very easily. So I don't know how to convert Maybe's.
- I could tell she was a Maybe girl. To be honest I have no experience with escalating Maybe girls to girlfriends. She wasn't giving any IOI's (pretty much didn't show any throughout the date) but I could tell there was a path to escalation.
- Her profile had her height at 5'5". I was pretty much around her height even with lifts on, perhaps a little shorter. This is frustrating; I think for some reason my shoes don't give as much lift as before. Don't get me wrong, I like taller girls. But she started slouching, perhaps to accomodate me, which irritated me and reminded me of the other girl I went on a date with who was doing the same thing. I just teased her that her posture was bad and put my hand against her back.
- I need to get better lifts, otherwise the girls will be disappointed about my lack of height because I list myself as 5'7". I would list myself at my height but let's be honest, it would be even more difficult for me to get matches.
- I didn't pay for her drink. To be honest, I never have paid and I was wondering everyone's thoughts about this.
- My kino ladder was like this: half-hug -> hand on her shoulder/hand on her back/playing with her hair -> I touched her hand and made her lift it up, noticing she didn't have any nail paint -> tried to hold her hand a couple times but she didn't comply. I regret not being more aggressive. I ran out of time to escalate by the end of the date. :/ -> locked arms with her a few times. When I did this she smiled and talked to me more excitedly
- I never went for a kiss. I just didn't see enough attraction from her end at all. From what I see online, some suggest that going for handholding isn't appropriate. I wonder why because I had success with this in the past.
- We went to many different areas of the mall, walked outdoors, etc. We talked about ourselves and I tried to tease her sometimes and she teased me sometimes too. I tried to build on the conversation topics suggested by magnum like her past relationships and what she liked in guys. Unfortunately I didn't really focus on this hard enough I think.
- The date was lukewarm. I felt like I needed more time to build the attraction, I didn't know how to break resistance. I wanted to persist more, but completely lost track of time, she mentioned the time as an indication she wanted to leave, I tried to salvage it by saying I have to go, but it's clear she wanted the date to end, instead of me ending it. I thought our conversation flow was good. I wanted to talk less (apparently this is better) but at the same time, I was enjoying the conversation.
- Highlight: Hitting her with a pillow/plushie thing in a furniture section and her trying to block it with a cupholder as a shield
- My conclusion: I thought she liked me but didn't think I was all that. I was disappointed that I wasn't able to do more. I don't think I stood out enough from her other dating options probably. I don't think she was that attracted to me. I had a playful and nonchalant attitude so I do wonder if she would be willing to go out again. It's a shame because it's my first experience going out with a girl I was pretty attracted to and not being able to seal the deal.
- I gave her a half hug (was trying to go for a the big hug but worried it's not calibrated) and she didn't reciprocate. We said our goodbyes in a polite way.
- Overall, I learned a lot from this interaction and I have some idea of how to improve.
- What should I have done differently? I guess I should have been much more dominant, just not sure how. I'm thinking that I should be less playful and more masculine. I think I come off as pretty boyish because of how careless and playful I am, and my overall look
- I need help asking for a second date. I'm not sure if there's much chance for a second date, but I might as well try. My current idea is to say something like -
- Hey you, I enjoyed pillow fighting with you a ton haha/add something else complementary about the date or her?. I would like to take you out for dinner sometime one of these days. No pillows this time so you'll be safe (winking emoji)
- I could also add something in Chinese because we both explored the fact we have really shit Chinese and I teased her a lot about it.
- Thinking of sending it the day after the date (tomorrow)
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