Beginner Struggles - Odd Situation - Please Help!

[squirrel]

I'm new and a first time poster. Long story short, my intimate life (and social life, for that matter) is a mess because I'm awkward and have intense approach anxiety. I'm focused on growing beyond this. I just discovered this website yesterday and I'm planning on beginning the 14-step beginner's challenge (which I am sort of doing in conjunction with the 30-day beginners assignments) when I get back to the U.S. to help move me past these issues.

A beginner question right off the bat if anyone has an answer: are the techniques on this site age-proof? I'm now past my twenties and hoping to increase my attractiveness to women and hook up more successfully and frequently.

Now, the odd situation:

So, there's this girl I matched with on Tinder a while back (maybe 3 weeks) while I was driving through her town. We've been texting almost everyday since. We've made plans to meet at the airport when I land from my overseas trip, which won't happen for another 3 weeks. The idea is that we are going to explore the airport's city together. I have a hotel room in that city for the night and a friend is picking me up to bring me home the following day. She's planning on seeing me during that day and then leaving before bed so she won't stay in the hotel - I'm hoping she stays the night - or leaves after we've hooked up (she might hope this means more, but I don't give a damn).

My actions so far violate numerous principles that have been espoused on this site:

1. We chat a lot on text and it seems best to use texting for planning and then staying cool until I'm going to be nearby again.
2. The "date" is set-up 4 weeks in advance.
3. I'm almost positive based on what I've read here that despite the distance between us, she's probably mentally placed me in the "boyfriend" zone.

So, is there a way I can play this? As it stands, she'll be picking me up from an airport in a major city that lies between our rural havens in 3.5 weeks. I've slowed down the extent to which we are texting since I found this website yesterday. Am I too far in the hole to sleep with her? If so, do I tell her to forget about it and just practice game in the city until my friend shows up? If not, how do I play this via text and in person to optimize my chances?

FYI: I'm past tipsy so if any of this doesn't make sense, ask and I will clarify when I sober up. But I'm usually still pretty good with my words while drunk...

 

[Inbocca]

Welcome to the boards, man!

A beginner question right off the bat if anyone has an answer: are the techniques on this site age-proof?

One of the first things I read about this site (from some other dating advice review site) was that Chase knows what he's talking about but it tends to be more applicable to older guys. From what I've seen, that's hogwash. There's a good mix of older and younger guys on the forums, but who ends up more successful all depends on how much work they put into it. Some bits of advice apply more to one age group than others, but they're usually marked or obvious.

Regarding your situation:
You're starting to see the things you've done wrong so far. Most important is to make a mental note not to do those things in the future, but you've got to come up with some alternative behaviors or you'll likely find yourself reverting to habit. Like you said, use text sparingly and mostly to a) build rapport (more crucial when you meet online) and b) arrange a meetup. To compensate for the lack of texting activity (which a lot of girls are not used to from guys who want to date them), you want to arrange the meets as quickly as possible. The date is set out kind of far, which gives her a lot of time to change her mind. Since you're out of the country, it would have been better to make the plans after you get back. What if you met a new girl in three weeks? What if you had such a good time overseas that you forgot all about whats-her-name by the time you got back? Those are things she should at least have in the back of her mind that she doesn't when you set up a date that far in advance.

The good news is since she's from a smaller town, she may have fewer options and be willing to look past some of this if she likes you enough. Don't invest too much more into this, but keep your options open. Let her know when you get back and follow through on your plans. Don't despair if things fall through; now you know why. Keep meeting other girls like you said, and post your field reports. Looking forward to seeing that newbie assignment.

Cheers

 

[squirrel]

Thanks, Inbocca, for the reply and the welcome! I'm working on replacing my bad habits with stuff I'm reading on here. The stuff on this site has already been helpful in that regard. And you're right, if this falls through, I have a better understanding of why instead of just a feeling of despair and "oh no, not again!"

I'm excited about the process of taking on the newbie assignments when I get back home. I'm not going to be able to do it day by day because I won't do it in my small town. I know everyone here already and I don't want to start working those angles until I gain some skill so I'm going to have to trek toward the city. I can do that 2-3 times per week. I'm thinking about doing multiple "days" in one outing sometimes, though. Such as, for example: Do Day 2, go somewhere to collect my thoughts, write about it; reflect; read a little, and then go back and do Day 3. I'll hammer that out when I get back stateside.

 

[Sandman]

One thing I wanna add is when you invest in a girl even if it's nothing heavy, like texting or spending some time together without the courtship actually going forward, it makes you much less able to get that girl or any girl at all.

I usually cut contact if I can't meet up with a girl after texting (at most) three times. A more experienced guy with absolute abundance might be able to pull a long game. But it's not for me. It frees my mind, it frees my time, it increases my motivation to approach other girls. Even if it seems like you have no other prospects at the moment, believe me, it will be much better to cut her off and use your energy to meet other girls.

 

[squirrel]

mrre, thanks for the reply! I'm glad to be in the community getting some advice. Your advice reflects a lot of what I've recently been reading about on here. I've been reducing my interactions with her (without eliminating) to limit our conversations (she tends to text me a lot with plenty of photos and I'll respond to those a little to reward her investment before going MIA again). hile putting into practice what I've read here on girls I'm meeting elsewhere in the meantime with... well, mixed results. The plan is to meet up with this girl I've been texting in the city where I'll be landing - she'll be picking me up from my hotel to go do shit in the city. If she flakes, I'm going to practice some of what I've learned and see if I can move really fast with someone before returning to my hometown the day after my flight lands. So, the way I see it, win-win... I've recognized from the basic theory being discussed on here that my chances are drastically diminished with this girl because of the length of time and amount of texts, but I figure if she's willing to drive 90 minutes to meet me at a hotel, it's still worth some investment - if it doesn't work out, lesson learned and I'll hit the city and practice game.

What's awesome is my old mentality would keep all my eggs in this basket, but thanks to advice on this site, this situation has actually kinda led me to be more out there -- like this girl is almost like a fall back and since I have her in my back pocket at the moment, I'm more bold in my current (kinda lame, but still learning) approaches. I was actually able to set-up a date with an acroyoga chick this Saturday and another for Tuesday. My game isn't super tight yet, and they might flake and I might not be able to stop it - or I might not be able to get her alone or whatever... but, I've never had the balls to even speak friendly to a girl of the acroyoga chick's caliber, let alone push for a date. It's also easier to be more fearless when I'm away from my hometown.

At any rate, this is how I see it and why, but I'm new and don't know any better. What I'm gathering as central to your is advice that says: "don't let this girl be your only prospect and get off your ass and meet girls" and I think I'm doing that without completely dropping the girl. In this case, would you still advise that I drop this chick and just make "Plan B - use my day in the city practicing game on fresh faces" my one and only plan?

 

[Inbocca]

No need to drop a girl unless she's a waste of time (either directly leading you on or messing your life up, or indirectly by your over-investment and pining sans action). If you feel she's a waste of time, drop her. If not, don't.

A healthier mindset to adopt in the long run would to always rely on your "plan B" as plan A. No one girl should ever be the main focus if your goal is to meet more women. Even if you're just looking for a girlfriend, she shouldn't be your main focus if you're not hers.

 

[Sandman]

I agree with inbocca, no need to drop her yet. Just be mindful of the dangers