Being a leader of men/accomplishing goals

[alleniverson]

Guys- I'm feeling a little lost.
I just started college and am definitely loving it. Been partying, hooking up with girls, and making friends. But before I went to college I told myself I was going to really strive to do two things: 1) improve my game and overall fundaments to become a seduction sensei, and 2) to do everything in my power to become a leader and advance myself in student organizations (including fraternity- pledging one right now) in order to gain power on campus and get job internships. You see, I have always longed for success. But I have also always been more of a dreamer by night than by day, so to speak. Im basically lazy and don't take action on my goals even though I feel I have the tools to do so.
Yes, I'm doing well with girls. In fact I've fucked 9 girls since the beginning of summer, 2 back home, and seven up here, bringing my life total to 14. I am better now than I have ever been. But I know I can be doing better. I think about game and read girls chase everyday, but I don't actively tweak myself every day- it's just more mindset alterations. And although I have good game, I do not always come across as the type of R selected man I am trying to be, and actually have been. I want to passively ooze the vibe i get laid by hot chicks 24/7 in a non cocky way, I just don't. Another thing is- in order to do well and gain power in student organizations and my fraternity I need to be more of a leader of men. And although I am probably better with women than almost all of the guys in my fraternity and most dudes I interact with, I seem to struggle with commanding the respect of fellow males and being a leader. I feel like I subconsciously want to be liked too much by the guys I meet, and in turn it has turned me into a follower, not a leader. I feel as if when I try to be cool (following Chase's article) I seem not as likable as a result.
I'm sure it sounds like I am just venting about my whoas, but I wanted to put my mental troubles out there so I could go about addressing them. I need to be more of a leader of men, and I need to be more motivated to accomplishing my goals. I have never really had a passion, or a sustained one at least, and am just not really sure what my deal is. Rereading what I've written, it sounds like the answer is low testosterone, or maybe depression- two things which i don't believe are the case but are slightly possible. And right now I am struggling on keeping up my motivation to do the pledging tasks even though joining a fraternity has been something i've looked forward to for a long time- which I feel it's as if it's because I just don't fit in super well.
Anyways, just had to write this all out. If anyone has any ideas on helping me become more of a coexisting leader of men, gaining more interest in attacking my goals head on, and finding and pursuing interests it would be greatly appreciated. I've read a massive bulk of the girls chase articles, I'm just not totally sure what to do.
Thanks for reading
Allen

 

[Thedoctor]

Allen,

And although I have good game, I do not always come across as the type of R selected man I am trying to be, and actually have been. I want to passively ooze the vibe i get laid by hot chicks 24/7 in a non cocky way, I just don't.

Another thing is- in order to do well and gain power in student organizations and my fraternity I need to be more of a leader of men. And although I am probably better with women than almost all of the guys in my fraternity and most dudes I interact with, I seem to struggle with commanding the respect of fellow males and being a leader. I feel like I subconsciously want to be liked too much by the guys I meet, and in turn it has turned me into a follower, not a leader. I feel as if when I try to be cool (following Chase's article) I seem not as likable as a result.

You can't force these things. They just happen naturally on their own. If you have good game and sleep with lots of women, then it will come out in your confidence and in your abundance-like outlook. If it's not, then I'd say either you still don't have an abundance mentality or you are lacking confidence in some areas.

As for being a leader, people naturally flock to these types of people. You know, the guy that seems like he's never in a rush. Always cool, confident and always in control. etc. So if you continue to work in those areas, you'll notice you'll probably find yourself in position where you are leading people. Again, try not force it. Leaders sometimes are not liked, but they are always respected. You need to keep that in mind if you are finding yourself thinking you're not as likeable.

-John

 

[ray_zorse]

Being a leader is a lot about respect, right?

Referring to the article on respect on the main site, Chase (IIRC) says there are two sides to the coin, demanding respect vs. earning respect. In your manner, fundamentals etc you demand respect... by getting preselected you earn respect... but that's not the only way.

Now I know you're looking for a kind of cool, laid back, "law of least effort" type leadership, but what does the law of least effort say? Put in the minimum amount of effort that gets you what you want!

Think how this applies to a seduction, when you do an approach you're, well, chasing... but what this does is bring someone into your orbit where you can then set about making them chase.

On leadership it will be similar, you will have to earn the respect, at least at the beginning, to get people into your orbit. Preferably the people who will defer to your leadership.

Now I digress a little to recommend you read Robert Caro's excellent 4 volume biography of Lyndon Johnson (just a little light reading for you), some people want and need to be led... Walter Jenkins, Mary Rather, Lady Bird Johnson... he acted like a complete c--t to them and they ate it up because they looked up to him and his occasional praise was so valuable to them.

Anyway, back to what I was saying... here's something that worked for me. I organized someone in the office a birthday party, or that's to say just an afternoon tea in the office with some cake and candles. This was kinda an accident cos his girlfriend asked me to pick up a cake for him that she'd ordered, and take it to the office and make a party out of it and we decided to surprise him. Anyway so people enjoyed this and so I found out who had the next birthday and sent an email around to delegate tasks such as getting cake, getting candles, bringing cups, juice, etc which everyone was happy to do. This "birthday club" in the office has been running for a while and guess what, people look up to me as a social leader.

Now I have to say this doesn't really win me much cos the people in my office are a pretty boring lot... but all the same it's an example how you can go about stuff. For example you like hiking... so join the hiking club at uni... volunteer for the committee... organize some sick arse hikes... pretty soon the committee membership will turn over (people graduate, etc)... and you'll be the leader of the hiking club. Well, reading between the lines I gather you don't really want to do this. Because it's a lot of effort and it has to be sustained over a long period. But maybe leadership isn't your style? Why beat yourself up?

Anyway, I suppose the take-home is to look at leadership from a value-giving perspective. E.g. once I had a group project of 4 people... I was 3rd year... there were 2 5th years in our group of 4... and they happened to be friends with the tutor who was also a 5th year and would be helping us with the project and marking it at the end... so they (particularly one of them [W] who was naturally friendly and outgoing) were in a position to lead and add value. We got a great mark and I did only my assigned tasks and I was happy. In another project the other 3 ppl were a bit hopeless and didn't speak English well either... so naturally I fell into a leadership role. I helped them to understand the specification and the relevant lecture notes... I assigned tasks to people... what I WOULD NOT DO was do those tasks for them... and this is key to leadership too. Actually, we only got a C but it was a fun and satisfying experience (my own part was worthy of an A of course).

cheers, Ray

 

[Drck]

There are different types of leaders and leaderships.

If you are an average guy with average energy and average intelligence, it will be quite difficult to become a leader. You might get that title and people will have to follow you because you got to your position somehow, but really, who are we kidding?

You can try to micromanage other people/guys, tell them what to do and how, most of them won't like you. Probably no one, but those kind of leaders can be quite successful because they can be quite efficient and productive. They care about production and they don't give a damn about people. You'll have a lot of respect though, people will admire you or fear you because of power, and most likely you will remain in power because you show quite performance.

You can also be kind of laid back leader, kind of nice guy who doesn't push too much but is rather supportive of people. You can bring people together and work on a solution together, once people get used to it they will like it. Most people may like you, but you won't get respected easily. To correct that, you should always present yourself as a professional, you should show high IQ and excellent communication skills, and you should have firm rules. You can't show weakness or silliness, otherwise people will disrespect you and you will have hard time getting rebuilding it. If you have a good/above average education, firm rules but pleasant attitude, most people won't mind to accept you as a good leader. People will admire you for intelligence and positive attitude towards others.

You can be highly energized, active and independent leader who DOES things without waiting for others to follow you or to agree with you. IMO this is the best way to lead. You are always active, always present plans of action, always try to improve, always encourage others, always do more than other people, always positive. You lead by example, you do things you expect from others by yourself. You'll always have respect, people will always like you, and they will always want to have energy like you. Unfortunately it is quite difficult to become such leader if you don't have that kind of personality, that kind of radiant energy.

Or you can lie yourself through, have no spine, just show a lot of enthusiasm and empty booming energy, show some great idea and say some witty words, show good body expression and learn how to speak with dominant voice. You will become quite popular, and very fast. At least at first, because you do have the good radiant energy. You can lead from behind, meaning you really have no spine and no idea what you are doing, you always wait for others to do something first or to decide something. That way you don't really have to do it yourself. Although you can become quite successful if you are intelligent, you'll get disrespected very soon because people will start seeing right through you, and they will recognize the fake in you. You are really no leader at all, you only learn to LOOK like one. You are an excellent actor who can act like a great leader, you worked really hard on self improvement for many years, but in reality you are not a leader. You are just confusing everybody with your indecisiveness, cover ups, no plans and no actions, claiming one thing while doing another. People don't want to be confused, they want to be crystal clear, they want to know exactly what you think and what you stand for. It is just difficult to lead if you can't pre-think things clearly ahead, if you can't make up your mind, and if you don't really stand for anything except some idiology. Do not fake to be a leader, and do not fake to be a good seducer either...


But the true question is, why would you need such a headache to be a leader? You can get laid quite easily without being one, it is just a waste of energy...

 

[Drck]

In my opinion, outside the politics and/or business (and of course gangs and so on), you can only lead weak men (guys). Truly strong men don't really seek any leadership, they walk their own way and they seek independence.

 

[alleniverson]

I appreciate all the responses. I've been thinking about this some more and I believe that in order to be more of a leader and more popular within my fraternity I must 1) provide more value and 2) be more likable. I feel as if I need to be more charismatic, fun and provide better vibes. The question is how do i do this while employing the law of least effort/being cool/being dominant/alpha? I've been studying the college game more and realize that employing the bmoc strategy might be too much since I'm a pledge and don't have that much respect from my fraternity yet, and the slow burn may be a little too reserved and calm since I'm trying to meet more women for sexual reasons as well as social connections so I can be invited on sorority events and other social functions.

All thoughts are appreciated. The comments so far are helping me think about this more clearly.