Being strongly dispassionate about the majority of girls I meet is a bad thing?

[Big Daddy]

Hey Gents,

Today happened something interesting that kept me wondering if being dispassionate about a large slice of woman I meet is a good thing or not. Knowing that I don't care about people as much as I care about myself, I tried to do things a little bit differently to see what results I'd get from it.

In an afternoon, I started texting a girl by asking how her day was all with good intentions (she said the other day that I don't seem to care about her that much, so I thought it was a good call to text out of the blue asking how her day was before I got slotted in auto-rejection). She said she was TIRED, I asked why she was SO tired, and she said that she wouldn't have classes that afternoon, so she and a couple of friends had gone to a bar, but it was closed. Then another one, and it was closed. Then another one, and it was closed.

These bar were quite far from each other, so I assumed they took a bus or a taxi (she said they had "gone" to a bar). She was supposed to have class all the afternoon that day, instead she had gone to a bar and naturally, I made a little joke about it. And then she replied, "Well, I just walked x blocks, so I'm TIRED. It's just different from yours."

I kept thinking after this cold response that maybe I shouldn't had assumed anything, and just asked her. But then again, when something is VERY "assumable", you don't ask for clarification. If a girls says to you she likes blue, you would just assume she liked all shades of blue, not just the dark ones (even though she meant just the dark ones). The bars were far away from each other and she had "gone" to all of them.

But I also thought that girls like these pisses me off. I'm not attracted to girls that takes every little detail as if they mattered the most and are very sensitive in general. I'm after the independent, "nevermindish" ones.

But in reality I know most of the girls are sensitive, and maybe thinking like that is a little bit of victim mentality that will destroy my progress. I'm not too caring of people that I wouldn't really, really want to know about their life. And I know if a specific girls fits that category within 5 minutes of talking. I also know that there aren't a lot of girls that can be slotted in that category.

So, in short, what do you guys think? Forcing interest in girls (or people, really) that you don't are genuinely interested, even if that means 95% of people you could possibly meet, is good or a bad call? I'd like to know what you think specifically in building the skills necessary to get got with women.

 

[Franco]

Re: Being strongly dispassionate about the majority of girls I meet is a bad thi

BD,

So, in short, what do you guys think? Forcing interest in girls (or people, really) that you don't are genuinely interested, even if that means 95% of people you could possibly meet, is good or a bad call? I'd like to know what you think specifically in building the skills necessary to get got with women.

I wanted to point out the last sentence because I think it's significant. When building your skills with women, I think it's of the utmost importance that you remain as non-judgmental as possible and try to take every "weakness" you perceive from a girl in stride -- don't let it bother you and just try to keep your cool when you feel that sense of "irritation" start to creep up on you. As soon as it does, "trap" it in your head and say, "hey, I'm just here to learn as much about women as I possibly can. If I turn away every single girl who annoys me with the slightest thing, then I won't be able to learn anything."

Sometimes a girl genuinely could be having a bad day, and she's just looking for someone who understands that that may be the case. You don't have to be her shoulder to cry on (and you definitely don't want to be), but you can wish her well and let her know that you hope her day gets better. When it comes to building your skills with women, I think it can be crucial to push things forward with women you know you don't get along with just so that you can build up your experience when it comes to defusing awkward or otherwise "dramatic" situations. You can even take it as a challenge: this girl is obviously not my type, but I wonder if I can still keep a level head and take her as my lover tonight...

You'll often find that a lot of women drop their guards and bad attitude when they are taken to bed by a genuine man. Either way, you'll learn how to deal with all types of women in the process, and this can be an invaluable tool for both pre-selection and overall social awareness.

- Franco

 

[Big Daddy]

Re: Being strongly dispassionate about the majority of girls I meet is a bad thi

When building your skills with women, I think it's of the utmost importance that you remain as non-judgmental as possible and try to take every "weakness" you perceive from a girl in stride -- don't let it bother you and just try to keep your cool when you feel that sense of "irritation" start to creep up on you. As soon as it does, "trap" it in your head and say, "hey, I'm just here to learn as much about women as I possibly can. If I turn away every single girl who annoys me with the slightest thing, then I won't be able to learn anything."

This is word-for-word what I thought it might be good to get over with. On the long term, even if I don't end up with that girl, it is still good for building up skills to every kind of woman you can possibly meet.

When it comes to building your skills with women, I think it can be crucial to push things forward with women you know you don't get along with just so that you can build up your experience when it comes to defusing awkward or otherwise "dramatic" situations. You can even take it as a challenge: this girl is obviously not my type, but I wonder if I can still keep a level head and take her as my lover tonight...

Cool! That's is what going to be my mindset from now on, regarding girls that are not my type. Personal opinion (yours and every one else who may want to share, too): for the fastest learning curve one can have, is better to focus on girls that are your type or girls that aren't your type?

 

[Franco]

Re: Being strongly dispassionate about the majority of girls I meet is a bad thi

BD,

Personal opinion (yours and every one else who may want to share, too): for the fastest learning curve one can have, is better to focus on girls that are your type or girls that aren't your type?

When you're just trying to get better with women and learn as fast as possible, it's best to focus on women that are willing to sleep with you.

Type didn't really play a role when I was learning to get good with women. She just had to be hot, and she had to be willing to move things forward with me. As a matter of a fact, it's best to just continue this cycle until you inadvertently (or maybe knowingly) bed a woman who is your type. By that time, you'll have such good momentum that you're a lot less likely to mess things up since you've been taking all types of women to bed with you. You'll be on a hot streak.

So focus on bedding women and bedding LOTS of them. That's what will really improve your abilities.

- Franco

 

[Big Daddy]

Re: Being strongly dispassionate about the majority of girls I meet is a bad thi

Thanks a lot Franco! I got so much to do and couldn't post for a while.

I have something interesting to say about this that I forgot to mention earlier. I'm a picky person in general, and woman are no exception. But after I started reading GC, I lowered the bar with woman to be able to learn more and faster and my mentality towards woman changed to something more like "let's see if I like this girl."

That's cool, I think, but (as stated above) the majority of woman I meet don't actually pass the "test". I'll ignore this from now on until I got to near-advanced level with woman, but I wonder if such girl exists. Things are not as robotic as this may sound, but for simplicity's sake, here is a real example: I met a girl who meets 85% of the specs of what I consider the "ideal girl", the closer to 100% I got until now. (This isn't about platonic love or anything like that. It's just a girl that would be eligible to something more than a couple of dates and sex.) The last 15% still pisses me the hell off regardless of that.

Assuming that an "ideal girl" doesn't exist, I thought I'd be safer and it would be better if I started to deal with "specs not met" from now on. I think this might be similar with the feeling that perfect 10s get when they don't meet the man of their dreams, even though they're princesses.

But I really don't know if that's the best option. Perhaps communicating to a girl you'd prefer girls that do ABC and don't do XYZ might give me some results? Have you experienced something like this? Maybe some experience will clear things out for me.

To tell you the truth, that a problem I run a lot into. Let's say a girl you're talking to has habits ABC that annoys you, or keep talking about something you don't like, how do you make clear, in a smooth way, that if she wants you, she might as well stop doing these, because that's not what you're looking for in a girl? How do you communicate that you don't like something a girl does? I reckon most of this is done non-verbally, but how do you actually say it to a girl?

[I realize a girl won't change herself for you, just as you won't change yourself as a whole for a girl. But still, I think that if most experienced guys look back at their inexperienced days, they'll see some pretty notable differences. She may as well abandon annoying habits if she wants you that much.]

 

[Franco]

Re: Being strongly dispassionate about the majority of girls I meet is a bad thi

BD,

Let's say a girl you're talking to has habits ABC that annoys you, or keep talking about something you don't like, how do you make clear, in a smooth way, that if she wants you, she might as well stop doing these, because that's not what you're looking for in a girl? How do you communicate that you don't like something a girl does? I reckon most of this is done non-verbally, but how do you actually say it to a girl?

It probably really depends on what it is. And it also depends on what point in the relationship you are at and how much "power" you maintain in that relationship (-- are you the "one-up" or the "one-down"?)

Before you bed a girl, I'd say you have to be pretty non-judgmental with just about anything she does. She has no emotional anchors to you, so outwardly being displeased or annoyed by anything she does is only going to make her feel less connected and attracted to you. You can use the "bored" look if she's talking about things that don't interest you, although I'll admittedly say that I'm not a fan of using that technique all that much. It does work, however, and especially with girls who are very attracted to you.

As far as what you can do after bedding a girl depends on the relationship between you two. There are certain things you may be able to get her to stop doing while other things will be nearly impossible. For example, if don't like when women smoke or gain weight easily, it's going to be extremely difficult to suddenly have her stop smoking or work out to the point where those two things never happen again. You'll likely be fighting a losing battle. However, if there are just certain topics that she talks about that disinterest you (perhaps politics or religion are two things you don't care to discuss), then you can at first give her the bored look to see if she picks up on it. If she doesn't, you can just politely tell her that that topic doesn't interest you all that much, and you don't really like to spend time discussing it. She might get upset at first, but just keeping your cool and not reacting to her reactions is the way to go about it. If you execute correctly and are still giving her amazing sex, she'll likely overlook the issue and not bring it up again as to not upset you.

You're going to have to judge which nuances about a girl that you don't like are manageable and which ones are not manageable. While it might be much easier to get her to not discuss a topic with you that bores you, it will be much more difficult to get her to change a bad habit such as smoking or gaining weight. Your best bet, for now, is to try to bed women for the sake of learning and then see what you can get away with by experimenting afterwards. With these types of things, I find it's best to be direct and forward early into the relationship (but after bedding her) rather than later. You might even find that a girl who has one thing that you noticed that is annoying about her suddenly disappear behind ten more things you really appreciate about her once you've slept together. So don't be too picky before that happens.

- Franco