- Joined
- Apr 24, 2018
- Messages
- 1
Backstory:
Girl and I have been dating for 3.5 years. Most of it I'd describe as serious, but casual. We've taken tons of trips together, both far away and close, and I'm very close with her family and she with mine. Other than a couple of short conversations or a few single remarks neither one of us was talking about long-term or marriage prospects. About 6 months ago I decided to start getting serious about things, start building more comfort (by default I'm an uncaring asshole), and seeing where things go. I was sub-communicating this to her and after a month or two I could sense she was starting to pull away. I doubled down and definitely went a little too far into Beta territory in the process, but I would course correct when I realized it. About a month to month and a half ago she said she didn't want to keep doing it. She said she knew I wasn't "The One" and she was getting older and needed to start looking for someone to have kids with. Her sister (37) just had her first baby and it was rough. All of her friends are getting married, too.
Compounding this: About two years into our relationship she became a traveling nurse, so it's a semi Long-Distance relationship. Up until this current contact (started early November 2017) she was close enough and her schedule was good enough that we got to see each other at least every other week. We even spent the entire summer together in a different state last year. I've helped her move for every contract she's had, we've had great times road tripping and getting her setup in new places. I was able to demonstrate leadership by making sure she had everything she needed in her new temporary places, etc. This contract has been rough, we see each other at best once a month and it's only for a few days at a time. Several of the latest trips I've been sick and definitely not at the top of my game.
Recently:
We've barely spoken the last four weeks, except for 3-4 very deep, very emotional, long phone calls and an occasional friendly text convo. I definitely failed to stay strong at the beginning and let her go. I held on and held on. Last night we finally had a mostly unemotional talk and really dug down into things.
I asked her what it was that was missing and she doesn't know. She said it would be so easy if she knew because we could fix it. She was crying while saying this. This girl isn't over me and she still loves me deeply, but she's forcing herself to stop because "The One"-itis or whatever. There's a small, very minuscule chance she's going to see how the summer goes together (we had all these plans for spending the entire summer together) but that's such a small window of opportunity to turn things around and I don't want to screw it up.
Help:
How do I figure out what's missing? As the leader it should be me who finds it and fixes it and I'm willing to put in the effort to do so. If it turns out it's something I can't provide, then at least I have closure and we can both move on and maybe be friends. Right now there's too much raw emotion and anger (on my end) for that to happen.
I'm committed to fixing this thing, so if you think I should just drop her and let her go please give some real reasons and not just "there's many fish in the sea" type crap.
Girl and I have been dating for 3.5 years. Most of it I'd describe as serious, but casual. We've taken tons of trips together, both far away and close, and I'm very close with her family and she with mine. Other than a couple of short conversations or a few single remarks neither one of us was talking about long-term or marriage prospects. About 6 months ago I decided to start getting serious about things, start building more comfort (by default I'm an uncaring asshole), and seeing where things go. I was sub-communicating this to her and after a month or two I could sense she was starting to pull away. I doubled down and definitely went a little too far into Beta territory in the process, but I would course correct when I realized it. About a month to month and a half ago she said she didn't want to keep doing it. She said she knew I wasn't "The One" and she was getting older and needed to start looking for someone to have kids with. Her sister (37) just had her first baby and it was rough. All of her friends are getting married, too.
Compounding this: About two years into our relationship she became a traveling nurse, so it's a semi Long-Distance relationship. Up until this current contact (started early November 2017) she was close enough and her schedule was good enough that we got to see each other at least every other week. We even spent the entire summer together in a different state last year. I've helped her move for every contract she's had, we've had great times road tripping and getting her setup in new places. I was able to demonstrate leadership by making sure she had everything she needed in her new temporary places, etc. This contract has been rough, we see each other at best once a month and it's only for a few days at a time. Several of the latest trips I've been sick and definitely not at the top of my game.
Recently:
We've barely spoken the last four weeks, except for 3-4 very deep, very emotional, long phone calls and an occasional friendly text convo. I definitely failed to stay strong at the beginning and let her go. I held on and held on. Last night we finally had a mostly unemotional talk and really dug down into things.
I asked her what it was that was missing and she doesn't know. She said it would be so easy if she knew because we could fix it. She was crying while saying this. This girl isn't over me and she still loves me deeply, but she's forcing herself to stop because "The One"-itis or whatever. There's a small, very minuscule chance she's going to see how the summer goes together (we had all these plans for spending the entire summer together) but that's such a small window of opportunity to turn things around and I don't want to screw it up.
Help:
How do I figure out what's missing? As the leader it should be me who finds it and fixes it and I'm willing to put in the effort to do so. If it turns out it's something I can't provide, then at least I have closure and we can both move on and maybe be friends. Right now there's too much raw emotion and anger (on my end) for that to happen.
I'm committed to fixing this thing, so if you think I should just drop her and let her go please give some real reasons and not just "there's many fish in the sea" type crap.