Being told what to do in social situations

[NiceGuy110]

I'm talking about being asked requests by people who aren't necessarily in charge. Something like "go get John there". Nobody likes to be observed, for the first time, as the person being told what to do. How do you handle these situations?

If you're put on the spot like this, and given an order in front of others, it might actually seem like a fair request though. But you mightn't have time to question whether it's a fair ask, as you have to make your decision there and then... whether you want to say "get it yourself" or whether you follow the request. In such situations I'd often actually make a point of doing it myself rather than asking someone else and possibly showing them up.

But what you don't want to do is say 'no' and look like you're trying to prove some pointless point. Often it mightn't be until you're actually carrying out the task that you might realise "why on earth did she she ask me that anyway?" or think "it would actually have made more sense for her to get it".

Recently after a funeral back at the house my bossy cousin tried something like this on me. We had run out of milk and she asked if I'd go into town for some more. My initial response was "yes". But then I said "hang on now, they might have milk next door, (in the uncle's house) go get that", and I sort of gave her an order of my own. She seemed a little pissed that I was quick on my feet, so I do have to wonder to people get a sense of power out of bossing others around.

Another time I was given an order by a work colleague, but I was told, (not asked). I quoted her line back at herself and then asked "where's your manners?", and only then did I carry out the request. So it sort of backfired on her.

 

[DarkKnight]

I think you handled it well with your cousin, because sometimes these types tend to get you off guards since indeed they can be a little too busy with silly status games. With your colleague if you received an order and that person is not a superior I would have politely refused. Honestly I do not feel like groveling and accepting weird dynamics from others, because in the long run you will feel weak, because in a way you are losing and submitting to others. You do not have to compromise despite how indignant others behave about you not submitting. You don't owe them anything, just as they do not owe you basic politeness. Apparently.

 

[Fuck This]

This is a tough thing for me since I have some work colleagues who like to do this to me. Mainly because I've set up my processes well in advance so they run smoothly and I'm not tied down to making every step of the process progress forward. Often it is tough when they have created their own bottleneck and ask me to fix it because "they are too busy"...

In that case I usually like to anticipate the need and offer to fix the problem before they ask. then use that time to explain how it could have been avoided.

I also anticipate when something like that is going to happen and have my role already in my mind. "I'm going to put out the lunch entrees here now and get people started eating, is there someone else who can run next door? I think Louie is free..."

Or I offer a trade of favors. "Yeah I can do that if you will set out lunch."

Or have a PRIOR discussion about what needs done, listing all the roles and who is already doing what. This shows you are aware of everyone's contribution which is as important as your own. Trying to do that in an "emergency request " will backfire though.