Big Daddy's Road to Mastery

[Big Daddy]

Hey gents,

I've been wanting to put up a journal in a long time. I have nothing to say for now, just that I felt the urge to write something to commit myself to updating this shit regularly. I've been relentlessly scuttling the ships on every possible area of my life recently in order to force myself to bust my ass off working towards a goal, and this journal is one of them. Maybe I'll give a brief introduction about myself in the future to keep things entertaining for the reader. I want to to this for my tracking purposes and thought that exposing it to others might be beneficial, so I might as well find a medium of my writing style for myself and you guys.

I've got loads of free time ahead and thought it would be nice to focus on some projects that I've been wanting to focus on. But that means that I may become imprisoned in my own head and not leave the house. Heck, it's been a week since I did not leave home for purposes other than working out (in which I barely talk to anyone).

So this is what you can expect from this journal: things that I accomplished and things that I did. I'm not a fan of saying what are your plans to everybody, because research (and my personal experience) tells that you're less like to do these things when you say it to other people. Therefore, the only thing you are going to read from me on this journal that I didn't do yet are commitments.

For example, I'm now committing to go out at least once per week to perform some kind of social interaction. Today I just had to get a copy of a costumer receipt (I lost the original) in a store, but due to a credit card bill inconvenience, I couldn't get it. I brushed it off and came back home because I wasn't in the mood to keep talking to the store manager to get what I wanted, which probably would require me getting upset, raise my voice a little bit, draw too much attention from myself and break some social norms of politeness. I normally wouldn't give up this easily, but not talking to people for long periods of time can be taxing on your general ability to get what you want from life. I'll start to go out with the specific purpose of interacting with people starting tomorrow.

 

[Big Daddy]

In case you're wondering, for your and my disappointment, I did go out, but I didn't talk to any girls. Damn. I want to compress as much social skills one may acquire during the next six months and this ain't gonna cut it. I'll go out every fucking day working my way up to at least a number.

Good thing is that I dressed well to get out (something that I forgot that people did), and finally wore contacts instead of glasses (something that I've been meaning to begin getting used to in a long time).

Tomorrow I'll try again.

 

[Big Daddy]

Did NOT go out today. Frankly, I didn't do much today other than partially resolve some issues regarding some documents and shit. I'll see if I can end this day with the upper hand to try again tomorrow. I'll not let this get me down... my mind is rushing with the thoughts of what I should've done today, but didn't.

Tomorrow I'll put my contacts first thing in the morning and will only take them off once I talk to a girl (it bugs me to no end wearing them all day long).

 

[Big Daddy]

Haha, it's funny reading this shit from almost exactly year ago. Well, straight to the point; I have some confessions to make:

- I didn't go out that much during this entire year. Fear to approach is still my biggest road block. The information that I got here during the and laser focus during the few interactions I had got me a lay every once in a while when I found myself in a situation where I could push for it. Probably would've missed the opportunity if wasn't for GC though.

- It's saddening reading this because I realized that the same reasons that kept me from giving my soul to approaching girls a year ago still exists today (namely, lack of money). It's not that I think girls love money, it's that making money right now is my #1 priority and it sucks focus from all the other areas of my life. I had some plans to make money on the side last year that are just start to happen now, and they're happening way slower than I expected (as always).

- Actually, I wasn't completely honest in the last point. I have a second priority that guarantees that my life doesn't move forward, which is reaching my objectives in the gym. I'm exactly where I was 13 months ago while everyone made all kinds of gainz. I'm running in circles here, though, because I can't afford the food (read last point).

I'm so emotionally invested in these goals that I don't even realize that I'm a loser with women too. I'm often under the impression that I'm slightly better with girls than the typical dude, until I find myself in a situation where the hard and cold truth that no, maybe I'm not that much better, crashes my world. And then I realize that no, I don't have the numbers to back up those claims.

When I stop to think about I realize that a 21 y/o who doesn't bang chicks at least once a month is downright wrong.

I want to sleep with at least 150 girls before I turn 31. That's 15 girls a year, which is an attainable goal -- but for now, I'm too consumed in my journey to money and gains.

I like to think that I'm this really busy guy because I'm focusing on improving some aspects of my life and then I read this shit from a year ago and realize that no, what I'm doing feels like work, but I'm probably putting way less work than I should be doing. And if something, those past 13 months made me realize that this a way, way more gradual process than I anticipated.

And this is the case for money, gym-related stuff, girls, everything.

And since I'm probably wasting more time reading and ruminating shit than I should be doing something, I thought I'd at least get rid of this approach anxiety shit once for all. Do the drill, get back home, done for the day.

I don't have words to describe how much I don't want do this. How much I don't want to post this, because I don't want to make a commitment to all of you.

But this will be my objective for the following weeks and I'll be documenting it all here. I know we have a newbie assignment here, but I find it to be very short and not that much gradual, so I'll be following a program that is a couple of months long instead.

I'd rather back down, realize this is a problem, swallow my ego and progress slowly even if it's something that a lot of guys get rid rather effortlessly here than keep get ting back here and realize that my ego prevented me from progressing. I'll keep you posted.