- Joined
- Sep 13, 2021
- Messages
- 343
@Chase what can you say about BPD traits in guys?@Skills,
Oh okay. Well I can tell you... I've had a bunch of Asian playboy friends, thanks to living in California + spending a bunch of time in Asia. They can be a bit more feminine than other dudes. But there is still a difference between regular Asians / playboy Asians and gay Asians (this guy is in the latter camp if you ask me).
I've tried everything I can think of to outsource the emotional management of relationships, short of bringing in another dude, lol... the thing is, if you are the guy she is most into, there is only so much of the emotional labor you can outsource. She will do couples stuff with the beta dude, but you are still going to get drama from her if she views you as really "the main guy." And if the other guy is going to become her "main guy", then why would you marry her? Why not let her marry him, and you're just the side-dick? Then if (when) it all goes tits up you can easily leave. Not so with a marriage contract.
The other suspicion I have here is that this dude is BPD... it's pretty common to find skilled playboys who are BPD. The thing for them is always fear of abandonment. The guys I have known like this are really good at keeping girls around by hook or by crook, and always finding ways to rope them into them. BPD guys are across the board bisexual, IME, too. So "Okay, you date him, and have kids with him. But you marry me, okay?" is the kind of strategy you might expect to see from a BPD playboy who is trying to lock the girl in by giving her what she says she wants, that he doesn't want to do himself, while trying to minimize the risk of abandonment.
Bonus points that he gets to also lock in a guy he has attached to, because the guy is devoted to the girl (and any kids he has with her down the line) but the BPD guy still controls her emotionally and ultimately has the "Look dude, I know you love her, but don't forget, she is married to ME" leverage card to pull out if the other dude starts trying to push him out. So that way neither guy nor gal can easily leave or easily push the BPD playboy out of the throuple.
Chase
I did some research on my own, but it seems like I can t still put my finger on it. Recognize some of them in myself, hence why I can usually give girls a lot of emotions and get them to do stuff on my own way due to impulsiveness but clearly have some drawbacks. Can be cured?
Also, this can be moved to a separate topic, in order to not derail.