Bounded Journal

[Bounded]

This will be a journal for deliberate practice.

Been having issues lately with texting - girls are flaking mid-texting, and I'm pretty sure it's auto-rejection from late response times (usually my texts are just hours off) and sometimes from not responding at all.

Example:

1st girl

Me: Glad to have met you - Bounded
Her: Hey Bounded, same to you i was actually feeling a bit dizzy and sick so might have been a bit out of it
(next day)
Me: [Girl], hey! Thinking we ought to grab those drinks this week. How's your sched lookin?
-no response-

and

2nd girl

Me: Glad to have met you - Bounded
Her: I totally forgot to ask your name same though.
(next day)
Me: Hey Hannah! Thinking we ought to grab those drinks this weekend. How's your sched looking?
-no response-

The whole getting into a text message conversation with a girl during the icebreaker has always been something I avoided, I guess because I thought continuing to text her would get me friend-zoned or I'd lose the intrigue. But yeah, that doesn't sound so rational, now. Will probably change strategy to texting girls at the same time intervals their texting me, and then send a short-but-sweet message to those who respond well to my icebreaker (like a "lol " or something) as a means of reward.

Also, going straight to asking for the date the next day seems socially uncalibrated and slightly "off". Think I'm going to field-test having small conversation with the girl before bringing up the date again...which I haven't been doing because it seems so inefficient, and I feel like I'm going to lose them in the process. Oh well, I know Franco and NJ has suggested it, so it must have some validity.

Many other small things to chronicle and improve upon even beyond the texting, but so far the lessons for takeaway are:

- Text at similar time intervals as she
- Respond with something warm-but-short if they have an investment-heavy reaction to the icebreaker
- Start off with small conversation before asking for the date on the second day

-Bounded

 

[Bounded]

Today's been interesting so far.

I have a new goal: only approach the girls that seem really cute. That's because these girls have never felt attainable, so I never approached them before - but the only way that they CAN feel attainable is if I approach them - so this is me breaking the cycle.

Anyways, saw this cute girl this morning - couldn't decide if she was with her mom or how old she was. Thought my approach would be easy as cake, but I approached and she seemed just a bit older (maybe 21 instead of 16) - and it threw me off. My heart beated faster, lost a little bit of projection on my voice, and stumbled. Her, sensing that anxiety, must've been a red flag because she just threw me down a solid rejection.

Walked away embaressed, but was laughing at the same time. Felt nostalgic about this embarrassment because I haven't felt it since my first grind. It brought back good memories.

Lesson from this approach: don't show any signs of anxiety. Its tricky, because if I just go approach 20 girls, I'll feel like I'll lose both the anxiety AND the interest I have with girls. But maybe it'll be different this time because I'm only approaching the really cute girls so I still won't lose interest. Think I'll give that a go this weekend.

Second girl was easy - passing by a facial marketing table at a mall, and just started chatting about how quiet it was there. But for some reason, I was still feeling a bit awkward. We ended up connecting quite well - she's an exchange student from China, and that's my specialty in the sales job I have. I speak a few sentences in Mandarin, and I commented on how beautiful the culture is and how I want to move to Shanghai someday. I think this made me feel attainable to her, because she was showing me quite some interest. She ain't really the type of girl I'm targeting right now, but she's cute, and I wouldn't mind having sex with her. So I grab her number.

Lessons from that approach: I could go on to specialize with this niche of girl, but nah. Asian girls love it when you show an interest in their culture and language as compared to their European or even South American counterparts - even when they seem cold or combative in the beginning.

-Bounded

 

[PrettyDecent]

Keep up the rockin' work, bro

~Nick

 

[Bounded]

PrettyDecent, thanks man. Glad to see you taking a gander round these parts!

I decided today to keep myself accountable with this journal by posting 30 consecutive days of the "Technician" assignments. It'll be tough, so I'll need the accountability of this journal to keep me going. But without deliberate practice, there is no improvement.

Be wishing me luck, fellas.

-Bounded

 

[Bounded]

Alright, let's do it. I really want to extract as much information and learning as possible within each day -

Day 1: "While the Iron's Hot"

- Girl 1: This girl gave me resistance when I was about to pull her to my house - I psyched myself out with her looks. My first mistake was not taking the first escalation window, second mistake was not going for the hard-push at the end of the interaction. I was slacking off here, big time.

-Girl 2: She was in the bedroom with me, but would not let me kiss her. And apart from taking a break, building more comfort and trying again, I didn't use any strategy. She said she needed to leave and at some point just got up and left. I moved faster with this one than Girl 1, but should have tried a different strategy that may have required me to be creative rather than cognitively slack off.

Girl 3: This girl was actually kissing and making out with me, but I wasn't quick enough in moving the escalation forward, and brought her to think more logically (perhaps move into auto-rejection?). Don't think I was lazy by trying a new strategy, but note to self to not move so slowly during the escalation if the girl is getting into it. Always be moving the interaction forward!!

Girl 4: I'm not entirely sure it was possible to bring this girl to my house - she seemed pretty adamant about listening to her friends advice NOT to go with me to my house. But, actually, that's stupid thinking from me - I hadn't tried to really problem-solve a creative solution in the moment - I should've worked harder to bring her to my place.

Those are about all the girls I can think of that I've "had but lost" in my short-term, recent memory.

The recurring theme here seems to be a lack of giving creative solutions (that are temporarily exhausting, cognitively) because I'm giving myself the excuse to:

A. Go for it "next time" when I'm not in such a chasing position
B. Think I have other options, so I shouldn't spend too much mental energy on this particular girl

Both come from a place of stupid, egotistical pride that needs to be overcome starting with my very next interaction. If you like her, try to make it happen.

Lesson of the day: maintain your resolve to close the girl, even if it's exhausting, mentally.

-Bounded

 

[Bounded]

Day 2: "Turn Up the Heat"

Situation 1: During LMR with a gal recently who wanted to leave and go out to eat instead, I complied by not being too adamant about staying at the house. Overall, too compliance given.

Situation 2: Out with a girl a couple of weeks ago who would let the conversation drift off in silence, and I would ALWAYS fill the silence - still not too sure how to handle that...just let there be silence till she speaks? Also spent way too much time not moving the interaction forward...

Situation 3: Was making way too many sexual jokes during a different girl having LMR, killing some of the sexual tension and my role as a leader in the interaction.

Also, in general, I'm trying to force a connection if I've been shut out my LMR, where instead, I ought to leave the onus on her to rebuild the connection.

Damn, there's so much good, applicable info in these articles - I ought to put this shit into practice faster, and start approaching more girls while reading to reinforce concepts.

Till tomorrow!

~Nick