Hey everyone! I'm new around here so I'd thought I'd hit the ground running. Here's the situation:
So we were dating for 2 years (give or take a few months). We broke up before when she went to college. Didn't bother her and gave her space, only texted her when she texted me back and didn't make it a priority. Other than bothering her, we had a talk about starting over and trying to re-enact the wooing period to try to bring the attraction back, which changed big time when we got back together at the end of that week and spent the night together. She said she was there for the long run and she wasn't going to leave again.
We were slightly attentive when she was in college. I would know she's busy so i wouldn't text her or call because she was at the library. She would call me occasionally and I would call too to say good night. We slipped up a few times with keeping lines of communication open but we were together and understood we were busy. So when her first year in college ended, she went to an internship in AZ. We rarely talked that much because internet sucked there and reception was terrible, but she reassured me she was okay and she missed me. With how serious we were, she even said she wanted to marry me (we had been talking about it for a while, but I wasn't financially stable yet). When I came to visit, she was fairly distant. What could have been a week of crazy sex turned into her being "tired all the time". We rarely kissed or cuddled and she would just pat me on the back. It was obvious that things were off and something changed. Knowing her, she would tell me about it and she did for the most part. She said she was having a huge shift in her life with what she really wants to do in life and even though she was going to be super busy and be kinda selfish in her ambitions, she didn't want to break up and that she wanted to make it work. I wanted to too so it wasn't a big deal at the time.
When I came back, she rarely talked to me and when she arrived back home, she told me that she needed to talk to me before the night at the hotel, which was for her setting up something for my birthday. I asked if it was planning for the long distance or a breakup or whatever. She dodged the subject completely. When she came over this past Saturday, she said she didn't want to be my girlfriend anymore. She said when I showed up in AZ to visit, she said that she missed a lot less than she thought she would, and she didn't feel the same way anymore. Even if we continued, she said it would feel forced and it wouldn't be fair to either of us. She said it almost blew her away how quickly her outlook on everything shifted, from thinking about marriage to just wanting to be a 19 year old carefree girl in college. I wanted to fight this whole breakup, but I had no idea what to do. After all the hardships we went through together, we still were very close and to me it still felt that way. After almost two years of us and realizing her mistake the first time we broke up, I thought she would understand how rare it is to be as close as we were then. She was breaking up because of the easiest obstacles of a relationship and that cut me deep.
She cried. About as much as she does when she is upset as she is a very emotional person. She gave me the money for the hotel room, my tshirt, my hoodie and then I hugged her and told her even though I hate was she did, I do love her very much. Then I left. No second glance or anything. I sat down and meditated about it, thought about the pros and cons and simply put, idk how to approach her. What to say. How to talk to her. I do miss her but...I don't want her to feel trapped or forced, but I do think that if we tried something different to spice up the relationship again, things would be back to normal.
Any thoughts on this?
NOTE: I did just get a really good job in another state, distance is a factor but we were long distance when she was in college. We know how to tackle that. I am now financially stable and I have no more college loans now. Basically, she is leaving right when things between us are about to be really good.
So we were dating for 2 years (give or take a few months). We broke up before when she went to college. Didn't bother her and gave her space, only texted her when she texted me back and didn't make it a priority. Other than bothering her, we had a talk about starting over and trying to re-enact the wooing period to try to bring the attraction back, which changed big time when we got back together at the end of that week and spent the night together. She said she was there for the long run and she wasn't going to leave again.
We were slightly attentive when she was in college. I would know she's busy so i wouldn't text her or call because she was at the library. She would call me occasionally and I would call too to say good night. We slipped up a few times with keeping lines of communication open but we were together and understood we were busy. So when her first year in college ended, she went to an internship in AZ. We rarely talked that much because internet sucked there and reception was terrible, but she reassured me she was okay and she missed me. With how serious we were, she even said she wanted to marry me (we had been talking about it for a while, but I wasn't financially stable yet). When I came to visit, she was fairly distant. What could have been a week of crazy sex turned into her being "tired all the time". We rarely kissed or cuddled and she would just pat me on the back. It was obvious that things were off and something changed. Knowing her, she would tell me about it and she did for the most part. She said she was having a huge shift in her life with what she really wants to do in life and even though she was going to be super busy and be kinda selfish in her ambitions, she didn't want to break up and that she wanted to make it work. I wanted to too so it wasn't a big deal at the time.
When I came back, she rarely talked to me and when she arrived back home, she told me that she needed to talk to me before the night at the hotel, which was for her setting up something for my birthday. I asked if it was planning for the long distance or a breakup or whatever. She dodged the subject completely. When she came over this past Saturday, she said she didn't want to be my girlfriend anymore. She said when I showed up in AZ to visit, she said that she missed a lot less than she thought she would, and she didn't feel the same way anymore. Even if we continued, she said it would feel forced and it wouldn't be fair to either of us. She said it almost blew her away how quickly her outlook on everything shifted, from thinking about marriage to just wanting to be a 19 year old carefree girl in college. I wanted to fight this whole breakup, but I had no idea what to do. After all the hardships we went through together, we still were very close and to me it still felt that way. After almost two years of us and realizing her mistake the first time we broke up, I thought she would understand how rare it is to be as close as we were then. She was breaking up because of the easiest obstacles of a relationship and that cut me deep.
She cried. About as much as she does when she is upset as she is a very emotional person. She gave me the money for the hotel room, my tshirt, my hoodie and then I hugged her and told her even though I hate was she did, I do love her very much. Then I left. No second glance or anything. I sat down and meditated about it, thought about the pros and cons and simply put, idk how to approach her. What to say. How to talk to her. I do miss her but...I don't want her to feel trapped or forced, but I do think that if we tried something different to spice up the relationship again, things would be back to normal.
Any thoughts on this?
NOTE: I did just get a really good job in another state, distance is a factor but we were long distance when she was in college. We know how to tackle that. I am now financially stable and I have no more college loans now. Basically, she is leaving right when things between us are about to be really good.
