FR Breakdown of encounter in supermarket

[Beam]

This is probably the first daygame approach I've made so far where the girl was actually single (well, seeing someone, but still), so I managed to break some new ground and learn something new. It was pretty awkward but oh well, growing pains.

After entering the supermarket, I noticed a (fake) blonde girl (B), a bit shorter than me with heavy makeup, dressed to the nines in a tight black dress in the milk isle. When going there to grab milk she left, but I saw her again in the next isle and decided to approach (there was no one else around)

M: Excuse me

She turned around, with slightly raised eyebrows and a knowing look but not smiling, as if she knew what was about to happen. This started to make me a little nervous - I've seen that look before - I've never had much luck with girls who look like this.

M: I know this is quite unusual, but I noticed you in the isle over there and thought you were cute, so I wanted to say hi.

No reaction - it seemed like she was guarded and trying to choose her words very carefully. She did step back from the isle so we were shoulder to shoulder. She also didn't break eye contact with me at all for the entire interaction, even though I looked away a few times. She was probably thinking "what does this guy actually want and what is he going to say", which put her on guard.

I did like her black dress - I could have complimented her on that instead.

B: "Hi" *silence*

I started getting a little more comfortable now and gave a little laugh, and tried thinking of what to say to make her feel more at ease to explain why I was talking to her.

M: "I bet this doesn't happen to you very often"
B: "not...often....*
M: "You know what, I've started getting a bit tired of tinder and so thought hey, I'm going to start talking to people in real life instead. I'm M" *I extended out my hand but she didn't take it and didn't say her name*

This probably wasn't the best use of words. It demonstrated negative pre-selection by making her assume I was having a tough time on tinder and also was me qualifying myself to her by trying to further justify why I was talking to her. It was also way too platonic.

B: "But I'm so tired from work.
M: "What do you mean"
B: "Like, I'm so tired from work.. I look like a mess"
M: "Nah, you look nice. Where do you work"

Cringe, I should have teased her by mock examining her and then joking "oh yeah, you're right, what was I thinking" and half walking away.

B: In the city, close to here. What about...you?
M: In XX, about half an hour from here. This is a nice place.

Dead silence. I couldn't think of what to say to lead this forward because I didn't want to drag this conversation out too much longer - she wasn't enjoying it - and I wanted to escalate to see what would happen but couldn't think of how to do it. She broke the silence after a while with a slow "I should get going" sort of tone.

B: It was....nice....to...meet you

At this point I knew it was over. I suspected she was single but not interested and trying to let me down politely, but I decided to go for the Hail Mary pass just to see what would happen, and it played out just how I thought it would.

At this point I also started to smile nervously which was really cringy - this usually happens when things start going downhill in a conversation but I don't want to look defeated - got to learn how to control this and keep a genuine smile. I figure it'll go away when I learn how to lead the interactions properly and know I did everything I could but she just wasn't interested. In this case I knew the conversation was weak on my part and I could have done better, and that's partly why I started to smile nervously, because I felt a bit guilty for opening and then not giving her a more exciting conversation.

M: You too, are you single?
B: *big pause, she was clearly not interested and trying to avoid answering*
B: I'm....sort of....seeing....someone
M: That's fine, no problem.
B: It was....nice....to...meet you
M: Bye

I didn't approach anyone else because I was just thinking about this interaction the rest of the time I was there and on the way home. This has happened with my last few approaches too. I'm always analyzing them in my head afterwards until I get home and am not focused on anything else happening at all.

If anyone else has any feedback I'd love to hear it!

Moose

 

[zappbrannigan]

It sounds a bit like you startled her and she shut down. I've had this happen a few times too and don't really have a good way to handle that yet.

Did you smile at all when you opened her? From your description it sounds like she was very guarded.

 

[Fuck This]

Yep you kinda came at her all at once. You need to be warmer and more indirect. No woman wants to be ambushed after a long day at work while she is buying tampons and crampy and feeling like eating a gallon of ice cream. (worst case scenario). Point being you don't know her mood and situation so going right for the "hi, you are cute wanna go out ?" doesn't let her get into the frame of mind where she thinks to herself "This guy is nice, oh he's cute too, And he's funny...I wonder if he is single?"

I get a lot of Eye contact when i greet women in the store with a simple "Hello" and a smile. If they return the eye contact and smile, i'll engage them. I've talked about it before...

 

[Beam]

Thanks for the feedback guys. I would not have considered how the way I approached may have set the tone for the rest of the interaction, even though I have read about pre-opening and how important it is on this site. I thought the problems came with what happened afterwards. ZB, I did smile but my nerves were showing. This is why I post these field reports!

FT, "hello" and a smile. Man, it's so simple but you start to overthink things after a while and forget the basics. I'll add this to my repertoire.

 

[OldGuy]

I would suggest not mentioning seeing her in another aisle, which frames you as chasing her, and saying you thought this rarely happened to her suggested she was not attractive enough to get hit on very often. By the way, she does not have a serious boyfriend, or she would have had a quicker reply and not had to think about it.
all women have some guy who shows some interest.