LR Brunette that opened me on Tinder

[Funkus Maximus]

Hi folks!

This post is part of my "8 week recap" in my newbie journal. I am going thru all the dates from online dating of the past 8 weeks to document them, see what I can learn from them, and move on so that I can gain skills in what I aim to be doing more of: day & night game.

People
Me: 5'10" European guy, long brown hair, attractive in the face, skinny, dressed in olive chinos, and black and white floral shirt, plus faux leather jacket, black sneakers.
Her: Brunette, skinny body, plain face.. cannot recall her outfit.

Venues
Where we met: Park in central location with a great view and that is hardly ever crowded
Second spot: Bar nearby that's got a cute terrace.
Pull location: her apartment - was 15 min bus ride from the center of town. Tastefully decorated apartment with kitchen, living room and bedroom.

The Date
Plan: Drink in the park then bar.

I matched with this woman on Tinder.. but I found her quite plain and wasn't excited about organizing a date with her. She messaged me though! So I thought if she's that keen then it's worth a shot.. haven't got laid in a while.

We met up in the park - My original plan was to meet by the subway station and then walk to the park, but there was a miscommunication. So instead I arrive a bit late and she's already reading in the park.

I sit next to her, with my leg touching her, and we start our conversation. I had brought some chips and beers. We got talking about our lives, and I made an effort to focus the attention on her, and maintain strong eye contact throughout, as I have been working on the "magic eyes" only recently.

I find out she is currently on holiday, and starting up work next week. This sounds good for her availability!

Venue change

We eventually walk down to the bar, and found a seat outside. I make sure to sit next to her instead of across from her at the table. I asked for compliance - requested she go in to get us some beers. She did so. We keep talking and I try to keep in mind the need to be playful while continuing to ask about her. She is interested in my career, and looks to be having a fun time. The conversation continues for a while, and I keep escalating touch slowly. At some stage near the end of the night, I even gently stroke her hair.

At one point, she punches my shoulder while making a joke. This is when I knew this was really going somewhere! This hasn't happened to me before, it felt like I was a teen again with that kind of flirting.

The "Pull"
It's getting late, and I say we should get going. We get walking down to the subway station where we were going to meet, and she puts her arm thru my elbow. The way women walk while holding your arm. I see this escalation on her side, so I transition this to me taking her hand. We walk together holding hands and talk a bit more.

As we get to the subway station, SHE asks me if I want to come back to her place! I must have put on a massive grin, because she immediately commented on it "I love how happy you looked when I asked you that!". I said yes and kissed her on the cheek. We took the next bus to her place.

She leant on my the whole bus ride over, I think I must have kissed her on the cheek again sometime during the bus ride. We walked up to her apartment, and she got us some glasses of water. She gave me the quick tour of the flat, then we sat on the couch. We spoke very briefly, and then got busy making out... taking our clothes off in the living room.. then going in the bedroom for the rest!

When I put my hand down to play with her clit, she gasped! "Oh my god! You have been with other women! you found my clit straight away!". I couldn't help but chuckle at that, and I kept going. We had fun! I especially enjoyed the BJ, she had those huge eyes looking up at me the whole time. On her side, she seemed to enjoy the oral sex more than the PIV - I say that because when I taking her from behind..instead of getting really into it, she ended the session by her saying "come cuddle with me". We had sex again in the morning which was also really enjoyable.

After Sex
Later that day she texted me to let me know that she had a wonderful time with me, thought I was a really interesting person but doesn't want to do anything further with me as she had a feeling about us that led her to that conclusion.

I let her know that's fine, and that she should follow her intuition. She seemed pleasantly surprised by my reply in her following text, and offered to meet up sometime for lunch just to not leave things over text.

I did end up meeting her for 30 mins or so on my way to another date. I thought it could be fun to have my first "debrief" after being told she doesn't want more. It was a fun interaction - I didn't gain any information about what was off... guess it's just a feeling she had.

LESSONS/STICKING POINTS
This was some kind of easy mode date where the girl did some KEY escalations that allowed things to happen. I would NOT have gone on the date without her initiative, and I am genuinely unsure if I would have found the guts to invite her back to mine had she not been so keen to get me back to hers.

I still want to celebrate that I:
-- successfully planned out a date with multiple locations leading to the center of town to make things easy afterwards
-- Managed to hold good eye contact
-- Kept SAC in my mind during the date
-- included touching her throughout the interaction
-- made myself seem interesting enough while still keeping the focus on her
-- got some investment from her that I would not have asked for without the SAC model in mind.
-- actually got laid for a change

Sticking point:
-- Taking initiative when it's time to pull. I would have preferred that I suggested we go back to "one of ours", and she offer up her place.
-- I don't know why she didn't see me as a good enough option to consider me as a FWB. Perhaps the sex was not good enough from her standpoint? I'll never know.
...WHAT I DO KNOW is that I MUST keep getting better at sex, a better lover for more types of women, so that I can really be sure I'm solid from that perspective. I hate losing out on a potential FWB because the benefits didn't seem to be getting delivered. Perhaps spending more time on her, trying to find her G or Deep Spot would have made all the difference. I also haven't tried the adapted missionary yet.. something that has to get practiced.

 

[Derek da man]

and offered to meet up sometime for lunch just to not leave things over text.

This was her attempt at trying to leave you not thinking of her as easy or as a slut. Try including some "Frame" set-ups implying that you're not judgemental and that you like girls that are open about the fact that they enjoy sex and that doesn't make them a slut - there are some good examples of typical frames on here

I don't know why she didn't see me as a good enough option to consider me as a FWB. Perhaps the sex was not good enough from her standpoint? I'll never know.

How many orgasms did you give her? Did you make her cum before PIV sex? She probably needs a lot more arousal before PIV or moving to other positions. If you fix this and apply this and set the right frames as above then she would probably have agreed to FWB arrangement.

 

[Funkus Maximus]

This was her attempt at trying to leave you not thinking of her as easy or as a slut. Try including some "Frame" set-ups implying that you're not judgemental and that you like girls that are open about the fact that they enjoy sex and that doesn't make them a slut - there are some good examples of typical frames on here


How many orgasms did you give her? Did you make her cum before PIV sex? She probably needs a lot more arousal before PIV or moving to other positions. If you fix this and apply this and set the right frames as above then she would probably have agreed to FWB arrangement.

Hi @Derek da man ! Thanks for reading and for the feedback. Much appreciated.

I will do some more research on the "frame" set ups - time to use that search function! Thinking of things as frames is a bit of new concept for me so this will be a learning point for me over the coming months, how to set the scene for women to feel open and comfortable being their sexual selves.

To answer your question about the sex... I am going thru my memory and I can see that the sex probably wasn't all that special for her. She kept being surprised that I wasn't rushing to PIV. "Are you comfortable?" "We don't have to do it if you don't want to...", but I insisted that I like taking my time and focusing on her pleasure, which she seemed to really appreciate. I don't know if she orgasmed (I never ask "did you cum??") but she had a biiig reaction when I took the time to finger her how she likes it.

I can now see that I would definitely have given her a better time if i did as you suggested... keep it going on the oral/fingering to keep building the orgasms and arousing her in other ways... then only going for PIV when she's begging for it.

Something for me to keep in mind for my next lay.

Come to think of it...I did this in January when I met up with a girl I ended up banging for a while... build her up and up and up with the oral sex and finger play until she really was dying to suck and fuck hehehe!

 

[Derek da man]

I will do some more research on the "frame" set ups - time to use that search function! Thinking of things as frames is a bit of new concept for me so this will be a learning point for me over the coming months, how to set the scene for women to feel open and comfortable being their sexual selves

Setting frames is really useful. You can subtly set out what you expect from a girl and then let her qualify herself (she try's to convince you she is worth your attention)

I often set a frame about not seeing a girls "slutty" or promiscuous side as a negative, I see it as a positive. I tell her that I find girls that have confidence are more attractive than quiet/demure girls which means she talks more about her sexy side and her sex history etc.

I then link that to a frame about fairly average dresses/skirts being ten times sexier than the best pair of trousers. This results in her telling me about her dress collection which I can then link to sexy lingerie, stockings shoes and the like. Through this she is then qualifying herself as liking these things too.

If she doesn't continue to try and qualify herself then she isn't interested in you. What I have found is that if you set out your expectations, all be it in a subtly way, she will see you as having standards and are not "chasing" her. Consequently she sees you as a challenge and becomes more interested in you. In my younger less experienced days I thought this would put her off so didn't say anything. The moment I started to set out that I had standards girls became so much more interested.

Setting a frame about the way I like girls to dress also results in her wearing her finest sexy outfits on future dates. When she's dressed well I will always give a compliment at the same time as taking a long admiring the way she looks and finishing this with deep sexual eye contact that establishes a desire between us which you then keep moving forward with small subtle escalation steps.

There's loads of articles on Girls Chase and lots of examples in the forum here about using all these different tools and techniques but it's up to you how you use them yourself but you need to find a way to link them together so these things are all connected - that's why I enjoy reading some of the "Lay Reports" where people detail out how they applied them. I can then take bits and add to my style.

 

[Funkus Maximus]

Setting frames is really useful. You can subtly set out what you expect from a girl and then let her qualify herself (she try's to convince you she is worth your attention)

Thanks for your additional input on this! I think the key part I'm hearing is "SUBTLY". I want to set frames that show i have standards, I will see if your values align with mine, I like grils that show I like girls that show their sexy (or depraved) side... I can imagine myself doing this not-that-subtly right now.... but doing that subtly is going to take work and trial/error.. thanks for pointing me to the articles, LRs, etc.. will have a look around, and try things out in the field of course.

Lots of things to chew on from all the feedback i've received past couple of days.

 

[Gram]

@Derek da man this is a great reply. I am hoping you can go deeper into this nugget:

In my younger less experienced days I thought this would put her off so didn't say anything. The moment I started to set out that I had standards girls became so much more interested.

How did you overcome this? Did you just start doing it?

I'd like to start incorporating standards into my compliments but also feel it would be a put off. You figured it out and I'm curious how.

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EDIT: I just reread your post and see your frame setting through a new lens. One question it raised was whether you are setting these standards for girls who aren't meeting them. For example, if a girl is wearing trousers, do you tell her that skirts are sexier? I may be reading too deep into this but are you providing feedback on their current state, or just weaving your standards into the conversation to express your opinion, and to express to hear that you have an opinion?

 

[Derek da man]

How did you overcome this? Did you just start doing it?

When you reflect on previous conversations you've had with a girl you can recognise where you could have insereted such comments, once you are aware of the principle and need for frames. Until you understand what they are and how they can be used you can't conciously do it. Once you are aware of it then you can start trying things, maybe not great the first time but you quickly get better once you have the awareness and understanding of them.

if a girl is wearing trousers, do you tell her that skirts are sexier?

I probably wouldn't say anything that could be directly interpreted that I don't like what she is wearing. I did have one occasion where I said:
"I love girls wearing a nice dress as they are so much more feminine than trousers can every be. Don't get me wrong you are rockin those leggins you're wearing". So I compliminted her and got my opening line in there. There were a few more bits of conversation and I led it into how much I like girls wearing sexynice lingerie and not the horrid plan stuff. (I had already seen she was wearing something with lace edges peaking out from under her top so I was on a safe bet that it wasn't plain and horrible. She responded with a big smile that she had a wardrobe full of sexy outfits - so I could see she was trying to qualify herself to me.