Can Attraction Expire Over Text?

[Bboy100]

Ok, so long story short, this girl on TInder literally asked me to fuck. Like...literally straight up asked me for sex. I said yes. We did some logistical texts and planned to meet later that night.She then told me she had to cancel for and that she'd like to reschedule for the next day. Followed by her sending me nudes (without me asking), I sent her a dick pic back...she loved it. We set up to meet the next day. Also, she sent me a bunch of random snaps after that. Some of which I replied to, others which I didn't. The next day, I asked her when she's getting off work. She said 10:00. I asked her to text me when she gets off. She never did. The next day, I texted her this:

Me: So, there's been a change of plans for new years. And it turns out I'm actually going to be in Seattle till this Sunday. So if you still want to meet me, I'll be here during the weekend too. <--I had initially planned to leave for a different city on the day of new years, and i had told her that.
Her: Really?? That's good! Haha I work a lot you could always go to a bar with some friends [laughing emoji] <----I was genuinely confused by this comment. There was never a plan to go to a bar or anything like that. The plan was for me to just go straight to her house. I figure this is just her weird way of blowing me off? Or maybe she thought I was asking her to meet me on new years, and she was suggesting I go to a bar with friends? I really didn't understand this.
Me: Yeah, I already have plans for new yrs haha. I was just letting you know I'll be here during the weekend <---She had initially said that the weekend was the best time for her to meet me.
Her: I know, I meant like tonight or Friday haha <---...At this point, I'm pretty sure she's just trying to blow me off.
Me: Ahh, that's unfortunate. Ok, well let me know if you change your mind
Her: Okay!


I feel like I didn't do anything too stupid over text and over snapchat. So maybe her emotions crested after we exchanged nudes then nothing happened on that same day? Thoughts on this?
On a related note...how do you guys usually reply to unsolicited nudes? I feel like I got lucky that she actually appreciated the dick pic. But I feel like not all girls will feel the same way. So what do you guys usually say/do?

Edit: I decided to continue the conversation in a much more vulnerable but also "beta" way. I knew I wasn't going to see her again, so I wanted to at least try to get some more information out of her. To anyone reading, I don't recommend you send these types of texts if you think you still have a shot with her:

Her: Okay!
Me: Just one question though...for real, why did you change your mind? I know you work a lot, but it seemed like you were going to make time before. What change?
Her: Nothing! I can still try to make time. But I literally work from when I wake up until I go to bed
Me: If that's really the case, I'll take your word for it. But earlier, you said you're free on weekends. That's the only reason I'm making this a thing
...and I'm not trying to change your mind. Just trying to figure out what happened. Cause on the off chance that I did something dumb, I'd like to learn from my mistake.
Her: No no! This weekend is really the only weekend I have off. On Saturday I have friendsmas and Sunday I'm trying to go up snowboarding!!
Me: Ahh, ok. Alright well have fun! It was still good chatting with you.
Her: Do you snowboard?
Me: Normally, I do, but my arm is still recovering from surgery. :/ Can't do any intense physical exercise yet.
Her: Oh no

 

[Lotus]

Bboy,

The next day, I asked her when she's getting off work. She said 10:00. I asked her to text me when she gets off. She never did. The next day, I texted her this:

I don't know how your initial tinder conversations went, but following up after her blowing you off by texting her the next day. It kind of looks like you were over planning to hang out with her. I'd have waited until closer to the weekend or for her to re-open the conversation.

She repeatedly said she was just really busy, but you assumed she was blowing you off. Maybe something came up or work was just really stressful and she wasn't up to it, but you never gave her a chance to make it up to you.

Do you feel compromising yourself to find out what happened got you anywhere?

-Lotus

 

[Bboy100]

It kind of looks like you were over planning to hang out with her. I'd have waited until closer to the weekend or for her to re-open the conversation.

I considered this. In fact, in hindsight, if there's anything I would change about the interaction, this would be it. But at the time, I wasn't sure if she was blowing me off because I did something that communicated too low value (i.e. too attainable) or too high value (i.e. she was going into auto-reject). So I just took a stab in the dark and assumed the latter. Plus, I feel like I would have missed the escalation window (if there is such thing over text) if I waited any longer. And the benefits of waiting wouldn't have been all that great anyways...if she wants to hang out, she'll say yes. If she doesn't, she'll say no. In my experience, the importance of "how long we wait" is pretty exaggerated.

Do you feel compromising yourself to find out what happened got you anywhere?

Kind of. Obviously, it didn't change the result, but at least now I have more reason to believe that it was a value problem and not an attainability problem. Cause most girls who go into auto-reject try to get rid of me as quickly as possible. Usually, they'll even stop replying altogether. Whereas girls who view me as low value are still super nice to me and even sometimes offer to hang out with me (in a more platonic way!). This is a perfect example of this. At the end of that exchange, she was clearly about to ask me to go snowboarding with her.

So now I know I probably did something a bit boneheaded while I was texting her which communicated lower value than her initial impression of me. Had I not asked her those questions, I would have had no idea what happened.

Plus, I feel like there really wasn't anywhere to go from there, so it doesn't matter. I wasn't gonna ask her again. Especially not within the next few days (which is all I have left in the area!)

She repeatedly said she was just really busy, but you assumed she was blowing you off. Maybe something came up or work was just really stressful and she wasn't up to it, but you never gave her a chance to make it up to you.

Well it's not just that she was blowing me off. Her whole demeoner towards me changed. Felt exactly like a missed escalation window.

Ex.
She stopped sending me snaps (not that I wanted them...but it's still a change in behavior!)
She quit ending her texts with kissy face emojis and the like.
She didn't tell me when she got off work, even though she specifically said she would (I feel like if she still wanted to see me, she would have at least told me "Hey, just got off work, but I can't see you today because x). Instead, she just said nothing.

 

[Lotus]

Bboy,

I understand what you are saying but I don't agree with proceeding down that route.

With texting and tinder you could do nothing wrong but girls will see you as either too high or too low value you. You can't see emotions and body language so trying to figure out what a girl is thinking is just mental masturbation and will do you more harm then good. It's just impossible to know, and you are going to lose more girls then win by changing your strategy based on what you think they are thinking.

It's really impossible to know what happened because as soon as she threw you a curve ball you flinched.

She could have been an attention whore and you did nothing wrong.

-Lotus

 

[ProblemSolving]

I bagged 5 girls who came directly over to my place and another 3 who I took on dates before the lay, all from online this month. It's best not to plan in advance for sex. You just have to catch them when they're horny and available.

Even if she's super sexual over text, if she's not coming over that night, then don't escalate the situation by sending nudes and getting sexual over text. You risk ASD kicking in the next day when she's not horny anymore, and then it's flake city. I always have them come over for drinks, dinner, or movies. We both know what's going to happen, but doing this relieves some of their anxiety of coming over to get plowed by a stranger haha.

I've had some flake, then they hit me up again and come over THAT NIGHT.

 

[Bboy100]

I bagged 5 girls who came directly over to my place and another 3 who I took on dates before the lay, all from online this month.

That's insane dude! I feel like I have a super good profile, and I'm good at getting girls out on dates, but I've never really found a good way to screen out which ones would be down to come to my place directly. Do you have any type of process for what you do online?

Even if she's super sexual over text, if she's not coming over that night, then don't escalate the situation by sending nudes and getting sexual over text. You risk ASD kicking in the next day when she's not horny anymore, and then it's flake city.

Yeah, I usually wouldn't. But in this case, she initiated everything. She asked for sex, and she sent me nudes without me asking for them. :/

 

[ProblemSolving]

That's insane dude! I feel like I have a super good profile, and I'm good at getting girls out on dates, but I've never really found a good way to screen out which ones would be down to come to my place directly. Do you have any type of process for what you do online?

Hell yeah I've got a process! Hahaha

First off, I use both POF and Tinder, and in my experience POF is usually a lot more efficient. Next, pretty much the first question I ask is, "What are you up to?" If they are chilling at home in the evening watching tv or movies, or drinking wine, or otherwise not doing anything important, tell them, "I'm just relaxing at home making dinner and watching a movie. You're welcome to join me " If they agree to it, I get the number, text them an ice breaker, then call them on the phone. Once we're done our little chat, I text them my address.

Yeah, I usually wouldn't. But in this case, she initiated everything. She asked for sex, and she sent me nudes without me asking for them. :/

In cases like this, I'd call her on the phone and try to get her over to your place THAT NIGHT. She's clearly horny, and more than likely available, but is being lazy and doesn't want to drive to your place or whatever. Horny girls are usually bored girls, you just have to find out what's holding her back and help her overcome it.

 

[Bboy100]

With texting and tinder you could do nothing wrong but girls will see you as either too high or too low value you. You can't see emotions and body language so trying to figure out what a girl is thinking is just mental masturbation and will do you more harm then good. It's just impossible to know, and you are going to lose more girls then win by changing your strategy based on what you think they are thinking.

It's really impossible to know what happened because as soon as she threw you a curve ball you flinched.

Point taken. Yeah, I guess it's better to just stick to what girls generally respond well to, as opposed to trying to calibrate when it comes to texting. I'll keep this in mind for the future

First off, I use both POF and Tinder, and in my experience POF is usually a lot more efficient.

Really? I haven't used POF in years. Last time I tried it was when I had shit pictures and a shit profile. Girls would pretty much never reply. Wheras on Tinder, even when I had a bad profile, I'd still get a reply every once in a while. It just feels like the ratio of men to women on POF is like 10:1 or something ridiculous like that. I once made a female profile on there with a picture of an average looking girl, and I had 20 messages in 10 mins. It was insane!

But I got nothing to lose so yeah, I'll try it out again.
How do you feel about Okcupid?


I'm a stickler for details, so I apologize in advance for asking so many questions haha:

Next, pretty much the first question I ask is, "What are you up to?"

I'm guessing you don't start the conversation like this. Do you use any specific openers, or does it not really matter?

I get the number, text them an ice breaker, then call them on the phone. Once we're done our little chat, I text them my address.

I feel like you told me about how you do phone calls one time, but I can't find which post it was haha. Remind me, do you text them to tell them you're about to call them? Or do you just click the call button after the ice breaker text? Also, I'm guessing the phone call is just like a mini-date. You don't have a specific agenda for what you're about to say...just get to know them for like, 5-10 mins right?

 

[ProblemSolving]

Really? I haven't used POF in years. Last time I tried it was when I had shit pictures and a shit profile. Girls would pretty much never reply. Wheras on Tinder, even when I had a bad profile, I'd still get a reply every once in a while. It just feels like the ratio of men to women on POF is like 10:1 or something ridiculous like that. I once made a female profile on there with a picture of an average looking girl, and I had 20 messages in 10 mins. It was insane!

Try it again with your new pimped out profile. You will be pleasantly surprised. Yeah, I didn't realize it was that bad. I actually had a bunch of girls message me first with no profile pics, so I just assumed they were unattractive, so I ignored them. But I've now discovered a lot of the hot chicks keep their pics private to avoid being bombarded by thirsty dudes, so if you get messaged by girls with no profile pics, don't ignore them, just ask for pics.

How do you feel about Okcupid?

Never tried it. POF keeps me pretty busy with a little bit of TInder thrown in for good measure.

I'm guessing you don't start the conversation like this. Do you use any specific openers, or does it not really matter?

90% of the time it's, "Hey name, what's up!"

I feel like you told me about how you do phone calls one time, but I can't find which post it was haha. Remind me, do you text them to tell them you're about to call them? Or do you just click the call button after the ice breaker text? Also, I'm guessing the phone call is just like a mini-date. You don't have a specific agenda for what you're about to say...just get to know them for like, 5-10 mins right?

Text them your ice breaker:

"Hey Rachel, this is Bboy from POF/Tinder. Save my number "

Once they reply, I text:

"Hey, I'm gonna call you in 7 minutes"

Give them a call. Talk about how her night is going. Where she lives. If she drives or takes transit. You might need to pick her up. Tell her where you live, ask her if she knows how to get there. Tell her you've got wine or dinner ready so get your butt over here. Tell her you will text her the address. It usually takes 5 minutes or less.

 

[Bboy100]

That sounds like a pretty solid plan...I'll definitely try it out! Thanks Problemsolving