Can second dates be the same activity as first dates? / Pulling on meal dates

[The Byronic Man]

1. If we had drinks for our first date, is it fine to have coffee for the second date? Traditionally, I second dates are more elaborate, but we don't do anything traditional here. Would making the second date coffee be a step back? I really want to keep this as simple and stress free as possible (not just for her but for myself as well).

2. If we are having lunch or dinner for a date, doesn't that mean you have to time the emotional high at the end of the meal so you can pull? The end of the meal is usually the most awkward time, so this is quite some tricky stuff to pull off. It seems that coffee/drink dates are easier to pull because you can leave the venue anytime.

 

[Franco]

Re: Can second dates be the same activity as first dates? / Pulling on meal date

TBM,

1. If we had drinks for our first date, is it fine to have coffee for the second date? Traditionally, I second dates are more elaborate, but we don't do anything traditional here. Would making the second date coffee be a step back? I really want to keep this as simple and stress free as possible (not just for her but for myself as well).

Most, if not all, women will likely be confused by two coffee dates. I wouldn't recommend it. The course of action for the second date is to either invite her directly over to your place, or invite her out for a romantic evening that will make her head over heels for you. I think the first recommendation is self-explanatory; as far as the second recommendation, check out Chase's article on date compression if you haven't already.

2. If we are having lunch or dinner for a date, doesn't that mean you have to time the emotional high at the end of the meal so you can pull? The end of the meal is usually the most awkward time, so this is quite some tricky stuff to pull off. It seems that coffee/drink dates are easier to pull because you can leave the venue anytime.

I wouldn't say that the end of the meal is necessarily an "awkward" time by default. In fact, she could be dripping for you and what will happen next just as you two finish paying the check! The problem with a meal date though, like you were somewhat inferring, is that you can't pull right when you sense that the emotions between you two are cresting. With a coffee or drink date, you can decide literally on the spot when you would like to make your move.

So alluding back to the first question here, it's best to leave meal dates for the second (or third) outing once she's already somewhat invested in you. But I would not repeat a date by any means. The next date should always be "forward progress" in some form.

- Franco

 

[NarrowJ]

Re: Can second dates be the same activity as first dates? / Pulling on meal date

TBM,

This quote sums it up:

The next date should always be "forward progress" in some form.

Franco had to teach me this as well

I haven't gone on many "dates" lately, as I've been busy with work during the week and have been just going out on weekends. But, my standard "date progression" looks like this:

First date:

This is always coffee/drinks/ice cream/etcetera (informational date). If I close her, good. If not, I of course have to figure out a 2nd date.


Second date:

Anytime you're going on a second date and haven't had sex yet, there's a decent-sized risk of falling into the boyfriend box. However, maybe there is some other reason she wouldn't/couldn't go back to your place after the first date, but wanted to. Such as: maybe logistics were not favorable, she had to get up early, or some other time constraint. What I like to offer as a second date, is a choice between two things:

(A) Something fun like Dave & Buster's, Hooters or maybe taking my boat out on the lake together
or
(B) food and a movie at my house

I've found this works very well for me and if a girl is into me and feels comfortable she will pick option B because she also knows that's going to be the easiest route to us getting together.

General game plan on 2nd date is either (A) do fun activity, then pull her home and escalate to sex or (B) order pizza or something and watch a movie and escalate to sex at my house.


Third date:

I haven't been on a third date in probably 3 months or so, because I've usually closed her by this point. But, by now she has to be ready to just come hang out at your place, in my opinion. In fact, that's what chase recommends in the date compression article is Date 1: Informational, Date 2: Fun, exciting, romantic, Date 3: Dinner at your place. However, if I can skip a step and go straight to dinner at my place for the 2nd date- I do it


NJ

 

[Richard]

Re: Can second dates be the same activity as first dates? / Pulling on meal date

Franco and NJ gave you a gold mine of information here.

You always want to be progressing in your dates as Franco said.

My standard scenario is like this nowadays:
-No first date at all actually, just pull them straight to my house. Basically, my house is the first date, usually a movie with popcorn and banging sex! The popcorn is optional, the sex is not. Haha =P

So, if I were you, I'd try and invite her over to your place, or take her out for a nice dinner. At the very least, you can pull a multi-venue move where you hit up a few places in succession rather than stick to one place, and that ladder effectively let's you pull her home with a higher likelihood

 

[The Byronic Man]

Re: Can second dates be the same activity as first dates? / Pulling on meal date

Thanks a lot guys! Just read that compression article right now. Fantastic stuff as usual.

I'm going to invite her out for sushi. The wildcard here though is that we already went back to my place in the first date, but I failed to make out. Should I not try to pull her again UNTIL the third date? Because she's already been back to my place, it might be better to pull again on the second date?