Can you make everyone like you, (and should you??)

[Rookie]

Hey, I've been living with some new flatmates who I've never met before. The 5 of them know each other for at least 5 years plus and i've just moved in. We met earlier before the flat in a flat viewing and I clearly made a good enough impression then to be invited to live with them for the year.
It's been 2 months and the question of renewing the lease has come and they have voted me out!! (not rudely or dismissively but it's clear they'd rather have someone else come in)

However in these two months I haven't actively been trying to get them to like me. Learning a lot from my ex-girlfriend I know the importance of being genuine with yourself and others (and not trying to be someone else just to get someone to like you) and so I didn't want to put up this artificial front and put so much effort into getting these guys to like me. It wasn't that big a deal to me. So the conversation and connection building didn't really happen with these guys. Plus having a girlfriend at the time meant that i didn't really spend so much time with them and so maybe that's why they didn't feel so strongly to me staying? Moreover these guys don't have much in common with me. There all computer scientists (YIKES! I know) and they all have they're gaming computers. Yeah they party from time to time but i don't think they enjoy chasing girls and that type of socializing. BUT WAIT! The question goes deeper.

My question is can you be good friends with everyone you meet regardless if you have very little things in common?
Also, if a friendship doesn't work out, is it your fault, should you have elicited their values, and showcased/mirrored them in yourself as well as provided value to them? Even if it is so against your personality?
Lastly, to what extent should you change yourself to get someone to like? I know just be yourself is the worst dating advice and to be honest friend-making advice ever. But to what extent do we "change ourselves" in order to make and maintain friends and seduce women?
To what extent do we "fake an interest"? And should we even?

Cheers, Rookie

 

[Marcellus]

Rookie,

I feel ya man! But I honestly wouldn't try and befriend people that are just boring and have nothing to offer to my life whatsoever. I mean sure you could have been much more friendlier with these guys and they probably would have let you stay but does that even matter?

I think you can certainly befriend people who have little in common with you, but at the end of they day do they provide any sort of value to your life is the real question? I always provide value to others and I'm getting a bit tired of that, I need more, I need people who have real value to provide back as well.

You don't have to change yourself at all, just suppress the parts of your personality that these people wouldn't get along with/understand when you guys are together. Be a Chameleon, you're always "you", just a different side of "you". If that makes sense haha

I definitely wouldn't "fake an interest" to befriend someone, very inauthentic.

Marcellus

 

[Rookie]

Yeah i completely agree Marcellus, I've only recently started to begin trying to get really good socially instead of just focusing on girls so i'm in the exact same position haha. You provide Value but sometimes it seems that you're just not connecting the way you people who walk in the room and have everyone chase them do.

I guess the only thing is maybe provide the right type of value, be it social and get better at conversation and finding out what each individual values. And to be honest the flatmates are okay but they barely go out, Kill me haha.

-Rookie

 

[Inbocca]

Yeh, sometimes you're not going to connect with certain people. Nobody in the group went out? That sounds awful, hahah. Even if they voted you off the island, it doesn't sound like a fun island to begin with. While you should always approach situations from the perspective "what could I have done differently", sometimes the thing you could have done differently isn't really something that does you any good. It sounds like a good thing that you're not living with them anymore; only way to have made it better would maybe have been to make the call yourself? Realize you don't fit well with them and don't want to adapt to their lifestyle so bye Felicia, off to greener pastures?

Nice thing about flatmates is it's usually easy to find more roommates. Usually more fun to find a friend with a lifestyle similar to yours that needs a roommate rather than to find a group of strangers who already know each other pretty well (it's no fun being the new guy to the group) but you never know when the odds might be in your favor.

And the last thing you said about getting to know each individual is a good move. Connect with them on a personal basis and on a group level, then you've never got any awkward moments when some of the group is gone but others aren't, and in a group setting you're pretty well-liked.

Best of luck man.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Sometimes you're just a bad fit for certain groups, I have to deal with this. I am at a stage of my life where I have to go out in my 20s and have some fun but living in Seattle, you run into a lot of the shut ins and nerdy types (Microsoft is located here). The best thing you can do is find some common topic with the coders of the world and best of all, get them to talk about themselves, many of these guys here in Seattle feel all high and mighty because of their jobs at Amazon and Microsoft.

I would not hang out with them long term or even try to associate with guys that much different from me too much but a soft touch friendship is perfect.