Can't Read This Girl

[someone]

Hey all,

I've been reading Girls Chase quite frequently for the last year. I have learned a lot and upped my own game significantly since ending a relationship of 8 years.

Anyway, I am currently trying to rebuild my network of friends (particularly ladies) which my previous relationship took a toll on (bad, I know). I joined OKCupid a little over three weeks ago and have had seemingly good success so far.

I have had a date with someone working for a major financial firm, a medical student, a dental student, and am currently pursuing a doctor (that's just off of OKCupid). The doctor and I are a 99% match (I know not to put too much stock in that figure) and we mutually liked each other which is usually a decent sign. The thing is, she's a surgical resident and is ridiculously busy (I am too, but not THAT busy). I am really interested, but trying not to come off as being overly interested. The exchange so far:

Me: "It's not everyday that I come across a 99% match. How can you possibly find time to date during a surgical residency?"

Her: "I don't really have much time at all, I just want to see who's our there..."

Her (2nd message): "But I'd be interested in finding the time to go out with you. "

Me: "What times work for you? My schedule is probably more flexible than yours."

-No response for 4 days and then I got really busy with school and work-

Me: "I'm going to have to wait until next week when I have some time off, I'm too busy right now."

Her: "That works for me!"

-A few more days passed-

Me: "How about these times (then I listed a couple of possible times)."

-No response for 5 days, I started to think she had lost interest-

Me: "I'm not sure if you're still interested, but I'll give you some info about me to break the ice. (I had used Chase's suggestion for my profile and left myself mostly a mystery. I wondered if that was keeping her from wanting to get together because I am a total stranger) I then told her that we work in the same institution, and gave her the name of a physician I also work with. I gave her my number and told her to text me sometime if she is interested (I was attempting to move off-site)."

Her (a few hours later): "I'm really sorry for not getting back to you sooner. I have been very busy, this is one of my rare down moments. I am still very interested in meeting you. Here's my number, and my name is... What is your name?"

I then texted her the following day with a short message telling her my name. She responded and told me to have a beautiful day. I told her to let me know if she has any free time in the next few days to try a date. It's now day #3 and I've heard nothing.

Any advice? I am still pursuing other women and trying to maintain the abundance mindset, but this girl has real potential if I can ever get her out on a date. I know that surgical residents have it super hard (14-16 hour days 6-7 days a week often) because I'm working my way through a similar career field. I'm just navigating unfamiliar waters and unsure how hard to push this and when I cross over from pursuing to chasing in this particular situation. Currently my plan is just to wait her out and see if she will eventually get back to me with a time to meet.

PS - I am not afraid to call a girl, and would have actually called any other woman by now. I am just not sure that's the best thing to do in this case. But, when she's this unresponsive to texts and messages on OKC I am wondering if that's not the only option I have left. Does that cross the line from pursuing into chasing and make me seem too eager?

 

[Drck]

Go by what she tells you: she is very busy as a resident, and when she has a time she wants to find out who is out there. Out there is you - and probably couple of other guys. It doesn't mean that she is going for dates, but she could. Also, hospitals are big, there is a lot of doctors and residents. They talk, you only text. No matter what you match percentage says, they have advantage - she sees them, talk to them, work with them, knows their social circle, goes for a lunch or coffee with them... There are also many other guys online, you don't know how many of them have good match with her. But it shouldn't matter, as long as she's texting...

She might be very much interested in meeting you so don't loose hope, but do you see where am I coming from? She's hot, attractive doctor, she has choices...

I'm not sure if you can do much. If you keep bugging her she may perceive you as annoying, insecure, needy. But she may not, it all depends. Take your TIME with responses, wait at least couple hours, if not days. Try not to be obvious but simply kind of match what she does.

Don't put too many cards on this girl though, she is not desperate to meet you at this time, and you shouldn't be desperate to met her. Your only card is TIME, PATIENCE; you have to wait and not push things forward via texting. If you are a good talker, I would call her, perhaps even leave a quick/neutral message. If she doesn't pick up. Maybe it is better NOT to push for a date at this time?

You just never know, there is really not one strategy that's better than other. Remember, if she wanted to meet you right now, she would find time very fast, you would have a date within three days, no residency would stop her....

This goes back couple years, I didn't even know sites like this exist. I used to text one girl every single day for several months, and she was texting back. Here and there we talked, just basic, relatively boring stuff. There was absolutely no intention or words about sex, there was nothing seductive at all, no hinting, suggesting, no witty words, no sexy voice, no asking for date, no asking if she is interested, just plain talk. Then I met her and had her in my bed two hours later without any effort - without physical escalation, touching, kissing... Honestly I have no clue how it happened, but it would definitely be against most stuff that you read here, and it would be against many guys (including myself) that claim that long distance relationships never work. They do, sometimes.... Sometimes all you really need is like that girl, giving that she also likes you....

Keep it simple, as long as she's texting back assume that she is interested...

 

[Whizzy]

Only one message pointer here from what I can see


Me: "What times work for you? My schedule is probably more flexible than yours."
Makes you sounds too available in my opinion, but if you just scratch off the "my schedule...flexible than yours" part you may be ok.

I would honestly leave it be for a week or so until you ask her again. Otherwise you can come off as too pushy/needy. Keep meeting/talking to girls and the time will fly by

 

[Achilles]

You're putting too much stake in the 99% match rating. It looks as though you're more into her than she is into you, which is evident in your messages. The chase frame is such that you are the pursuer and are willing to accommodate on her terms.

In terms of messaging her now, give her radio silence for a solid week. Then text her back as though you've been very busy. See if she bites. You are walking the fine line of pursuing vs chasing, especially since you've put much more effort into your texts vs her responses. Calling isn't a bad idea, but I would suggest you offer a call after she's communicating as a woman who is interested would. If she responds, try to set up a call and a subsequent date so you can escalate and have sex with her as soon as possible.

Don't assume she has any special potential because of the 99% match. Is she is a cool person to hang out with? She might be, but you don't know since you haven't met. Until you actually meet, don't put any extra effort into this. Keep the abundance mentality, and if she continues not to respond to your texts, just move on.

 

[someone]

Thanks for the responses everyone, really good advice all around. I agree on being overly accommodating, but wanted her to know that I understand that she's working 16 hour days sometimes 7 days a week and am cool with that. As far as the 99% thing goes, that's not what interested me, it was more the way she answered questions, her profile description, etc. I know that she could still be completely different in real life, but for the most part I've found OKC does a decent job with the matching stuff when it's given enough questions to work with.

So, to update, I did call her yesterday and got her voicemail as expected. I left a short message saying that I was calling to chat but that she must be busy.

Anyway, I had a great date today with a different girl, and the doc I posted about in this thread didn't really cross my mind until just now. So, I'm definitely not stuck on her, and have pretty much come to terms with the fact that I will probably never hear from her again for X, Y, or Z reason. The important thing is, it doesn't bother me all that much!