Can't Solve This Investment Equation

[Adam101]

There's a consistent problem I'm running into, and I've yet to figure out a good answer. What happens fairly often is I'll start talking to a girl and we hit it off well but a few minutes in I'll get hit with something like "I'm bored with this place. Let's go somewhere else." First couple of times I went along with this because I thought I was just going with the flow and hey we're having a good conversation. Outside looking in though I see it for what it really is: I'm complying and moving with them and it's needy behavior. I thought maybe if I took the lead and decided on where to go next it would change my results but the outcome is the same. Once we're in a new spot the attraction dies and they go cold.

So I've made a point not to move with girls. However this past wekeend I had a woman, who I will mention had a good few inches on me, walk up to me and want to dance with me as a result of my solo dance floor game. When I tried to take the lead dancing with her she said "Wow you know what you're doing." and almost right after that told me where she was going next with her friends. Holding to my new rule I offered that she stay since we were having a good time and while she admitted I was convincing obviously not convincing enough.

This feels like a no-win situation. If I move with it's unattractive, but if I don't they move anyway. Any advice on how to handle this situation?

 

[Franco]

Adam,

Generally in these situations, you just need to do a "hard push" to get her to comply with you instead. She says she needs to go back with her friends? You say, "your friends will still be here for awhile, right? Come with me and we'll grab a seat over here instead." She says she's not sure? You say, "so you just met this really cute guy that you may never see again and now you want to bail? *Smile slyly* Come with me. We can meet up with them a bit later. "

There's lots of ways to rephrase how you push her to comply with you, but the point is that you need to convince her to comply with your request instead. IF you can CAN do that and she invests in your request, it usually does really good things for you because she rationalizes that she must really like you to completely drop what she was going to do to follow your lead instead.

Of course, if she absolutely can't comply with you because she's in a hurry or really needs to go, you'll want to have made sure that you've grabbed her number so you can contact her later because she'll likely respond if she was really into you.

- Franco

 

[Adam101]

Thank you Franco. Now I see how I can make the most out of those situations. I'm still working on my mental flexibility which would include going for possible outcomes not just what I'm aiming for. In this case I was trying to see how far I could get right then and there and didn't think to ask for a phone number. Looking back that girl probably would have happily given it to me. Lesson learned.