Careless neighbor

[Rain]

Neighbor moved into the unit next to my unit. They put some rubbish in my recycle bin. They also left some rubbish in the garden. Moved my rubbish bin to unload their vehicle too which I asked them about they confirmed that one. Have not asked them about rubbish in recycle but I think its obvious.

Some stuff is not recyclable, I don't know if they are careless or just uneducated.What would you guys do?

Is it a pussy move to not make him get it out? Would you guys just not worry about it and let it go into the recycle and let the worker at the conveyor belt remove it?
Or would you get it out yourself with gloves on?

Am I making too big of a deal about this? If I remember correctly, Hector left a used condom outside someone yard after hooking up or something and wondered if they would find it in the morning. I can't find the link to that so happy to have that edited out if that's incorrect. But based off that I'm making too big a deal... yes... no?

 

[Hue]

Rain,

I wouldn't make too big of deal about it. It could be carelessness, an accident, (insert harmless reason here). It's always a solid to be on good terms with your neighbors and there's no reason to provoke hostility.


If it continues, mentioning it to them in a friendly way to make sure you guys are on the same page is usually all that it takes.

"Hey dude I noticed that banana peels keep showing up in my recycling bin. Was that you guys? Ah gotcha - well those aren't actually recyclable, could you make sure to toss those ones in the trash? Thanks."


Then if your polite request get's ignored repeatedly you may have to be slightly more direct,

"Hey man I really don't enjoy picking out the trash in my recycling - I'd appreciate it if you cut that out."


If after that they keep doing that shit, I'd tell the landlord (if you have one), and if that fails you'll have to be stern,

"Yo - I'm gonna have to ask you use your own trash from now on. I shouldn't have to get my hands dirty with rubbish that isn't mine. Okay?"

Note the use of "I" statements. This is different with neighbors because you can't just cut them off (unless you move or something) so you rarely want to have to create bad blood.


Hope this helps!


Hue

 

[Rain]

Thanks Hue! Definitely helps.

 

[Rain]

So update

He goes away for a week or two at a time. He came back recently at 11pm, heard car, heard letterbox, but car had not driven up the driveway to his end yet. I heard his voice maybe talking to someone or on his phone. Then, I hear my bin get moved but not far. Then hear someone almost running away in thongs. So, next morning yeah sun came up, I could see through the blurred window it had been moved, from against the window/wall to maybe 3 walking steps away so not moved far, but that's not the point. My bin is no where near the letterbox, its against my bedroom window. Now, my car wasn't there, so maybe he didn't think I was home, but it still raises the question, what was he doing in that area, at 11pm at night? Even if its quicker to use my bin for junkmail, why move it? There was also nothing put in it when I checked it the next morning.

That afternoon his houseguest came over she said he was wondering if the day before if anyone had been around, because his friends were supposed to leave something. Maybe the houseguest moved it but I don't know if she was even there yet from the night before. Maybe he thought the his friends left something down my end, but doesn't make sense to tell them to do that unless something dodgy going on. Or maybe he's just being annoying for no reason?
There is a gardener that comes, and he may not be aware that, the gardener picked his hose up to mow the lawn, so maybe it was payback for that even though I didn't touch his hose. Or maybe the gardener moved his bin around to put weed killer, but these are all sepculation. I will certainly tell him about the gardener and that he might move his stuff around. But with this guy moving my bin, would you guys get an answer for this or not worry about it as a one off?

Looks like he's gone again, would bringing it up in a week or two be too long from when this happened and viewed as weak? Or time doesn't affect that?

A few weeks ago he brought in my bin to his end by accident, I had already had it replaced[I didn't see mine on his end], and I then mentioned my bin was missing xyz colour and replaced and he said xyz colour, I've got xyz colour around the back. Its already replaced by the council so no worries. He doesn't look at colours just brings them in.

A few weeks before that, he came over asking if I owned the this place, because he got raided by cops for possession of something, they kicked his door in. I wasn't home, but he thought I must have gone through his bin or something to know that he had that. A friend of his had a prescription for it and yeah. But his friend had gone a bit awol so he was just asking around and seeing how people react. The cops wouldn't say where they got the information.

Anyway so, and he is always friendly aswell, its just these little odd things. So would you guys find an answer for why the bin was moved or not worry about it? Doesn't count as a form of dominating or does it?

 

[Cacc]

It's an ovbious attempt at control. Call him out on it.

 

[Hue]

Rain,

Impossible to say what exactly is going on here, one way or another. If I had to guess, the guy is literally just being careless and isn't a "good neighbor". I doubt he's acting out of mallace. It's not parsimonious to assume he's doing all this out of some strange revenge or control tactic... and there's probably some background to whatever has been happening.

Regardless, someone is moving your shit around, and it's not unlikely he's involved. I would inform the land lord of your concerns, and simply express that you're confused why this keeps happening and would really like it to stop.

No need for direct confrontation, quite yet. In most situations, you can just go to your land lord and have them handle it, rather than create bad blood - which ultimately, makes it more likely someone actually does act out of mallace.

If things become more extreme or informing the landlord doesn't do anything, you may have to call him out directly and be a bit stern.

Hue

 

[Cacc]

Sure, you can do what Hue says and run behind your landlord. I'm sure the guy will probably stop, when the owner decides to talk to the neighbor. A trashcan is probably not high on his priority list, but it's sooo much better than creating bad blood.

Sometimes I wonder if some guys here try so hard not to step on anyone's toes that they forget being a man means you sometimes have to do just that.

It's ok to sometimes be an asshole if it means getting what you want. Remember that.

Cacc

 

[Hue]

Cacc,

You're 100% right that you have to be an asshole sometimes, and I fully condone being an asshole when its appropriate.

Just know that when you're in a long term situation with someone by happenstance, being an asshole for a short term want/need may leave you with diminishing returns or other negative consequences.

For example, don't fuck your fraternity brother's ex girlfriend the week after they break up because he and the rest of the frat will probably hate you and there after alienate you from a prosperous social scene. Or, don't be surprised when you tell your boss to go fuck themselves gets you fired, leaving you without a steady income.

Context and timing are very important factors when using hostility and/or arrogance as tools.


Hue

 

[Cacc]

You're comparing a neighbor who provides no value to a social circle or boss who provide you with benefits and thus you must calculate risk and reward.

There's no drawback in being ruthless towards someone who offers nothing to your life. What's the worse that can happen, he stops saying hi to you?

 

[Hue]

Fair point but a community of any kind is still a social circle and simply because there's nothing to gain out of your neighbor or an entity directly (well, there could be, but it doesn't seem like Rain wants anything this guy might have to offer) doesn't mean their presence in your environment is without influence of that environment.

A point I made in my reply to Rain is that being hostile when it's not yet necessary for his hand to deliver any blows, especially in a happenstance "relationship" (in this case nothing more than proximity of living space) potentially creates reason for someone to start fucking with your property or taking malicious action.

He could bow his head and fuck off, making sure to steer clear of that fucking asshole next door. That might include him looking the other way when he overhears a burglar breaking in next week.

He could be a bigger asshole and slash your tires, because now you've dominated him and feels a need to get back at you, plus he knows which car is yours, where you park it, and has access to it.

As a neighbor, you don't know these things, but can usually assume that if you keep to your own self and be friendly to those around you, you'll get the same back.

Sometimes you have lazy, careless, or shitty neighbors, and you have to take action, but that doesn't mean you have to make an enemy. Making an enemy that you have to be around long term almost creates more potential for them to act out of mallace whereas they may have not before, so there is still (at least) an indirect risk/reward assessment.

 

[Rain]

That slashed tyres possibility was also a concern. I don't know if that's likely or not.

I did talk to the real estate a few months ago about garbage in the recycle and they said not much they can do, like they're not the police they just give people a place to live. The local goverment body was the same unless you had evidence. Anyway I think I'd need to make sure I can move before doing anything too drastic. Possiblilities:

1. Just ask "Hey how are you etc. Last time you came home I noticed my bin was pulled out from against the wall, was just wondering why you moved it?" So being nice but still trying to get an answer
Of course, if he says he was looking for something should I then ask what were you looking for, or just leave it?

2. If it is mallace and not just looking for something, perhaps its better to not mention it. You could mention something and put a stop to it. Or you could mention someting and because its so petty, it keeps happening more due to the person doing the mallace getting off on it. Its one of those things that, I dunno what the percentages are.

3. There is the option that if the gardener came and moved his hose or something[which I asked the gardener because he needed to mow the lawn] maybe he thinks that was me when it wasn't, but so I'd need to let him know about that anyway just incase thats a reason.