Cats and Dogs

[Casanovelis]

I thoroughly believe that a woman AND the man is happiest when the man is focused on himself and his life/interests.

I have always thought true about a dog and cat analogy that was once told to me by my father. I believe the general consensus is men like dogs more and women cats (typically.) Dogs are the perfect woman for a man. They are so fucking happy when they see you that they can hardly control themselves. They are extremely loyal and would do anything for you. A cat is perfect for a woman. Cats are selfish pricks. They only want to be around you when THEY want to be and could give a shit less as long as you feed them. Honestly the more attention I have given cats the less they liked me. I've known people to have cats and cannot stop petting them and they will run away at the mere sight of them. Meanwhile I am sitting down ignoring and I can't get puss off my leg, despite my best efforts to kick puss off.

My relationships have ALWAYS gone far better when I focused on myself and she was #2. There have been times when she has slipped into #1, and that is when things went downhill. She is less attracted, I am less ambitious and achieve less than I want to achieve. It was a repetitive trend for a stretch of my life.

Thankfully I have felt a new age creep into my life. Lust is the redeeming factor. With that brings an unseen force of ambition. Ambition is not a means to an end, but the mean and the end in itself.

Why does the woman acquire more intense feelings and attraction for the lover? Because he has a lust for life. His desire for greater things makes himself the object of desire.

As we reach adulthood it becomes increasingly hard to change who we are. In earlier life change was wrought by maturation from infant to schoolboy. Now we are left to our own device, like Adam being banished from Eden. And then God cursed the ground so that man would always have to work hard. He has to have the will inside of him, and the puissance to conquer and play his part on this stage.

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms.
Then, the whining school-boy with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like a snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress' eyebrow. Then, a soldier,
Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honour, sudden, and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon's mouth. And then, the justice,
In fair round belly, with a good capon lin'd,
With eyes severe, and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws, and modern instances,
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slipper'd pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side,
His youthful hose, well sav'd, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank, and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.
-William Shakespeare

So work hard, and revel in your ambition. Seek refuge in desire.

"What do you want a meaning for? Life is a desire, not a meaning."

Charlie Chaplin

 

[Franco]

Casanovelis,

Good analogy with cats and dogs. I've always thought of my relationships with women to be ideal when the female is most similar to the dog; however, I had never thought about myself (or dominant men) as cats. But to a certain degree, it makes sense.

What is even more funny is that, if you were to TELL a woman that she would be the happiest if she were treated like a dog, she would probably become furious at the thought of being some dominated "pet" to you. In reality, treating her like a dog will make her have the most respect for you as well as make her the happiest to see you. =)

- Franco

 

[Casanovelis]

Casanovelis,

Good analogy with cats and dogs. I've always thought of my relationships with women to be ideal when the female is most similar to the dog; however, I had never thought about myself (or dominant men) as cats. But to a certain degree, it makes sense.

What is even more funny is that, if you were to TELL a woman that she would be the happiest if she were treated like a dog, she would probably become furious at the thought of being some dominated "pet" to you. In reality, treating her like a dog will make her have the most respect for you as well as make her the happiest to see you. =)

- Franco

It is a funny thing because it is hard for us as men to go "What we are similar to cats?'', but I think that is the reason why a lot of men don't like cats is because they are so similar to themselves. (Self centered, etc)

 

[Marty]

Really, really interesting thread, Casanovelis.

Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to work that way for me. I'm wondering if I just need a few tweaks to my process, or whether it requires a wholesale mindset revision (or is even beyond my potential capability).

Here's how it usually turns out for me.

With a woman who has the "dog" quality and is clearly into me, and is very pretty, I find myself drawn to her because of the "need for care" and impression of dependency that she gives off; this protectiveness pleases her and she plays up the dependency even further, leading me to invest more and more until I myself become hooked and find myself in a long-term liaison which may last from a few months to several years. However, this very poor precedent spawns a terribly imbalanced dominant-submissive relationship, and sooner or later I get fed up with always having to take the lead on absolutely everything with the girl seemingly incapable of making a decision absent my say-so. Eventually I lose the attraction for her that I built up during the initial phase. This typically causes me to break things off leading to severe disappointment and even incomprehension on the girl's part. That's basically the story of every long-term relationship I've had.

The ironic thing about the above scenario is that I am never particularly enamored of the girl in the first place, but become highly invested as she draws me in deeper by her aura of dependency.

By contrast: the girls with the "cat" quality drive me nuts practically from the moment I see them. The fact that she is proud and independent communicates quality in an inimitable and very credible manner, and once I get the slightest hint she's into me, I start going up the wall trying to think of ways to grab her attention. This pleases her (but in a fundamentally different way from how the "dog"–type girl is pleased by my attentive care) and causes her to get even more snooty and full of herself. Naturally, this drives me absolutely wild to the point of practically salivating with desire, such that the "cat"–girl begins to play with me like a mouse or ball of string.

I get profoundly psychologically hooked on this; it's a real addiction to the point where I'm begging for her attention. She continues to dole it out in cruelly rationed quantities and enjoys watching me squirm, while I'm undergoing absolute torture figuring how to win her heart. Eventually, she gets bored of this game and cuts me off, perhaps occasionally resurrecting my interest every few months to reassure herself that she still has me wrapped around her little finger. Thank God, I've never experienced substance addiction of any kind but I imagine that this is an extremely similar feeling.

Any idea how I can fix this? What I'd like to be able to do is consistently get the infinitely more desirable, aloof "cat"–girl without becoming her plaything. Thanks

-Marty

 

[Franco]

Marty,

I think your confusion here (or maybe mine?) is that he isn't referring to what types of women you should go after. He's referring to the way you should run your relationships. If you run your relationships correctly, the woman will fulfill the role of the "dog" in the relationship -- she completely respects you, and every time she sees you, she's ecstatic about it.

However, if you find your woman playing the role of a "cat" in the relationship, then it means you didn't assume a dominant enough position prior to the relationship and, instead, she is using YOU as the dog while she plays the role of the more selfish cat. There are some women who are more independent than others, but overall, the way you run your (long-term) relationships should lean more toward having your woman play the role of the dog, as she'll be (and you'll be) much happier under those circumstances.

- Franco

 

[TheWiseFool]

Well-written and very thought provoking. Gives greater perspective to the idea of women wanting a man with a sense of purpose and independence.

 

[Casanovelis]

Marty,

I think your confusion here (or maybe mine?) is that he isn't referring to what types of women you should go after. He's referring to the way you should run your relationships. If you run your relationships correctly, the woman will fulfill the role of the "dog" in the relationship -- she completely respects you, and every time she sees you, she's ecstatic about it.

However, if you find your woman playing the role of a "cat" in the relationship, then it means you didn't assume a dominant enough position prior to the relationship and, instead, she is using YOU as the dog while she plays the role of the more selfish cat. There are some women who are more independent than others, but overall, the way you run your (long-term) relationships should lean more toward having your woman play the role of the dog, as she'll be (and you'll be) much happier under those circumstances.

- Franco

Exactly.

I am generally a VERY nice guy. This is sometimes detrimental to my relationships with women.

Now I am not talking about being an absolute dick to women, but a man really has to find a good balance.

With a woman who has the "dog" quality and is clearly into me, and is very pretty, I find myself drawn to her because of the "need for care" and impression of dependency that she gives off; this protectiveness pleases her and she plays up the dependency even further, leading me to invest more and more until I myself become hooked and find myself in a long-term liaison which may last from a few months to several years. However, this very poor precedent spawns a terribly imbalanced dominant-submissive relationship, and sooner or later I get fed up with always having to take the lead on absolutely everything with the girl seemingly incapable of making a decision absent my say-so. Eventually I lose the attraction for her that I built up during the initial phase. This typically causes me to break things off leading to severe disappointment and even incomprehension on the girl's part. That's basically the story of every long-term relationship I've had.

The ironic thing about the above scenario is that I am never particularly enamored of the girl in the first place, but become highly invested as she draws me in deeper by her aura of dependency.

I have been here as well. In both cases when you talk about the woman as either being submissive/needy or dominant and pulling you around, there is a problem. You are focused on the woman for whether or not you are happy in the relationship. You should be focused on yourself (interests/career/ambitions.) She will then fall in line and act like the "dog." You will be happier, and she more because of it.

I believe there is an underlaying theme here of power in the relationship as well. Obviously the man needs the power because if she possesses it then all respect and attraction for on her part is lost.

 

[Zoro]

You know what's funny? I found a flip side of this a while ago.

I have always thought of the feminine nature similar to a cat's and masculine to a dog.

The thing is once you've got a cat's attention in a good way, they become very attached to you, although not everyone can do this. Sound like women?
My cats follow me around, greet me when I come home, beg for my attention, come when I call them.

Dogs on the other hand are easy to please. Most dogs will get his kicks from anyone willing to pet him. Sound like a man's sexuality?

I have found other similarities as well, even how comfort is established! lol

- J