Causing Embarassment to a potential

[thejourneyman]

So, lets call this girl A. Shes somewhat involved in the fashion world. We had hooked up twice. Everything is going swell. So she invited me to be her partner to a anniversary of a major fashion magazine. Her friend is an editor in this magazine (important detail). Nothing major happened, the official photographers took a couple of pictures of us together and separate (this detail is important later). The photographer who took it told me they would be up somewhere. So fast forward like 2~3 weeks, I'm just looking around and wondering where the pictures may be. I don't find them online, so I simply write a polite email to the magazine if they have it somewhere.

The next day, this girl A sends me a text expressing incredulity that I actually sent that email. I sense some anger in the mail, and I did have an idea how the fashion world works, so I preemptively apologized if I had made a faux pas. She then sends another text calling me "desperate" and "it is so loserish" to be asking for "just" pictures. She had selected pictures with her editor friend for the magazine and obviously removed any of my pictures from the magazine. Which in itself isnt a big deal, cuz Im just randomly happened to be there, but clearly I have made a significant mistake somehow causing her to lose face since I was this "clueless" friend of hers.

At this point, Im not considering anymore sexual moves since she probably lost all sexual interest after losing social capital (in her eyes). But I want to retain my dignity, so I sent back a text stating I understood her choice, "while I might have been unprofessional, I did not appreciate her name-calling" [verbatim]. She didnt send back a text.

So at this point, we have probably burnt all our bridges, is there any way to salvage any more face/dignity?

 

[Franco]

TJM,

I sense some anger in the mail, and I did have an idea how the fashion world works, so I preemptively apologized if I had made a faux pas.

Your big mistake was here. You apologized to her without knowing what you were apologizing for. In general, I probably wouldn't have pursued the pictures (especially if she's not your girlfriend), but that shouldn't have shaken up the relationship between you two too much. However, apologizing just because she got angry with you was a "weak" mistake.

If she had sent you some angry e-mail, a better response would have been something like this:

"Jenny, I can tell your angry in this e-mail. I am not as familiar with the fashion world as you are; can you please explain to me exactly why you're upset?"

Then, based on her response, you can act accordingly. If she gives you a good, logical explanation for what the problem was, then you can consider apologizing if it seems like you legitimately messed up somewhere and inflicted some damage to her career. If she just goes straight into calling you names without an explanation, then you can proceed with something like the following:

"I don't appreciate your tone. You're calling me names without explaining what the problem is; it's rude and inconsiderate. If you're expecting an apology without explaining what I should apologize for, then you're not going to get one."

Never, EVER pre-emptively apologize to a woman before you know exactly what you are apologizing for (and even then, you need to be absolutely sure you were in the wrong; sometimes girls blow up over things that are trivial, and you shouldn't apologize for those things).

Your best bet here is probably just to not flare things up and see if she contacts you later. She might even apologize if she feels like she went overboard.

- Franco

 

[thejourneyman]

Cool thanks i came to the same conclusion. So we havent texted for the entire week, theres a good chance im in the perma friend zone now. Would it be advisable to do a hard reset and text her after like 2~3 weeks?