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Over in General, Thinking Enigma was asking a question about dealing with a tough question (in this case, religion) where no matter how he answers it's no-win. A similar one to this is age; political affiliations are another. There's a way around these sorts of questions though, if you get asked them often or anticipate them being a problem; I call it "challenge screening." My original response to TE is here: Re: Overcoming religious differences with girls
Challenge screening works like this:
One example is age. If you're younger or older and you normally get screened on aging and it's a problem, you can use challenge screening like this:
If she likes you, she's now forced to defend her position. Two ways this can sometimes work against you:
... so gauge it based on your read of her. Obviously, if she doesn't play ball because she isn't interested, that's fine; you're still better off than giving her the chance to dismiss you, at least you come out looking somewhat stronger than if she asked you first and said, "Oh, you're really old." If she seems a little meek though, still ask her first, but don't make as big a deal of her answer.
(obviously, plan your responses accordingly; women are sensitive about being older, so don't poke fun at her about that; but poking fun at a girl for being young is fine. Don't poke fun at girls for being tall, as they're often insecure about that; but teasing them a little about being little is often fine because the smaller ones are also fiery ones and they'll usually bite back and get into some fun banter with you)
You can use this for anything you anticipate getting grilled on. When we were hiring for an executive position in a startup I was running about a year ago, we had some pretty experienced mid-50s candidates applying with storied careers and high salary demands. Challenge screening was how I turned our weaknesses to strengths. So instead of the guy asking how much we could pay and then making his salary demands, and then asking how big we were and acting like we were small time to increase his bargaining power, a friend reminded me of challenge screening, and I flipped it and candidates I was interviewing those questions myself instead:
It's interesting to see people's reactions when you challenge screen. They almost never see it coming, and it very firmly entrenches you in the leadership position in the interaction very quickly.
Chase
Challenge screening works like this:
- You take something that's normally a weakness or an interaction killer when you're asked it
- In any situation you anticipate being asked it, you make yourself the aggressor - you ask it first
- You then position as though you're assessing whether the other person will be able to get past this difficulty or not
One example is age. If you're younger or older and you normally get screened on aging and it's a problem, you can use challenge screening like this:
- You: How old are you?
Her: Umm... what do you think?
You: I don't know, 23?
Her: Nope... want to try again?
You: I give up. What is it?
Her: I'm 21.
You: No way! [laughs] You're a baby!
Her: I am not! How old are YOU?
You: I'm 30. I could, like, be your father.
If she likes you, she's now forced to defend her position. Two ways this can sometimes work against you:
- If she isn't interested, she won't play ball
- If she feels like you're out of her league already, this can make you more unattainable and drive her into auto-rejection
... so gauge it based on your read of her. Obviously, if she doesn't play ball because she isn't interested, that's fine; you're still better off than giving her the chance to dismiss you, at least you come out looking somewhat stronger than if she asked you first and said, "Oh, you're really old." If she seems a little meek though, still ask her first, but don't make as big a deal of her answer.
(obviously, plan your responses accordingly; women are sensitive about being older, so don't poke fun at her about that; but poking fun at a girl for being young is fine. Don't poke fun at girls for being tall, as they're often insecure about that; but teasing them a little about being little is often fine because the smaller ones are also fiery ones and they'll usually bite back and get into some fun banter with you)
You can use this for anything you anticipate getting grilled on. When we were hiring for an executive position in a startup I was running about a year ago, we had some pretty experienced mid-50s candidates applying with storied careers and high salary demands. Challenge screening was how I turned our weaknesses to strengths. So instead of the guy asking how much we could pay and then making his salary demands, and then asking how big we were and acting like we were small time to increase his bargaining power, a friend reminded me of challenge screening, and I flipped it and candidates I was interviewing those questions myself instead:
- Me: You have a very impressive background, but your experience looks to be mostly in the corporate world. Do you have any experience dealing with things in a lean startup business, where budgets are tight, payrolls are thin, and there are no business class plane rides or cushy corporate expense accounts?
Me: You seem like a motivated guy, but I'm concerned we wouldn't be able to offer you the kind of compensation you're accustomed to having at a startup like this that's still new and getting on its feet. What kind of compensation did you have in mind when you applied, and what are your expectations like?
It's interesting to see people's reactions when you challenge screen. They almost never see it coming, and it very firmly entrenches you in the leadership position in the interaction very quickly.
Chase
