- Joined
- Jan 2, 2015
- Messages
- 1,107
A lot of people look at emotions in categories of black and white. Positive emotions (i.e. emotions which make you "feel good") are to be sought after. And negative emotions (i.e. emotions which make you "feel bad') are to be avoided.
I think that as a general rule of thumb, this is a good strategy. I certainly wouldn't advocate going out of our way to make ourselves miserable.
However...I'd like to point something out. Negative emotions are, if cognitively interpreted correctly, very useful motivational tools for positive change. There are many examples throughout history of people who needed to hit rock bottom before they finally found the strength and willpower to create change in their lives. Without experiencing the powerful negative emotions, they would have been stuck in mediocrity. Because they're comfortable enough with where they are, that making the effort to change is not worth it.
A personal example from my life...I was a virgin until I was 20. One day, I decided I'd had it. I vowed to myself that I would do whatever it takes to get better with women and to improve my dating life and become as good as I am now. Had I been a normal guy who manages to find a girlfriend/get laid every once in a while, there's no way I would have been motivated enough to go through the painful changes necessary to improve in this area of life. I probably would have been mediocre (read: really bad) my entire life. So even though the emotion didn't feel good, it's what lead me down this path of self-improvement, which in turn, made me better than I would have been had I not experienced the painful emotions in the first place. This was an example of me harnessing my pain. I felt a negative emotion, then used it to create positive change which might not have otherwise been possible.
This same theme was prevalent for a few years after. Every rejection stung like a bitch. Every failed date felt like a sucker punch to my ego. But it was also motivating. Because the pain was strong enough that I would do whatever it takes to get away from it. The pain of changing is not bad as the pain of being the way I was. This is the power of negative emotions. The only time negative emotions will truly stunt you is if you allow them to hurt you enough that they break you. If you give up or avoid them via an escape (e.g. drugs/alcohol or repression/ignoring them), you'll be left to wallow in your own misery. The good news is, this is a choice. You have no choice but to feel the emotions. But you can always choose to carry on regardless.
So for all of you guys still cutting your teeth out. Just remember, if you're in pain now, it's okay. Just remember to use it. And perhaps even be thankful that it's there. Because it has the potential to take you to heights you may never have otherwise achieved. But it can just easily consume you. The choice is yours.
I think that as a general rule of thumb, this is a good strategy. I certainly wouldn't advocate going out of our way to make ourselves miserable.
However...I'd like to point something out. Negative emotions are, if cognitively interpreted correctly, very useful motivational tools for positive change. There are many examples throughout history of people who needed to hit rock bottom before they finally found the strength and willpower to create change in their lives. Without experiencing the powerful negative emotions, they would have been stuck in mediocrity. Because they're comfortable enough with where they are, that making the effort to change is not worth it.
A personal example from my life...I was a virgin until I was 20. One day, I decided I'd had it. I vowed to myself that I would do whatever it takes to get better with women and to improve my dating life and become as good as I am now. Had I been a normal guy who manages to find a girlfriend/get laid every once in a while, there's no way I would have been motivated enough to go through the painful changes necessary to improve in this area of life. I probably would have been mediocre (read: really bad) my entire life. So even though the emotion didn't feel good, it's what lead me down this path of self-improvement, which in turn, made me better than I would have been had I not experienced the painful emotions in the first place. This was an example of me harnessing my pain. I felt a negative emotion, then used it to create positive change which might not have otherwise been possible.
This same theme was prevalent for a few years after. Every rejection stung like a bitch. Every failed date felt like a sucker punch to my ego. But it was also motivating. Because the pain was strong enough that I would do whatever it takes to get away from it. The pain of changing is not bad as the pain of being the way I was. This is the power of negative emotions. The only time negative emotions will truly stunt you is if you allow them to hurt you enough that they break you. If you give up or avoid them via an escape (e.g. drugs/alcohol or repression/ignoring them), you'll be left to wallow in your own misery. The good news is, this is a choice. You have no choice but to feel the emotions. But you can always choose to carry on regardless.
So for all of you guys still cutting your teeth out. Just remember, if you're in pain now, it's okay. Just remember to use it. And perhaps even be thankful that it's there. Because it has the potential to take you to heights you may never have otherwise achieved. But it can just easily consume you. The choice is yours.
