Chase's: return to being "Ex-Boyfriend in the picture"

[girlsfollow]

any thoughts? would really appreciate any input

I Chase's article on ex-boyfriends in the picture and it really rung true for me - as you said I don't think you ever really 100% stop loving someone (and I know for a fact she REALLY loved me at one point wanted to marry me and knew I was the one) and just as you said if you argued a lot it leaves a deeper emotional connection there. The fighting was mostly down to my inexperience with managing relationships at the time and having other priorities.

So I am interested in becoming the ex that is in the picture again, I know its possible because last time after having not talked for 3 months very soon after we first met we had good sex. She also broke down once and cried and told me she was so sorry for everything but the morning after we had sex I ruined it by saying I didn't want to just be friends with her- I know there would have been a good chance there if I hadn't acted like a moron - but that was a year ago and I have changed more than ever so that is the opposite of what would happen now.

Problem is the last time I sent her a text after I got back from travelling it wasn't particularly interesting and just said I'd just got back and would be good to hear what had gone on in the time I had been away (we had been texting occasionally before then, with her initiating plenty of times). She replied asking who it was and when I sent her my name she didn't reply I think at the time she had been in a short term relationship which might explain that....

So its been more than two months since then and I am quite sure now is a good time to make contact:

I have 2 girls I am regularly seeing and closing
I have another which would like a relationship with me
I can pretty much have sex whenever I want
I have an amazing apartment which is close to her - the logistics are good for things potentially working - they are unlikely to be this good again....

So I could:

1 call her
2. text her (do not plan to do this again after the ignored text)
3. call her with my new flat number so she doesn't have a chance to ignore me - I feel I could make a better impression over the phone than over text - it seems more sprezzatura to me since I've texted before

 

[Landlord]

Sprezzatura...nice word.
Had to look it up.
Gentlemen, we have an intellectual in our midst! ;>)

I like your idea to call her from the new flat.
She'll ask about the number...gives you a chance to say "oh yeah, I just moved to an amazing new place...it's blah blah blah, near to blah blah.
You should come 'round for a drink sometime and see it."

 

[IrishConrad]

I am also caught between being the 'ex-boyfriend' in the picture or just cutting contact completely.

I have cycled through this before and after my ex girlfriend left to travel she immediately got in contact with me again.

Before you think too much into what will happen if you contact her I would just keep it simple,and arrange to meet with her.

It worked for me again. But that also led for me to start wondering if I should be back with her and I probably put too much emotional investment into her, especially after sleeping with her again.

Is the sex that much more amazing with your ex that the other girls just aren't cutting it? That is what I am struggling with, to the point where I now fantasize about my ex when I am with other girls.

 

[girlsfollow]

Landlord appreciate input, see below, IrishConrad,

I am also caught between being the 'ex-boyfriend' in the picture or just cutting contact completely.

I have cycled through this before and after my ex girlfriend left to travel she immediately got in contact with me again.

Before you think too much into what will happen if you contact her I would just keep it simple,and arrange to meet with her.

It worked for me again. But that also led for me to start wondering if I should be back with her and I probably put too much emotional investment into her, especially after sleeping with her again.

Is the sex that much more amazing with your ex that the other girls just aren't cutting it? That is what I am struggling with, to the point where I now fantasize about my ex when I am with other girls.

Yes thats exactly how it is - these girls are all either less attractive and as enthusiastic or about the same attractiveness as her but not as sexy/sexual so they are just boring in comparison - I don't fantasise about her at all though - I have been tempted to but I know its putting her on a pedestal which will just hurt any chances so I have intentionally removed her from my mind - but you saying that just reminds me of the truth (that about half a year/a year into the LTR till about 2 years into it was the best ever)... I have also refused to get too emotionally invested in her - made easier by the fact its been more than a year since we were together and she appears to be in an on/off relationship with someone else now and is therefore totally ignoring any attempt at contact since that started...

I plan to limit contact and just bide my time - I know there will be a chance in the future - I just need to be perfectly prepared for when it comes....thats my motivation

She was also in contact with me as her "back pocket" ex before she started with this guy...not sure how long to wait now. I tried calling her with my new house phone recently and she picked up (sounded like she was in bed) and then hung up when she worked out it was me - I'm guessing this is the new guy so I just need to wait for that to taper out......

I like your idea to call her from the new flat.
She'll ask about the number...gives you a chance to say "oh yeah, I just moved to an amazing new place...it's blah blah blah, near to blah blah.
You should come 'round for a drink sometime and see it."

this is how it went:
I called her from my new house phone and she didn't pick up - then she called back sounding sleepy/in bed "who is this?" I said "Hey its GF" in an upbeat calm and well paced voice, then she just hung up... I thought I'd treat it as if it was a friend that had lost connection - so I called back, let it ring, no answer. I sent a text saying I had just got a new phone was trying it out and that she should tell me whats new....that was the last contact I made - about 2 weeks ago now - I now realise she is back together with the guy she was with before - likely reason...(since she was texting me before xmas and nothing has changed since)

 

[Landlord]

She flat out hung up on you?!

That's just rude and cowardly. For all the "douch-ey" things women accuse men of doing (which I am getting better at, thanks to you lot),
women take the cake when it comes to being spineless.

I mean here's a girl that you had a relationship with, shared intimacy and an important part of your lives together, and she can't even treat you with the same common decency that she would afford a stranger on the street?! Add to that she was texting you as normal before XMas and then behaved like that.....NO respect for that woman, sorry man.
She's not worth the squirt you fantasized about giving her.

We've all been through heartbreak and loss and indecision (I'd like to say at 42 and divorced, I've got most of you beat here), but at some point you just have to get comfortable making a distinction between what you WANT and what you KNOW is good for you.

GF, not sure why you asked my comment, if I'm hitting the right note or not...but It pisses ME off that she reacted like that to you. That's stone cold and totally unnecessary. Move the fuck on, brother. Find your mojo, and you will find MUCH hotter and BETTER girls than that child.

 

[girlsfollow]

She flat out hung up on you?!

That's just rude and cowardly. For all the "douch-ey" things women accuse men of doing (which I am getting better at, thanks to you lot),
women take the cake when it comes to being spineless.

I mean here's a girl that you had a relationship with, shared intimacy and an important part of your lives together, and she can't even treat you with the same common decency that she would afford a stranger on the street?! Add to that she was texting you as normal before XMas and then behaved like that.....NO respect for that woman, sorry man.
She's not worth the squirt you fantasized about giving her.

We've all been through heartbreak and loss and indecision (I'd like to say at 42 and divorced, I've got most of you beat here), but at some point you just have to get comfortable making a distinction between what you WANT and what you KNOW is good for you.

GF, not sure why you asked my comment, if I'm hitting the right note or not...but It pisses ME off that she reacted like that to you. That's stone cold and totally unnecessary. Move the fuck on, brother. Find your mojo, and you will find MUCH hotter and BETTER girls than that child.

I have bro - I'm seeing two other girls atm and have totally changed sine the BU, thats actually why I gave it a shot because I know I am optimally placed right now with abundance. For this reason it didn't bother me at all - I just thought it was RUDE - like you say - if someone that you spent literally half your waking and sleeping life with for 2 years and had sex with more than anyone else on the planet calls you would at least expect to be treated like a stranger on the street..... although I called at 4 in the afternoon I get the feeling she may have been in bed with the other guy in which case I can understand - based on the previous reasons, why she would hang up. In a way its a good sign that she (or maybe even HE) sees me as a big enough threat still to act this way even after a year and a half - I think it shows there is something still there - it isn't cold neutrality. I think if I just lay off again till I get back from my next travels and get back to her in 2-3 months maybe I will catch her at a better time.

On a side note - her mum called me out of the blue about a month ago and wanted to see how I was doing (very odd since her mum really was my worst enemy at the end of the LTR - she's probably big part of the reason we broke up). I think it might have been a recon mission and she just wanted to see whether it would be worth pushing her daughter towards me again...