Chasing that one girl, but different

[evitrea]

This is not a classic "chase". I have known this women for two years. I made it clear at the outset that I was into her. I have tried to physically escalate many times. I verbally challenged her - "If you say no way, I will leave you alone".........(her) "I'm not going to say that".

OK guys, here is the background. She is a bartender. We had a spark and chemistry from the start. Back when I first met her, I had rough, confrontational social skills, especially when drinking. And that is the issue. She is a bartender, and me - a wannabe boyfriend - drinking all night so "I can bask in her presence". A complete F up, yet even today I sense she gets excited when I show up, we are non-stop talking, I always use touch, and we leave together and split a cab. She has an ex-boyfriend she married for, ughhmm - documentation purposes....he seems to be around her place every time I try to weasel in. She swears they don't sleep together.

I am truly into her as a person and sex partner.

So....any advice? My advice to myself is to show up and leave sober, and show value. Repeatedly.

BTW - She is The Modern Women according to Pandora classifications.

 

[Drck]

You are in an orbital. She makes you feel good, she is happy when you are around (Well, at least she is talking to you), so you always think that you have chances with her - if only she dumped that guy already, who she married BTW for documentation purposes only... Hm...

She could sleep with you easily but he is all the time around, at her place (!!), so she is not... Hm, hm, such a poor girl...

"I am truly into her as a person and sex partner"
>>>> That is great. But is she into you? Does she like your personality more than other guys? More than her husband? Did she sleep with you in the past, ehm, 2 years? Nope. You are into her while she is banging her husband...

"We had a spark and chemistry from the start"
>>>> Well, perhaps you had, but maybe she didn't. And if she did it is most likely looong looong gone...


Dude, move on, she absolutely has no interest in you. You are orbiting and orbiting for 2 years, she will sleep with you only if gets really really tired, you are begging to be her BF. Not good...

 

[Lover]

I can definitely relate to that. I had a similar experience with "that one girl". When you're chasing, it feels sooooooo good. You WANT TO work for getting this girl, no matter the cost. For some fucked up reason, she's a special case. When you're with her, you feel like all the effort is worth it and eventually the hard work will pay off.

But the truth is, it's never going anywhere. Yeah, she gets excited when she sees you, but a girl like her likes to have you around and just talk with you (she did for the last two years), but that's the only thing she might like. She could also be polite for whatever reasons.

My man, you deserve better! Go out and meet new girls in a different venue!

- a-jay

 

[Drck]

I should add, there are many things against you:

- she is at work, you are basically paying to see her, so she has to be nice to you because you are a customer. If she weren't at work she would disappear from your life, you would never see her again

- We are not talking about two weeks or two months.... But two years...you spent two years of your life on this girl. You missed lots of opportunities with other girls, you could and should be dating a new girl every two weeks...

- Attraction has expiration date (read the article on main GC site). She is not attracted to you for already a long time

- She did nothing to make this relationship work. As a matter of fact, I bet she was talking about you and her as being friends, most likely multiple times already. Friends share e.g. Taxi, but not bed. When a girl mentions being friends to the guy, she is basically waving huge Red Flag in front of his eyes saying "I am not interested in romantic relationship with you".

- She is taken, she is married, and she most likely bangs that guy no matter what she says. She might be bored, true, but she can always "escape" easily to her husband, she can always use him as a shield against you. And once she'll do it you will only look like a fool, going after taken woman... For the same reason, chances are that she feels sorry for you. She goes home, banging her husband and knowing there is a guy out there thinking about her all the time...

- You are after her two years... She knows you don't have other woman in your life, in her eyes you have a low value, just because of that... A guy who bangs lots of women doesn't have time to go after one girl, which - from point of view of a girl - makes him very attractive

As a-jay7 correctly mentioned, she is not special. She appears special to you because you spent so much time on her, you think about her nonstop, but in reality she is just a girl. Cute, silly, sweet and sexy - but already taken...

So again, move on, life is too short, there are many other girls. You could start dating girls right in front of her, new girl every week, but why do it, you will only hurt her or piss her off for absolutely no reason...

 

[evitrea]

Thanks for the replies. That's what I expected to hear. Not that I wanted to hear it, but that appears to be reality. My mistake, mentioned here many times - pay attention to her actions, not her words. Her words have been occasionally encouraging, her actions have never been.

 

[D_Smooth1900]

Drck makes a point the signs are truly there. The only way for you to ever have a chance with this girl is to move on. You move on and a find a girl as pretty as her bring her to the bar and show her a great time and make sure you lay her that night. This girl you been chasing will see you much different from before as a man with value and she'll become attracted to you. But you have to get over her first which is the hardest part, stay on girlschase and keep reading up and you should be good, good luck.

 

[ILoveElla]

OK guys, here is the background. She is a bartender. We had a spark and chemistry from the start. Back when I first met her, I had rough, confrontational social skills, especially when drinking. And that is the issue. She is a bartender, and me - a wannabe boyfriend - drinking all night so "I can bask in her presence". A complete F up, yet even today I sense she gets excited when I show up, we are non-stop talking, I always use touch, and we leave together and split a cab. She has an ex-boyfriend she married for, ughhmm - documentation purposes....he seems to be around her place every time I try to weasel in. She swears they don't sleep together.

Interesting to think that she was willing to try and even bother trying to justify herself to you by convincing you that she doesn't sleep with her husband!? She must trust you a lot, to tell you about her husband, giving that you could probably report her.

But yeah, why would she like you. It seems as if you've done nothing but prove that you're an alcoholic!

And how do you get the chance to touch her if she's behind the bar?