Openers Cheek Kiss + Hand Hold on Opener (2010)

[Chase]

Originally posted in the first Girls Chase Forum on Saturday, 18 September 2010

Forget if I posted this before... probably have talked about it in passing, but don't think I devoted an actual post to it. Correct me if I'm wrong, I'm having a hard time keeping everything sorted out these days.

Really fun way on getting the ball rolling fast and getting girls excited about you off the opener.

Learned to use cheek kisses on opening a few years back from Seb -- after you open, as you introduce yourself, take your girl's hand with one of your hands, and place the other hand on her shoulder. Pull her in gently with both hands (one behind her shoulder, one holding her hand) and put your cheek against her cheek, then change to the other side. You'll see an instant spike in attraction from roughly about 98.4% of women... you're acting very confident, very sexy, and getting investment (when she leans in and does the cheek kiss with you), all in one fell swoop. It's good.

I more recently (maybe five or six months back) added another part to this: after the cheek-to-cheek kiss on opening / name-exchanging, I'd keep her hand in my hand and let it linger as I continued on into normal conversation and maintained eye contact. What I noticed was that most women would keep their hand in mine, and would get a much bigger smile as they talked to me holding my hand than the ones whose hand I let go and proceeded as normal with. Same deal each time, only difference is you keep holding your girl's hand, and you'll notice the smiles of the girls whose hands you continue holding are much broader and their eyes are more lively and excited.

I'll typically transition from here to heavier kino, like putting my hand on a girl's waist or on the small of her back (depending on what's within reach and natural for me to touch). Sometimes things will sexualize extremely rapidly right off the bat with all this extra touch, and girls will get aggressive. This does NOT happen without all the initial physicality.

This works great with all kinds of women, and is something I highly recommend. It gets a very intimate, very sexual vibe rolling quite quickly, and gets you started off on the right foot.

Group note: if I'm meeting more than one girl, I'll typically only cheek-kiss the one I like. I've seen other guys cheek-kiss every girl; matter of personal preference. I want to be friendly with all, but also make it clear to all the women where my interest lies, so I don't have different girls competing for me and end up in a situation where a more dominant girl sidelines the girl I actually want so she can have a shot at me instead. So you can use targeted cheek kissing to communicate your preference.

Chase

 

[trashKENNUT]

Hi,

have a thought here, you might want to have a second thought on conservative women. maybe to take notice of it maybe? you don't want a women feeling uncomfortable, depends on culture differences.

btw, in social circles, i assume you don't recommend this, due to discretion.

Your thoughts?

Zac,

 

[trashKENNUT]

i originally smile and put one of my hands on her hips. She kind of smile bigger. It was an unconscious act, but it works somewhat.

 

[nino]

Yeah I made good experience myself doing that. Well, I usually go for the hips but will try holding her hand next time. When being introduced, I automatically feel so much more confident already. Although I'm not quite sure if I would have to guts to make it that clear I like a certain girl by cheek kissing only her

 

[Chase]

Hey Zac,

Hi,

have a thought here, you might want to have a second thought on conservative women. maybe to take notice of it maybe? you don't want a women feeling uncomfortable, depends on culture differences.

btw, in social circles, i assume you don't recommend this, due to discretion.

Your thoughts?

Zac,

Try it out. It's not as insane as it seems like it sounds to you on the boards! I've used this with all manner of women - women in social circle, women from pretty conservative countries, and more. Usually the most surprised reaction you'll get is, "You must be European!"

It's a great way to break the personal space barrier with new women, and snap them out of autopilot.

Not to mention, of course... that it's a lot of fun

Chase

 

[trashKENNUT]

It's a great way to break the personal space barrier with new women, and snap them out of autopilot.

Not to mention, of course... that it's a lot of fun

IF U SAY THAT, LET's GO, I'm outta here. XD

 

[Anonymous]

I've never considered doing something like this. I grew up in a town that is very prominantly Portuguese, so a lot of people cheek kiss because its cultural, but I've always felt uncomfortable that maybe if I do it, especially to a person who I am just meeting, they would take it offensively, or think that I'm a creep.

~Ethan

 

[Shotgun Vinny]

I've heard of other guys having success with this opener, also. I'm kind of with Ethan on this one, though. I think I would be too self-conscious about being viewed as a creeper. Chase, have you ever had any negative results with this opener?

 

[vitusd1]

Well, come to think of it, I am currently living in Mumbai(India), and I notice boys getting slapped all over when they try to kiss a girl on first meet. Yeah, this method will work in European and American countries but not here in India.

 

[Franco]

Hey Shotgun Vinny,

I'm kind of with Ethan on this one, though. I think I would be too self-conscious about being viewed as a creeper.

If you want my honest opinion, I'm actually not a huge fan of this opener. The reason being is that this opener tends to make you come across more as "charming" rather than "sexy," and charming adds more points to the "boyfriend" scoreboard than it does the "lover" scoreboard. In other words, it's almost more of a "reaction rather than results" type of situation.

Another issue with this opener is that you have to come across as extremely confident, smooth, and socially savvy to pull it off. It is definitely an advanced technique. The best way to follow something up like this is to stare her directly in the eyes (seductively) for a brief moment right after pulling away from the kiss and then carving up a short, sexy smile. This is usually a great opportunity to then pull away entirely and go introduce yourself to her friends or someone else. It builds quite a bit of intrigue from a woman.

The only way you would come across as a creeper is if you are not fully confident in yourself when you go for the kiss. Most men will try to "gauge her reaction" right after landing the kiss, and this comes across as "try-hard" and "awkward." This is why I do not recommend it to anyone who doesn't feel completely comfortable doing it.

One great use of this technique though is for pre-selection. Kissing a girl on the cheek and then having her look at you, smile, and blush can really turn the heads of some of the other ladies in the room who happen to catch wind of it.

- Franco

 

[A Life Loquacious]

I've tried only cheek-kissing the ones I like but then there's usually one girl who's all like "where's mine then?", haha!

 

[Chase]

@ Vinny,

I think I would be too self-conscious about being viewed as a creeper. Chase, have you ever had any negative results with this opener?

I haven't, though you may have to do it 10 or 12 times to get it down just right without it being awkward.

You will sometimes get girls who are surprised, or stunned, or taken aback a bit... but interpret that as you will. For me, it tends to mean she's been yanked out of autopilot and is now snapped to attention, which is what I want.

@ Franco,

If you want my honest opinion, I'm actually not a huge fan of this opener. The reason being is that this opener tends to make you come across more as "charming" rather than "sexy," and charming adds more points to the "boyfriend" scoreboard than it does the "lover" scoreboard. In other words, it's almost more of a "reaction rather than results" type of situation.

This is an interesting take. These days, I generally only use this one in certain situations these days where I want a stronger reaction out of the gates - typically one where I'm being introduced to girls in a group and I want to communicate my interest to one of them in particular right away to everyone present in a situation where it's normally going to be difficult to pull. If I'm confident I can get her alone without such dramatics I'll tend to forego this, but if I think it'll be tough to maneuver this one helps to sometimes get the girl taking action earlier and being more aggressive.

You can "wake up" women's aggressiveness with cheek kisses sometimes. I've had girls who were nearing the point of auto-rejection with me whom I kissed on the cheek, who then started kissing ME on the cheek, and I couldn't handle logistics fast enough after that. And I've had girls I've opened with this who immediately began chasing.

But, there are times this doesn't work as well, either, though predominantly only with women who are a little more aloof or reserved (or not interested in you) in general.

Generally speaking, when you have something like this that can swing as wildly in either direction (get girls chasing you crazily, or turn them off completely) it's better to save it for situations you think you otherwise don't have much to go off of in.

Chase

 

[Anonymous]

Will definitely have to try this at least a few times. I agree the effectiveness will come down to the cultural and social awareness on the girls part. I can see this working on latin and European women generally speaking, as they seem to respond very well to heavy kino escalation. Holding her hand while interacting shows confidence and boldness like no other, I have found women almost want to be touched and held when approached. They perk up and there eyes lighten up like saying oh that's better! In a more energetic environment I will hug and lightly pickup a girl and through reading Chases blog will move her that way and always touching or holding her (whats the worst that can happen). Probably biggest breakthrough on my game so far.

 

[kneek0]

Hey guys,
I have used the cheek kiss many times, as it is a common gesture for saying hello when I visit friends and family in South America.
Back in the States, I tend to cheek kiss women I meet who are hispanic, as they are accustomed to this as well. I haven't noticed upped attraction, but at the same time I wasn't trying to observe or investigate for the matter. I will try it the next girl I approach.
Quick question. Have any of you tried gently kissing her hand, then staring into her eyes sexually. I just remembered I used this at a bar a few months ago, and I noticed she was more attracted to me because of it. I ended up chatting her for a while and getting her number. Pulled it off pretty suave.

 

[A Life Loquacious]

Actually in France, if you don't cheek kiss on meeting women in a social context it's considered rude/stand-offish. If you're introduced to a social circle, it's handshakes to all the men and cheek kisses for all the women (although it can also be more of an 'air kiss' too if the social link is tenuous). There are also regional variations, generally the further south you go, and the better you know someone, the more kisses are involved. For instance, the Northerners tend to stick to one kiss each cheek, whereas in the South, four kisses (left, right, left, right) is considered fairly normal! There's even a 3-kiss routine if you've already seen someone that day, for example at work but you are now out drinking for the evening.

I've spent quite a lot of time in France and got used to cheek-kissing women as a matter of course, so I do it like it's second nature anyway now when I meet people, it's funny to me that a lot of people here find it exotic or outlandish. It is always awkward when you're used to a 2-kiss minimum and the kiss-ee has withdrawn themselves while you're busy lunging in for number two!

I found quite a good article about the French cheek kissing phenomenon here

French Unsure When to Turn the Other Cheek
Adam Sage & Joe Joseph - timesonline UK


A survey aimed at determining the correct etiquette of kissing has found a fracture at the heart of the country.
How many kisses to plant on the cheeks? It is a conundrum shared by the socially timid and extrovert alike: whether to plump for a brusque one-cheek brush or to dive in for multiples and risk appearing embarrassingly overenthusiastic. Nowhere is the puzzle more complex than in France, the country most famed for the practice. Now, far from settling the matter, a survey aimed at determining the correct etiquette of kissing has only illustrated a fracture at the heart of the country.

This may be welcome news to the British, many of whom still regard the looming approach of a proffered cheek as a social minefield. Having adopted the French habit of kissing far beyond the family circle, the British often find themselves at sea when it comes to knowing where and when to kiss, how many times, and which cheek to peck first.
In France, not only does the number of kisses vary from one to four depending on the region, but it also varies within regions. City centres and their peripheries, urban and rural communities and different social classes are all divided over how many kisses to give.

“It is very complex,” said Constance Rietzler, director of La Belle École in Paris, which provides lessons on French art de vivre. “There is a lot of confusion over this.”
Gilles Debunne, a computer expert, hoped to resolve the conundrum when he launched a website, Combien de Bises (How Many Kisses), this year. “I was curious to find out what the reality was,” he said.He had hoped to end the embarrassment that arises when trying to give three or four kisses to someone who turns their head away after just two. (While the British opt for fewer kisses, many is the one-cheek kisser who has been left gawping as a double-cheeker lunges at them a second time.) Mr Debunne invited internet users to vote on what they considered to be the appropriate number of kisses for a greeting in their département. More than 18,000 votes have been registered and the picture of a divided nation is emerging.

In Paris and central France, most people give two kisses – one on each cheek. But a swath of northern France, from Normandy to the Belgian border, opted in general for four. And southeastern France, from Marseilles to the Alps, preferred three. Two départements – Finistère in Brittany and DeuxSèvres in the centre – give a meagre one. But within each region, there were deep divisions. About half the voters in and around Calais, for example, said that they gave “deux bises” while the other half said that they gave “quatre”. In the Vienne département in central France, the confusion was even greater, with voters plumping in almost equal numbers for two, three and four kisses.

“It’s a lot more subtle than I ever imagined,” said Mr Debunne. “Sometimes the number of kisses changes depending on whether you’re seeing friends or family or what generation you belong to.”

Class distinctions also came into play. Mrs Rietzler said that the French upper classes preferred two kisses. Anyone planting three or more smackers on the cheeks of their host at a refined dinner would be committing a faux pas, she said. But to whom should you faire la bise and in what circumstances? Mrs Rietzler said: “In general, the French kiss friends who are the same generation as them and family members.” She said that women could kiss each other and could kiss men as well. But men kissed each other only if they were very close friends or relations.

“If you are invited to a dinner party with people you don’t know, you’ll shake their hands when you arrive. At the end of the evening, you might kiss them but it’s probably better to hold out your hand and see what happens.”

Safe enough advice for those on both sides of the Channel.

Kissing cousins; how they do it across Europe:

• The Netherlands begin and end on the same cheek. Three kisses are expected, but if greeting an elderly or close family member add a few more. Right cheek first
• Italy kissing is restricted to very close friends or family. The number is optional and as there are no rules on which cheek to kiss first, there are frequent clashes
• Belgium If the same age as the other person, one kiss is the rule. For someone ten years older, three is a mark of respect. This is hazardous if you are bad at judging ages
• Spain, Austria and Scandinavia All are content with the two kisses ritual. In Spain the rule is strictly right cheek first
• Germany tends to restrict kissing to family and very close friends. Handshakes predominate and all meetings begin and end with this formality

 

[Rasta]

Amazing!

I'm actually French, and I can confirm what A Life Loquacious said. When I moved to the US though, I quickly stopped cheek-kissing because most people found it very awkward. I definitely need to go back to it and give this a shot

They'll ask me if I'm European, and I'll make them guess from where.

Once they figure it out, it'll probably up my success rate by 80%. You'd be surprised how many American chicks I've made out with just b/c they wanted to find out if French guys really do kiss differently... Eh, I don't mind

 

[myshkinrush]

When you cheek kiss, is it an actual kiss on the cheeks or is it an air kiss? I'm reading it could be both, which one is being suggested here?

 

[Chase]

Myshkin-

When you cheek kiss, is it an actual kiss on the cheeks or is it an air kiss? I'm reading it could be both, which one is being suggested here?

Whatever you feel more comfortable with. My long-time preference: mostly air kiss, but cheek touching her cheek, and lips partly kissing her cheek.

Chase

 

[HalfGuard]

In my culture is very common to cheek kiss women when you greet them but all everyone just touch cheek with their cheek and make a kiss sound , what I´ve always done to stand out is to actually kiss her cheek while lightly hugging her and girls seem to like that , what I liked from this post is the hand grabbing and no letting go part so I will give it a try.

 

[johnydones]

Here in Serbia (eastern Europe) people tend to cheek kiss with their friends once and three times on formal occasions (family saint etc, new years eve etc..). That is a sign of friendship in social circles.

But, in clubs and nightlife in general it works very well , since refusing a cheek kiss would not be very social of you. But here is the thing i noticed. when kissing a friend , its just a peck in the cheek and when you kiss some girl you like , i tend to make it just a bit longer then usual , more gentle as well. I am a complete beginner but the first night i started using things i learned here i was cheek kissing every girl in that club and it is very good for preselection as Franco mentioned. I was amazed when few girls approached me that night.

Holding hand after cheek kiss while making EC will make the girl totally forget about hand holding . One girl told me after like 5 minutes , why are we holding hands ,i just met you.. with big smile on her face.

Again as some of you guys mentioned , a complete confidence is needed to pull it off , pull her like you would a friend (would not be polite of her to refuse) and kiss like you would kiss a girl you like.


-John