FR Christmas eve, immense frustration

[Egor]

Yesterday, the day before Christmas eve, I went out to a dive bar for a Pizza. It was overall target poor, with a lot of rowdy men and boys. I did find one seat at the bar, and I poked the girl next to it and asked if anyone was sitting there, which she replied no. I sat down and before I could get my bearings in the bar and start to talk to her, she was paying her tab and leaving. So that was that. Some other positive social interactions that night, including a cold approach but I came home early.

I am in my apartment, and my roommate comes home early, and he is asking me about where to take a girl. Kind of surprised, I quiz him about where he met the girl- from an app, Bumble. I am on bumble passively, but matches are very few and far between. I don't swipe I just have my picture and a couple lines 'in the water' and sometimes I get a look. I think to myself, how much effort I have put in making cold approaches and reading theory and this kid gets a date just like that.

Today, Christmas eve, I have to shop. My mom has been telling me to go meet this girl who works at this shop, she is from my town and her mom and mine go out boozing together back in said town. So I go out to the underground to take the train to the shop. The subway is target poor. There is an average asian lady across from me on the train, but I am not inclined to open. My plan is to hit a cafe before the shop and ask a cute girl directions to the shop. The cafe is staffed by men, so I save my question for the streets. Outside I cross paths with a cute girl on a bike, and open with a 'hey'. She is receptive, and I get directions, but I didn't push forward with her and go for a hook. I could have transitioned from directions to seduction by asking 'what color are your eyes?' or something like that as she had interesting eyes and was quite cute. She was kind of surprised to be approached by I do not think there was any creepy vibes. Enough for a brief warm up.

I walk into the shop, and the girl is right there. Short and overweight but kind of cute. A 5 perhaps? So I talk briefly, making confirmation about how our mothers want us to meet, and then go pull out my phone and go for contact information, but she basically says she doesn't see people and has no life. So we go on chatting about where she went to school and yadda yadda and some stuff in the shop. I pulled out my phone too early. I thought that the background with our mothers was strong enough that I could reach for her number soon. It was too soon. We had a good conversation and maybe if I went for the number at the end, it would have been different? Auto rejection? I do give her some opening at the end of the conversation, it is rejected.

The commute home is target poor and I make no approaches. I don't know what to do with myself to have success in this game, if all you get is rejection, blow outs, and failure; how can you possibly improve? There has to be some success somewhere to gain an edge, otherwise I just continue to kick sand and smash my head against the wall.

 

[Rakehell]

Hey man you sound pretty pessimistic about this whole thing. Maybe consider direct coaching so that someone can help you with your immediate issues.

The moment you start taking this thing too seriously is the moment you shoot yourself in the foot. You’ll carry it around with you when things don’t go your way, it’s a downward spiral.

 

[Don Giovanni]

Props for writing a FR!

She is receptive, and I get directions, but I didn't push forward with her and go for a hook.

Fear of getting rejected?

she doesn't see people and has no life

I would interpret this as ''i'm worried i'm not cool enough for you'' or ''i'm free all the time'' . With this in mind you could number close easily at any time later, no need to make it super smooth. Fear of getting rejected?

I went out to a dive bar for a Pizza. It was overall target poor,

The commute home is target poor

Yes, there is less people out in general. Try to find places where you can find your kind of girls. Big shopping malls are good for volume, but I prefer cool coffee shops or vintage clothing stores... explore.

if all you get is rejection, blow outs, and failure

You didn't really get rejected. To get rejected you must try to close.

Looks like you're self sabotaging.... work on that. Push yourself to push things forward and try to HAVE SOME FUN.

 

[Egor]

Hey man you sound pretty pessimistic about this whole thing. Maybe consider direct coaching so that someone can help you with your immediate issues.

The moment you start taking this thing too seriously is the moment you shoot yourself in the foot. You’ll carry it around with you when things don’t go your way, it’s a downward spiral.

It is hard to maintain positivity when you are harshly blown out, for example yesterday morning I said something to the young lady sitting next to me on the train, and she just stood up and walked to some other car. That is psychologically frustrating. In other areas of my life, for example work and academia, I have had professors and managers laud my positivity and call me 'a breath of fresh air'. I am serious, serious about my hobbies and serious about my work; and that seriousness has led me to excel in those areas.

 

[pancakemouse]

I think to myself, how much effort I have put in making cold approaches and reading theory and this kid gets a date just like that.

You certainly hit the nail on the head.

Here's my challenge to you: take exactly the same amount of time you've already invested into reading theory and making cold approaches and invest it into increasing your sexual market value, starting with your looks.

Then, once you're satisfied with your looks, go get a DSLR camera and a tripod, take some photos of yourself, and redo your online profiles. Then, actually swipe (don't just leave your profile there) and start banging girls.

THEN, once you have abundance, you can come back and try to get better at cold approach.

 

[Egor]

Looks like you're self sabotaging.... work on that. Push yourself to push things forward and try to HAVE SOME FUN.

You think I am self-sabotaging during interaction? I think of self-sabotaging, I think of counterproductive behaviors and weak fundamentals. If I logged off of this wonderful board, and watched porn for the rest of the night, that would be self- sabotaging and set me back for days or weeks.

I understand the point about fun. That is why you continue most sports or hobbies. However, the fun comes from success. If you go fishing, and you consider yourself good at fishing, and take it seriously, and catch nothing day after day...that is not fun. If you go fishing and catch a big fish, catch fish in new waters...then you have fun, and, your interest grows and your skill grows. Without success, there is no fun, your interest wanes and you learn very little.

 

[ulrich]

Congratulations on keeping on trying!
I know this has been frustrating to you but if you keep searching, you will eventually find success.

Now, I am going to be hard on you… after reading some of your other threads, I get the feeling that you are intentionally focusing on the “what to say” part (which is intermediate) to avoid working on your fundamentals.
I’m 99% sure that you are getting such akward reactions because either you come off as unattractive or very socially akward.

Could you, in all honesty, talk more about your fundamentals skills?

 

[Starboy]

I am on bumble passively, but matches are very few and far between. I don't swipe I just have my picture and a couple lines 'in the water' and sometimes I get a look. I think to myself, how much effort I have put in making cold approaches and reading theory and this kid gets a date just like

I mean maybe he just has some good pictures and got lucky. You don't know anything about the girl or what she's like. A date might not lead to anything or she could be annoying who knows?

I walk into the shop, and the girl is right there. Short and overweight but kind of cute. A 5 perhaps? So I talk briefly, making confirmation about how our mothers want us to meet, and then go pull out my phone and go for contact information, but she basically says she doesn't see people and has no life. So we go on chatting about where she went to school and yadda yadda and some stuff in the shop. I pulled out my phone too early. I thought that the background with our mothers was strong enough that I could reach for her number soon. It was too soon. We had a good conversation and maybe if I went for the number at the end, it would have been different? Auto rejection? I do give her some opening at the end of the conversation, it is rejected.

I mean it sounds like your process is flawed. In the middle of the interaction you pull your phone out prematurely expecting to take her number down. You shouldn't do that until she's actually agreed to exchange numbers and you should only do that after you've asked her out. If you made a mistake like this what other kind of small errors are you making with women that we don't know about?

It is hard to maintain positivity when you are harshly blown out, for example yesterday morning I said something to the young lady sitting next to me on the train, and she just stood up and walked to some other car.

I mean that's not something you should take personally. What did you say specifically? Even if you didn't say anything weird or unusual it's a early morning commute and she's in her own head and probably just wants to get work or class undisturbed. She doesn't know what the intentions are of a random guy in a subway car is.

I am serious, serious about my hobbies and serious about my work; and that seriousness has led me to excel in those areas.

Being serious isn't the key to success in pickup. Yes you wanna be devoted to it and disciplined enough that you stick with it and keep learning,but that doesn't mean make it so life and death. It's hard to disassociate our emotions with something like this where we put our ego on the line. The guys who win out at the end learned to have fun with it and enjoy it somehow even when things don't go the way they want.

I understand the point about fun. That is why you continue most sports or hobbies. However, the fun comes from success. If you go fishing, and you consider yourself good at fishing, and take it seriously, and catch nothing day after day...that is not fun. If you go fishing and catch a big fish, catch fish in new waters...then you have fun, and, your interest grows and your skill grows. Without success, there is no fun, your interest wanes and you learn very little.

I'm not gonna lie i'm guilty of this myself having trouble finding pickup fun because I haven't gotten many results from it. I see it as a drag because I haven't succeeded yet,but I know a bunch of guys personally who have done well and I can be bummed out if I compare myself to much. But there have been fun moments for me like having some nice conversations with women and getting really pleasant reactions and making her day even if she had a bf . It's just easy for our brains to focus on the negative like the cute girl has a bf or I got ignored by one girl out of the 7 I talked to.

There are other things besides results itself that if you focus on it will make it easier for you to find pickup fun. Ironically when you do this results also come easier because you have less of a need for them.
Some examples are

• Appreciating women being friendly to a stranger
• Getting pleasant reactions from women
• Making a woman's day by giving her a genuine compliment
• The concept of social freedom and being able to express yourself and say what you want without being self conscious and worried about what others think about you
• Standing apart from other men and having the balls to do what 95% of men will never do
• Learning to appreciate progression no matter how small like being able to make a woman laugh or being better at maintaing good eye contact

Basically just give yourself small wins. Every approach is a small win no matter the outcome even if I get blownout. Look for small wins in as much as possible and you won't be as discouraged. Also try to maximize your looks as much as possible it should help.

 

[Rakehell]

It is hard to maintain positivity when you are harshly blown out, for example yesterday morning I said something to the young lady sitting next to me on the train, and she just stood up and walked to some other car. That is psychologically frustrating. In other areas of my life, for example work and academia, I have had professors and managers laud my positivity and call me 'a breath of fresh air'. I am serious, serious about my hobbies and serious about my work; and that seriousness has led me to excel in those areas.

yes but I find that being overly serious leads to over emotional investment in whatever you’re serious about

you’ll be thirsty for a win and dread every loss with each one making you more upset, which leads to pessimism, and emotional transference of that onto your target.

problablistecly you’re likely to get a date regardless of what you do, but in terms of your frustration that is what I suggest

at the very least relax before you go out

 

[Egor]

I have read theory, including books and these boards, for a year. It is paralysis by analysis. No one here or there has the same innate seduction instincts as each other or myself. I am going to quit all seduction literature including this board. I will continue to practice cold approach, fundamental maximization, and other social improvements. My next post will be a lay report, and then, there will be many more to follow.

 

[ulrich]

Again, I feel you’re evading the fundamentals discussion.

If you come across as ugly or akward, that’s something that needs to be worked first.
No amount of effort is going to override that.

 

[pancakemouse]

Yup. Sorry, but you're not going to become "normal" just approaching on your own. It would be like being on a deserted island trying to learn Chinese from a one-way radio transmission.

Record your infield, post it here for analysis.
Find wings in your city who can help you out, and copy their style.
Watch infield and compare it to what you're doing.

 

[Starboy]

I have read theory, including books and these boards, for a year. It is paralysis by analysis. No one here or there has the same innate seduction instincts as each other or myself. I am going to quit all seduction literature including this board. I will continue to practice cold approach, fundamental maximization, and other social improvements. My next post will be a lay report, and then, there will be many more to follow.

That's not a bad idea. It can benefit you to take a break from forums and just go out and accumulate more experience and grow your social instincts. Yes there are a lot of conflicting advice on a public forum like this where you have people suggesting different advice that may both work,but contradict each other. What you need to do is find a style that works for you and what you enjoy doing.

Doesn't have to be a lay report that's kinda restricting yourself. It could be another field report,but maybe with more interactions that can be broken down up to you.

 

[Sensation]

It doesn't sound like you feel that you have anything to offer a woman. Remember, she's chubby, a 5, and works in a store. What do you really need to be good enough for her? You're on this board working on an important part of your life, while she's probably doing nothing interesting. If it wasn't for the sex, would you even give a fuck about hanging out with someone like that? Even if a girl is better looking than you, it doesn't make her a better or more worthwhile person. Give yourself some more credit. If you go into an interaction believing you bring something to the table, you won't feel like you're looking for woman who will "give" you something. If it feels like you are involved in a fair exchange of value between you two, you will feel like you have earned it. Be awesome, and you will get awesome things.

 

[Beck Bass]

My man @Egor you gotta change that avatar, it creeps me out lol
I think someone already told you that, but our profile pic here generally is something that build us up, something we aspire to be, something or someone that inspires us... I can't imagine how that weird orc looking guy inspires you.

Theory only helps you as far as the stuff you're already doing.. This is why most people hate math, they don't really have much use for it other than basic counting. You have to go out there and interact with women and find some sticking points first and then you go and read about what can help you... Just reading for the sake of reading is mental masturbation (thought I'll admit it myself that many times I read random GC articles before going out, you never know what can help you... Though generally they are related to something I'm working on).

Did you try the begginers challenge yet? I think you should give it a try, it gives you pratical steps to go improving. You just gotta do it, really.

Also, as @Sensation said, you gotta have some confidence in yourself, man. Even if it feels like you don't have much value right now, because you're not getting results, you have to BELIEVE deep down that you're attractive, that you're a man worthy of attractive women, for women to believe it too. If this means "faking until you make it", then so be it. Imagine you're some cool guy that does well with the ladies, like really try imagining this in your head, than become that guy.

The concept of social freedom and being able to express yourself and say what you want without being self conscious and worried about what others think about you

You remember that dude, Liam McRae? He was a fun guy, too bad he disappeared from the seduction community. I learned a lot from his videos.