Classic. Great 1st date, 2 no replys later, worth trying?

[razir110]

Hey everyone!
So I met this really cool girl and i took us a while to finally meet, but anyways I wasnt around, she wasnt around bla bla. We finally met in the afternoon and had a really cool time. The date started a bit as all other ones, but later on we really had something connecting there. I was touchy with her and so was she. So we ended up in the lobby of my building, but there were a few people around and I didnt go for the kiss I also didnt want to invite her upstairs (maybe I should have). We said goodbye, hugged bla bla and she left (her bus stops right in front of my building.) She called me next day, we had a chat on the phone. cool.
I texted her the next day to have dinner. no reply. Now 3 days later I called her, she didnt reply, so i texted her. So far no reply..
Here comes your opinion. What might be wrong here? We had a good time, we had the signals around and she called me next day. Yes, maybe I was a bit pussy not to kiss her, but can it be such a huge turn off for her? Should I keep insisting?
The thing here is I AM into her, so I dont think of giving up just like this, I mean this would be following the rules, 2 no answers=bye bye, but this is what happens with all the guys she gets to reject probably! I want to be different here. My idea would be to send her flowers with a cocky, confident and funny message, something like "If you expect me to comply with you ignoring me, u are wrong. I demand a date or I will keep sending these forever, my uncle owns a flowers plantation" or play the "friend card" "I know you have been through a lot lately, I still want to see you. I don't want to lose a friend like you". she wouldn't expect an approach like this. And if I still get dumped, at least I will come out as someone different. What u guys think?
I'd appreciate some help here! thankz!

 

[Richard]

Re: Classic. Great 1st date, 2 no replys later, worth trying

IVK, congrats on bagging the first date, with the connection you two seemed to pose from what you were saying, it sounds like she was into you, and as you said, the fact that you didn't kiss her or invite her upstairs shouldn't have turned her off to you unless she was only looking for a one night stand in which case she probably wouldn't have called the next day.

With you however, I would have advised not texting her the next day asking to go to dinner that night for a few reasons:
1- It shows that you are too free, you're making yourself far too available for her, and not allowing her to invest her time in you (LAW OF LEAST EFFORT)
2- There is a yes ladder, and there is a "NO!" ladder. Basically, when a person says no, they are defending with their entire being (subconsciously), in the act of saying no, a person's body chemistry, and entire disposition can change. Once a person says no once, they are more likely to say it again, thus, if she wasn't available for dinner that night, she would have said no, so, the next time it was more likely that she would have said no.

Outside of that though, you handled things well with her not responding. I follow Chase's advice when girls don't answer, no reply = don't say anything to her for a day, 2 no replies = don't say anything for 3 days, 3 no replies = don't say anything to her for a week.

And definitely don't send flowers! It will creep her out for sure, but, it would be a funny gesture to make if you two were dating and in a relationship, definitely don't do it after the first date, IT WILL SCARE HER! All in all, give it a few days of rest, let her be for a little while, and during this time, I'm sure she'll end up texting you or hitting you up. Women, like all humans, seek the feeling of importance, if you text her or contact her almost daily, you're satisfying her feeling, stop satisfying that feeling for her, and she'll end up contacting you for it =)

GOOD LUCK OUT THERE,
Richard =)

 

[razir110]

Re: Classic. Great 1st date, 2 no replys later, worth trying

Richard, thank you very much for your reply!
First I totally agree with you on the point that I made myself too available for her by texting her the next day. The thing is.. it's due to our jobs.. We both work in teh same company and we dont ever have fixed schedules, so basically we had that night off in common and the next one could come maybe in two weeks time. By that time the magic could be gone. And here I would like to ask you another question. Do you think it's ok to kinda wait so much to see the person again? Imagine if I had to wait for 2 more weeks to meet her, would it be too much? She could meet someone else, become disinterested, etc. Or I'm wrong?
And about the flowers thing, my idea here is to make the last try, something she doesn't get often, I mean most of the guys would just call or text. But I don't want to put myself in that category of "like all others" In my vision of this situation, a call would be a 100% guaranteed "no", so if I do make that one last move, it has to be something that she would not expect from the "average guy". If I don't make this original and confident, perhaps it's better just to let her make the move? I agree that it could freak her out, bu she understood I am interested in her and she is not replying to my signs of attention. Only by itself it's not a good sign. So the last shot has to be something "wow" to her and yes it could be a "wtf?" but don't you agree that it could eventually impress her (if she is actually into me in some way and she is hesitating, playing games, indecisive, whatever)? Like let her wait for a week, if she doesn't say anything, do it? Plus it would be a fun social experiment since I guess in this situation I don't have much to loose!.. Maybe u have some other less radical, but still "different" ideas to make the lats approach?

Thank u so much for your help man!

 

[Richard]

Re: Classic. Great 1st date, 2 no replys later, worth trying

The point of light texting and talking during periods of absence where you two don't see each other is to extend your window of opportunity by keeping you in her mind without you having to chase her. Unfortunately I'm writing this from my phone, so I'll post more later for you

 

[Richard]

Re: Classic. Great 1st date, 2 no replys later, worth trying

Back home now =) Anyway, seeing as how I don't know the context of the situation, how the two of you met, or how you initially text her a number of variables could be why she is acting the way she is. The best way to remove some of the variables is to just let some time pass, texting her almost daily makes you come off as needy, so I would give it some time. Perhaps, as you said with your work schedules, she just may be busy, and hesitant to answer a text is she saw it very late (some girls are like that, they feel like sending a text hours after reading it is impolite, and don't send one or return the call at all) so, I would wait to see what moves she makes. She seemed to be interested in you, and will more than likely hit you up before you text her again.

HOWEVER! if things don't work out, and you look to make a final move, if you have to play your last card, then you could possibly send the flowers. In general, I've learned not to make a final plea with women to hook their interest back around because 9 times out of 10 it just pushes them farther away. When a girl is interested, and knows you are interested as well, the final move you make is likely to be a huge one, and will usually solidify their disinterest in you. At this point in my life, I've elevated my game up and avoid situations like this, but, earlier, when I had less experience I would make a final move, and it never worked out.

If you do make a final move though, some things to avoid are things like: 1) flat out telling her of your interest in her 2) or anything overly verbally dramatic like that 3) Don't ramble and explain the context of the situation like "We went out on a first date, and things seemed great, I thought you were interested, blah blah blah" Avoid summing up the situation for her, and if you have to make the move, be subtle and implicit.

-Best of luck to you man,
Richard =)

 

[razir110]

Re: Classic. Great 1st date, 2 no replys later, worth trying

Hey Richard!
Well it turns out that your (and mine lol) intuition on this was right. She texted me this morning saying she has been away and she wants to meet me today. It happens i cant make it today and tomorrow Im leaving for a few days. So how would u play this one? text her like 24h later, just before I leave the country? or later, like 2 days? I dnt want to look "too available". And definitely not after this waiting week she made me go through!.. What would u say in the text? I was thinking of something dry like "hey, well now I am going away for a few days, I will text u when I come back. nice to hear from u, bye" with no mention of her little waiting game BS of course.
What u think man? Thank you for the advices! Bye!

 

[NarrowJ]

Re: Classic. Great 1st date, 2 no replys later, worth trying

Ivk,

BIG difference in coming off as "dry and uninterested" and being "interested, but genuinely busy". You want the latter.

Wait 24 hrs to respond, but when you do:

1) Dont be apologetic about taking 24 hrs to respond, or that you'll be away for a while.
2) Do make it apparent that you're looking forward to seeing her when you get back.

Best of luck!
NJ

 

[Richard]

Re: Classic. Great 1st date, 2 no replys later, worth trying

Exactly as NJ said, wait 24 hours to reply, and simply follow J's two guidelines. It sounds like things will work out for you with her if you play things right, and I'm sure you will, if you need any more help, simply reply.
- Good luck bro,
Richard

 

[razir110]

Re: Classic. Great 1st date, 2 no replys later, worth trying

Thank u very much for the advices! Im back from leave now and I texted her to meet to lets see whats goes on here!
Cheers

 

[razir110]

Re: Classic. Great 1st date, 2 no replys later, worth trying

Read alert. She called me and told me that some friends and her are gotta dinner out tonite and she was wondering if i would come. Wtf is that? a social test to see how i hang around her friends or lack of interest? Please give me some advice here! I accepted to come over btw

 

[razir110]

Re: Classic. Great 1st date, 2 no replys later, worth trying

Ok update
So I went to this dinner and it totally sucked. for a few reasons.first there were like 2 different groups on the table she and 2 friends (her flatmate and other dude) and other like 7 people that me or them didnt know. Plus her 2 friends werent talkative at all like the guy was one of those a-lot-about-him-self idiots and the girl had no sense of humor what so ever, so it kinda difficult to talk to them lol.. I was really thinking of leaving at a certain point. Anyways when that idiocity was finally over, we went to pay (4 of us) and we went outside. the two friends kinda stepped aside and we had a short chat about nothing and she said we have to meet again without all those people. I teased her in the beginning that she was too shy to meet me in person, she kinda joked back. We said goodbye and left in different directions, the 2 girls were on the car with the other dude. Anyways to me this all looks like friendzone. I hoped that in the end she would leave with me to somewhere else but she had stuff to do in the morning (she really did, but come on.. she could spend an extra hour with me)
What ya think?