Cluster B??

[Greco]

Hey guys,

I am (kinda) with a girl for almost a year now. For the last 3 months we don't live in the same city (because she went to work for her father for the summer) and since the beginning of August she dumped me because I went to a party(yeah I know)...BUT we still talk almost everyday and either we fight or be cool, but mostly fight.


The thing is we've had a lot of fights that got out of control because she accused me of cheating her, which I did not, and she was acting very angry and like a 15-year old child. She blamed me, did not take responsibility for any of her actions or she was very neutral about apologizing. Always the fault was mine and I tried to fix things. Always I was doing something that was making her incomfortable. She has a lot of mood swings and she told me that she devoted herself to me and I didn't appreciated that, so now she doesn't believe I deserve her to be devoted to me. I try to cut contact with her, but either I re-initiate contact myself either she becomes somewhat mellow and we start talking on her own terms. Still she says she can't be with me.

The problem I have is that I can't figure out If I am with a Cluster B girlfriend or just suck at relationship skills/management.

I feel very down and unmotivated. I can't figure out if I miss her or if it's the emotional abuse.

-John

 

[Sandman]

Dude, you need some tough love so I'm not gonna sugar coat it. Don't be a pussy and cut contact ASAP!

Doesn't matter if she is identified as a "Cluster B" or not. This is a toxic relationship, why are you still talking to her? Just take responsibility and screen / manage the relationship better next time. Most importantly, Never Submit to a Woman Again.

Good luck

 

[Greco]

Dude definitely give me tough love, no need to be gentle.

Why do you believe I've submitted to her?

 

[Sandman]

1) She broke up with you but you still talk (I presume no sex). Why?

2) She dumped you because you went to a party? You're the Man, she is the Woman. She can't control you, tell you where to go, what to do. She's not your boss. If she "dumps" you because of that. You tell her ok. and never contact her again (unless she sincerely apologizes a lot).

3) You say she accuses you of cheating but you haven't done anything. She was acting angry. She cannot treat you this way. She gets angry, you get more angry, you get scary angry and shut her the fuck up. Either that or just block her.

4) You say he fault is always yours. This is a domination attempt. My first ex usually complained to me about that. Because whenever we fought she always ended up apologizing. This I do not recommend anymore because it's better I think to manage the relationship without fights at all. But I can clearly see what she's doing. She's dominating you, making you feel like you are always on the wrong and she is always on the right.

5) She straight up tells you, you do not deserve her devotion. See the problem here?

6) You can't help re-iniating contact while she says she can't be with you.You are chasing her like a lost puppy dude. I guarantee you whatever respect and lust she had for you long dried up.

This situatuon is not salvageable. So cut contact with her, delete her everywhere. Never look back.

Good news is there are millions of girls out there and you can use all the misery you feel to motivate you to get better and fuck those chicks. And you have already met the site to help you do that.

Good luck bro!

 

[Greco]

Well, she's still out of town and supposedly she'll come the next week or the other..and maybe meet each other.

She says that she feels uncomfortable with me going to a party drinking and maybe flirting, and I MADE her dumped me.


At the mid of August, I told her to stop talking since we can't be together and she reinitiated contact twice, and the second I was fooled to accept it.

I told her yesterday, that there is no meaning to talk since we fight all the time and that I'd like to meet with her when she comes to town. She called me today, we talked kinda normally, and then called again half hour back and just as we were making fun, she stared accusing me that I flirt with girls and meet lots of people and after I deflected with a joke, we paused and then she says

"Ok, I'm getting angry now, we should hung up. " , we said goodbye and hung up.

I sent her a message saying that, making false accusations and getting angry is something we must not have, and that I suggest that was the last time this kind of thing happens.


Also, thanks a lot man for your interest and advice.

 

[Seppuku]

Hey Greco,

mrre's analysis is spot on, I couldn't say it better.

I don't think she's a cluster B. The problem seems to be that you let some bad precedents and wrong expectations established at the onset of the relationship.

If you really enjoy such and such activity once in a while (e.g. going to a party, or whatever!), then by all means you should continue to do this, exactly the same, once you get into a relationship, and from the very beginning. If she's going crazy because of this, let her be crazy and eject if she dares. If you make it absolutely clear it's take it or leave it, from the very beginning, she will be the one bending to your frame - trust me about that. If you're the one to compromise, then you're the one bending to her frame. Tough luck changing this later on. You should push the right expectations from the very beginning.

Also, you should never deny any accusations under pressure. Yes, I know you didn't mention denial, I'm just making sure. If she accuses you (e.g. "you're cheating on me") and you deny, you will only reinforce her accusation in her mind, and in addition will pass for a liar. She is getting some ascendant on you. Never let yourself cornered in the defendant position. You can play offended "I am not taking this!!! This conversation is over!" and cut it sharply. It is useless arguing at this stage. Later on when things have cooled down, you can initiate the conversation, and make your point calmly (you didn't cheat), at your initiative and on your terms.

mrre is right, she is inducing feelings of guilt on you, then putting you in chasing position (i.e. "I break up and let you chase me") to have the upper hand on you and to dominate you. This cannot be a healthy relationship anymore.

She broke up with you but you're the one re-initiating contact. You're demonstrating neediness. Why? There are millions of girls out there. Why hanging on that particular girl? It is going to be much easier to get a brand new girl from scratch, than reversing the existing frames and bad precedents in this relationship.

Next time, just remember that with a girl the right expectations should be set from the very early beginning. Also, remember that you cannot have the upper hand in the relationship if you are not willing to let her go! This is where abundance mentality is crucial.

Seppuku
PS. I once had a case where the girlfriend was going crazy and started yelling (don't remember why). I interrupted her "I am not taking that. Is that all you had to say?" That statement undermined her (she expected me to go defensive so that she could continue to unfold her little drama). "Yes..." "Then come with me" I take her to my car, and drop her to a taxi stand. She was boiling. We never met again (although we still chat occasionally on Whatsapp). And I lived happily ever after, and I fucked another dozen girls, and slept good at night. The end. That's why we do seduction. So that we can be free from these little dramas.

 

[Greco]

Hey Seppuku,

First of all thanks for the extended reply..!

So, I didn't know exaclty what to do with angry false accusations, and I defended myself in order to not let it in the air (as we do with not letting the girl deny the chase frame we tell her). Apparently I should not defend myself and only allow girlfriends talk to me calmly.

I believe a lot of my mistakes and neediness comes from lack of absolute abundance. I'm not really afraid that I won't find another gal to fuck, it's just that I'm thinking :

"Damn, where I'm gonna find another girl like that? We've had amazing connection..!"

So yeah...and thinking that I made mistakes hurts my ego a lot and I feel th urge to ask you ways to reverse the whole thing, but you've already guys said to me what to do.

We fought over the phone at the afternoon and we haven't spoken since. If she ever contacts I should just ignore right?

 

[Seppuku]

I would like to tell you that there is a way to revert and fix what has gone wrong, but in fact there is no easy fix. Seduction knowledge tells you where you want to be, and how to get there starting from scratch. But when you end up being too far away of where you should be, the work to change course is just much greater than just starting elsewhere from zero with another girl.

We fought over the phone at the afternoon and we haven't spoken since. If she ever contacts I should just ignore right?

Yes, you ignore. Leave it. And don't contact her. Silence and peace. With her, you need a big step back now, take a distance for a month or so. You will feel better. And you will see things more clearly.

Take care of yourself. Go out and party. Enjoy your life again. Fuck some girls. Much better than spending an afternoon fighting over the phone, no?

And don't beat yourself over your "mistakes". It is the same mistake 95 pct of men do in their relationship, namely not managing it. They settle in their relationship and think they're good and can relax, when in fact they can't afford to relax. With a woman you need to set the right expectations very early on, then stay vigilant of the relationship dynamics.

 

[Greco]

Yeah, it's time to start writing the music I was putting off for a long time, and actually pursue a mission.

Now, it seems to me that it will be very difficult to find another girl to form such a strong connection with but I trust Chase
that absolute abundance exists and every girl can be replaced.

Thanks a lot for the advice Seppuku and mrre..!