Cold Approach (Are you single?)

[Ryan0802]

During most of my cold approaches I usually use the line "Are you single?" which seems to work rather well most of the time - if I'm rejected it can often be due to a boyfriend.
From a psychological standpoint: It has helped me approach much more, especially warming up, because it knocks away any approach anxiety. Because if I'm rejected it typically isn't me, but because she has a boyfriend.

My questions:
1. I feel like I'm missing out on many women who are single (especially if I'm in a club scene) that would otherwise have been okay talking & having quick sex. Thoughts on this? Is it helping or hurting my cause?

2. I notice some of their responses are 'kind of' or 'talking to someone but not really sure what we are yet' - to which I count to five openly on my fingers and then ask if they are single now, adds a bit of humor. I'm implying these responses as 'I may or may not be single, but it doesn't matter, because I can be swayed'. Is that typically what this response means? How would I progress this forward?

-Typical approach is intro line showing direct interest (or indirect line that leads to me then showing direct interest) - followed by - "I had to come over and ask, are you single?"


Thanks everyone!

 

[Mr.Rob]

Hey man sounds like your doing good. I'd definitely try mixing up your routine with some different openers to test and get a feel for things. I typically just use whatever first comes to mind these days, i.e. if I really like her fashion I'll go direct compliment, if I think she's cute I'll ask her if she's single, if she's lazily unoccupied I'll use a situational opener, etc.

"Are you single?" is really not so much an opener to find out her relationship status (you really don't care and should disregard whatever she says since she could be lying because she's uncertain about you after 3 seconds of knowing her) but more so a direct opener to gauge her interest in you. So treat it as such. Its equivalent to asking "hey are you into me?" and she either answers "Yes!", "No!", or "kinda/maybe". No matter what she now knows you are interested in her, which is the whole point of the opener to begin with --> To display your direct interest in her.

So no matter what she says just give her good eye contact, smille (don't flinch if she says "No"), and say "oh cool.. so anyway [change the subject]" and just have a normal interaction with light deep diving and some fun banter/flirting (which even girls that are in a relationship will engage in).

Happy pimping,
-Rob

 

[ProblemSolving]

Because if I'm rejected it typically isn't me, but because she has a boyfriend.

Good lesson to learn. If you look above average and can small talk like a normal person, then most of the time you will be rejected because the girl is sexual unavailable.

1. I feel like I'm missing out on many women who are single (especially if I'm in a club scene) that would otherwise have been okay talking & having quick sex. Thoughts on this? Is it helping or hurting my cause?

Yes. Don't ask girls at the club if they are single haha. If they are at the club without a boyfriend, it's safe to assume whatever relationship she is in isn't very important to her. Getting her to admit that she is not single just puts another obstacle in front of you that could have easily been avoided. Stick to being direct at the club.

2. I notice some of their responses are 'kind of' or 'talking to someone but not really sure what we are yet' - to which I count to five openly on my fingers and then ask if they are single now, adds a bit of humor. I'm implying these responses as 'I may or may not be single, but it doesn't matter, because I can be swayed'. Is that typically what this response means? How would I progress this forward?

This can means two different things:

1 - She's lying and not interested for whatever reason, but she's trying to let you off easy.

2 - She's telling the truth and the relationship that she's currently in isn't really doing it for her.

How you spot the difference is in one key word - "but".

Examples: "Not really single, buuuut sometimes I wish that I was haha"
"Sort of seeing someone, buuuuut he's taking forever to make a move"

If you hear "but", the "relationship" isn't very serious so proceed as normal.

 

[Fuck This]

The only thing that "Are you single?" accomplishes is to immediately tell you if you don't have a chance. It is like calling someone's hand before the pot gets big enough (Card game Metaphor).

Instead ask something more along the line of what you really want to know:

In a club or bar. "So you here with anyone?" To determine if she is planning to leave with her girlfriends or the guy from work who asked her out for a drink, or her boss entertaining clients, etc. This let you figure out what her social obligations are and provides another opportunity to deep dive. It also lets you know where you rank in her priorities that night.

"Are you single?" seems like you are LOOKING for a reason for her to disqualify you and shut you down.

"Are you single?" does not convey that you are a guy who she should introduce to her hotter friend.

"Are you single?" Immediately tells her you are looking for single women, and gives a chasey vibe, as opposed to the relaxed demeanor of a guy with plenty of options but might be up for one more if she plays her cards right.

It happened to me the other night, when I told a married female friend that I was divorced since we last had talked. She quickly asked me "So are you single?" and it put ME on the defensive. Why?
1) I didn't want her introducing me to her fugly friends as a "pity move"
2) I didn't want to be seen as desperate and alone.
3) I didn't want her and her friends thinking I didn't have options...

 

[ThePhoenix]

Hi Ryan,

I can certainly relate to wanting to knock away the approach anxiety, which has for me been a horrible limitation that I'm starting to overcome through a lot of perseverence and some very strict and extreme measures I have taken with myself.

If you can manage to do approaches without deflecting the blame for failure, while harder I think that would leave you in a stronger position. I try to look at it as experimentation and learning; as I have different results with different women and different approaches, it has helped me to start internalizing that if she rejects me, she isn't rejecting me as a person, but instead she is rejecting the particular manner in which I approached her, and also her own individual factors and circumstances come into play.

As for the merits of that particular line ("Are you single?"), there are some very good points made in the other answers, but I thought I might add another angle. I've already written my thoughts on that line in some detail so I'll instead direct you to this post I made on Rain's journal (like you, he was using this line consistently). Disclaimer: I have never even tried the line.

Cheers!
Phoenix

 

[Ryan0802]

Wow guys, this was very enlightening!
I appreciate every single one of your replies, and they all give me a much better perspective on when to use the line and how to interpret it.

Thanks a ton!