Cold approaching does not work how I imagined it would!

[132]

Till recently I thought that cold approaching works straight forward. If your hit rate is 1 in 15-20 - you just approach 15-20 girls and BOOM you got a date.
So if I'd approach 100-140 girls in a week I'd get 6-7 dates.

Boy was I wrong. I'm still surprised how much lower your odds are cold approaching vs social circle. In social circle you meet a girl at school/university/work/some activity you see each other often, flirt, you know you both like each other. So you ask her out and she says yes. That how 99.9999999999% of relationships start I doubt there are a lot of men doing day game cold approaching in the world.


But in day game cold approaching you don't have the luxury of waiting for signs that a girl likes you and wants you to approach. Most of the time you have less than 5 seconds from noticing her to never seeing her again. So in my now 100 approaches - 99% of the time I didn't get any sign the girl likes me.
Also just to clarify here girls are different from American girls. I've heard and read how american girls might give you a smile or sth like that to show you they want to be approached. Here girls look you dead serious even in the cases when I knew the girl was super into a guy. I think that's because girls are into her daily routine and are stuck in their heads, thinking about sth about work or school or sth else. So their faces are neutral.

I get what you guys mean that you much snap a girl out of this state and pull her in the moment. Also I learned that most girls are really startled by a direct approach.
It's too much, even for the ones that do like you. The only ones that might not get startled are the really experienced and sexual women older than 25.


So out of those 100 I can't say that any lead to a date. They were most fast rejections. I think there are 3 reasons:
- the direct approach is just too much and the hit rate will bet less than 1 in 20, more like 1 in 50, just because girls are really startled and don't know how to respond
- my fundamentals, though I don't think that's it - I'm well above average and get girls checking me out regularly
- the way I deliver the approach - how I say it, my body language, also how I handle the the conversation the first 1-2 minutes, how I'm coming across.




I was so naive thinking that I just need to start approaching and will get a date withing the first week or so. Now I get that it takes time and practice. I see that getting over approach anxiety and starting to approach is just the first small step in a process of improving my skills.

At leas the biggest thing I achieved is that a rejection does not hurt or matter to me anymore. There is another BIG factor that helped me with this though. And when a girl rejects me I think to myself how retarded she must be that she doesn't know what she's missing and who I'm going to become in the next 2 years(there's something big coming that I'm working towards). And how it not me wanting a chance to be with this girl. I't me giving her a chance to be with me, before the big thing comes to light. I''m giving her the chance of a life time that only a handful of women around the world will have.
And it makes me laugh and smile when she throws that away by rejecting me and having no idea how much she's missing out on, by not going out with me.



So for all the newbies just stating out this is my message: day game cold approaching is really easy after the first 10-15 approaches. You'll have almost no success and will get rejected A LOT, even if you have great fundamentals - your body language and process will be bad and cost you lots of girls. But it stops hurting and it actually feels kinda good to get rejected (not sure if anyone else experiences this but it makes me have a huge smile and adrenalin rush when I approach a girl and even when I get rejected). And if you know you have a great future and will become one of the most influential people on the planet(you have to believe it and have a big enough ambition and work towards it every single day), it stops being about you getting a change, and becomes you giving her a chance to be with one the greatest men that have aver lived

 

[Richard]

Ico - allow me to pick out a few things.

You should be aware of the fact that it usually takes 3 months of rejection and hardship before you start seeing solid results - and a little less time for the more advanced learners.

If you're cold approaching just anybody then your numbers will be about 1 out of 15 if you keep at it - and will be closer to 1 out of 4 if you're a target approacher and learn to read people before approaching.

If you ask women how they imagine how they'd ideally meet the man of their dreams - most women say on the street, or in a random encounter at the store or something to that effect.

But in day game cold approaching you don't have the luxury of waiting for signs that a girl likes you and wants you to approach. Most of the time you have less than 5 seconds from noticing her to never seeing her again. So in my now 100 approaches - 99% of the time I didn't get any sign the girl likes me.

You do get a lot of signs that aren't so obvious when you're out and about and it takes hoards of approaches before you really pick up on them - and you shouldn't really approach a girl unless you two have caught eyes before you approach - and don't approach with your body language facing her completely it comes off too strong.

I think that's because girls are into her daily routine and are stuck in their heads, thinking about sth about work or school or sth else. So their faces are neutral.

This is largely due to the questions you're asking post-approach - if you ask questions that girls here every day then their faces remain emotionless. But - when you learn to ask questions that sound exciting and get her thinking then you break her of that auto-pilot and get to the root of conversation.

Also I learned that most girls are really startled by a direct approach.
It's too much, even for the ones that do like you. The only ones that might not get startled are the really experienced and sexual women older than 25.

Again - this is largely do to you. If you two haven't caught eyes before you approach, and if your body language is facing her directly, and if your nonverbals are off then she's going to be startled (which you can make good or bad). She can be startled but be intrigued or excited or a number of other positive things - a good approach is a rush for her as well because it's something that most guys simply can't pull off.

I don't know what your direct approach lines are either, or how you're saying them so, again, I can't help there. But! I'll tell you that I was cold approaching solidly after 3 months time (with 2 months composed of me beating approach anxiety --- ahhh memories) and was using lines like "Are you single?" and direct complimenting.

My closing thoughts are that you have the right attitude though - that rejection doesn't hurt (and more often than not it's not your fault either), and sticking with it will give you a skillset that most men in the world simply do not have. Though I'm speaking from a biased stand-point because I'm a stone cold direct day-gamer =P

You're on the verge of being a day-gamer and I look forward to seeing your progress.

-Richard

 

[PinotNoir]

Maybe you just have really good social circle game, and these social circle habits aren't translating well to day game. This would be things like trying to be too funny or too much of the entertainer or too much like a friend, etc.

Personally, my social circle game isn't that good and never has been. Almost all of my past girlfriends before GC were either from completely new girls introduced into the social circle or complete strangers that I met at a party or the library or very rarely in some random occurrence (e.g., my friend and I just got off work from our grocery store job in high school. We were by our cars and changed from our work shirts to our regular shirts real quick. Well, some girls saw us and whistled at us, and we ended up going on a double date right then to the movie. Very rare, but awesome).

Anyway, I agree that it's unrealistic to assume that you'll get a date on the very first day that you go out to approach women. Don't expect this. Don't even expect the first week to go like you want.

However, I have to say that my experience was different, but it probably has to do with age, location, and whatever amount of fundamentals you have before trying to improve yourself with GC. I'm a pretty average looking guy though, and I got a date within a couple of months of following GC with not that many approaches (less than 30; don't remember exact numbers).

If you read (and try to apply and improve) a few basic articles on fundamentals (pre-opening/slow-opening/opening, posture, eye contact, smile, conversation, when to ask for the #, yes-ladder), find at least 5 good places with women you like (grocery store, mall, strip of malls, market, park, etc.), approach 3 women each day 3 days a week for a month (so a total of 3 * 3 * 4 = 36), I guarantee that you'll get a date. In fact, you may not even need to approach that much. If you really want to get a date, then if a girl has a boyfriend, do NOT count her as one of the girls approached -- only count single girls.

Lastly, I've found the quality of women from cold approach to be so much better. It just sucks because it takes more work on improving yourself and how you interact with women. It takes more time (at least when you're a beginner). It can also be more stressful and/or emotional, especially if this your first time cold approaching girls. However, why are the girls better? Even if the girl looks exactly the same as a girl in social circle, I've found it to be 10x better because you've made such a bold statement. You're an exclamation mark in her life. She may not chase you, especially if she's experienced and/or you're still improving your game. I ran across this with experienced girls. But, for the average woman, they will be a lot more likely to chase you. Ever been waiting by the phone for a girl to text/call you? Ever been thinking about a girl non-stop? And you're the one having to initiate text, etc. Well, from cold approach, most women that I have dated initiated texting/calling first. It's just not something you get often in social circle.

 

[132]

If you're cold approaching just anybody then your numbers will be about 1 out of 15 if you keep at it - and will be closer to 1 out of 4 if you're a target approacher and learn to read people before approaching.

I think in the beginning it's best to approach all girls that I like, not just ones who show interest. So I can get used to rejections and to jump at the deep end.

This is largely due to the questions you're asking post-approach - if you ask questions that girls here every day then their faces remain emotionless. But - when you learn to ask questions that sound exciting and get her thinking then you break her of that auto-pilot and get to the root of conversation.

Actually I don't get to asking them questions post approach. I mean I go direct with are you single or a compliment and there is no conversation. I just get directly I have a boyfriend, or why are you asking and then I say I think she's cute and would like to get to know her/sth like that and there comes the rejection. Or sometimes they don't even listen to what I have to say and just brush me off with "I'm sorry but I'm really in a hurry"

So there is no conversation

My closing thoughts are that you have the right attitude though - that rejection doesn't hurt (and more often than not it's not your fault either), and sticking with it will give you a skillset that most men in the world simply do not have. Though I'm speaking from a biased stand-point because I'm a stone cold direct day-gamer =P

.

I also prefer day game. I have always hated clubs, cause I have lots of bad memories there. When I was 16-17 going to clubs(with fake IDs, ooops) and getting rejected by girls and always looking at some douchebag pretending to be a big deal, getting all the girls, and it instilled a belief that night venues are for men who play that douche role perfectly. So since then I've always hated clubs. I've thought about going there getting a VIP table and throwing 20-30k like a big shot, but it's too flashy for me. I've talked about this, I don't like showing off my money.
So I think I'll be doing day game only.

And also I realize that it's up to me what success I have with women. If I work on improving - I'll get results it's just a matter of time and lots of approaches to learn.

Maybe you just have really good social circle game, and these social circle habits aren't translating well to day game. This would be things like trying to be too funny or too much of the entertainer or too much like a friend, etc.

As I said It didn't get to a conversation.

However, I have to say that my experience was different, but it probably has to do with age, location, and whatever amount of fundamentals you have before trying to improve yourself with GC. I'm a pretty average looking guy though, and I got a date within a couple of months of following GC with not that many approaches (less than 30; don't remember exact numbers).

The this is I'm approaching only the really hot girls I see. I hate the scale but I'd say the 9s and 10s. alsmost 90 out of the 100 were really top class girls. As I said I decided to start with the hottest and scariest .

It's actually weird that I do get lots of girls checking me out, but I don't approach those, I approach ones who have given me absolutely no indication of interest. Hmmm that's weird. I have no idea why that is. Any thoughts?



Btw thanks for the advice. I get that the experienced guys here have been working on their process for more than a year. So I get that I won't have much experience the first 100 or 200 approaches and it's fine.
I have something super important in my life right now. Plus there are less than 2 months till summer and when May ends, everybody leaves where I life now(a part of the capital that is populated only with hundreds of thousands of university students from all over the country) so it's a ghost town till the end of September. So I have till then to practice before the summer and during the summer at the seaside(I'm thinking or renting a beach house for 2-3 months with a big pool and I have my eyes on a yacht) at Sunny beach where it's full of tourists from all around the world, so I'll have variety. And I might splash some money who knows. I have reason to celebrate.

I've said that I'm 21 and dropped out of university to start a tech company and yesterday it got officially evaluated to be wort just under 200 million(not dollars but leva, it dollars it's about 140 mil). And I'm expanding, come October we're moving to a huge office and will be hiring another 20-30 programmers. Plus we're working on a few projects with huge potential as well as on a new social media website that I hope will go huge. We have 14 month deadline and if everything goes well in the next 1-2 years my company will get over the 1 billion evaluation mark(the financial advisers and prognoses say this). So I'm super hyped right now and am drinking champagne at this moment to celebrate the evaluation.

The only problem is that my company has started gathering interest from the media and I have a bunch of interview offers coming, which I decline cause I don't want people to know I have money. I've said it not even my friends know how much I have, they just know I'm doing well. The only reason I can talk about this here is cause it's anonymous and you guys don't know who I am. But if everything goes well(fingers crossed) and I do hit the 1 billion mark the next 2 years, I'll the youngest billionaire in my country(now I'm 21, till then I'll be around 23) and I'll have to get the spot light and for the entire country to know about me. It will be necessary for what I want to accomplish, so after that happens Idk how my dating life will go with that kind of fame. I'd honestly wish to get a serious girlfriends before that happens and I start getting attention.

But nevermind, at least I have sth important to work towards and to make those rejections not hurt(boy will every girl that's rejected me, be sorry when they see my picture on the cover of Forbes and the news). Hope it all goes well with the company and you'll be reading about me in Forbes

 

[Franco]

Ico,

Actually I don't get to asking them questions post approach. I mean I go direct with are you single or a compliment and there is no conversation. I just get directly I have a boyfriend, or why are you asking and then I say I think she's cute and would like to get to know her/sth like that and there comes the rejection. Or sometimes they don't even listen to what I have to say and just brush me off with "I'm sorry but I'm really in a hurry"

So there is no conversation

If you're starting to really feel comfortable with approaching now and feel like approach anxiety isn't an issue, you should really start to look into adding the next element to your approach, which would indeed be conversation.

While it's possible that your fundamentals might need some tweaking as well, it will be hard to tell unless you start throwing the other tips given on this website into the mix. Also, now that you've done ~100 openers with direct, you might want to consider using some indirect-direct or situational. Some guys on here love using direct during day game, but from the little day game I've done, I've almost always found situational, which is still a form of indirect-direct because I compliment the girl at some point, to be the best for me.

If you still want to use direct, then you might want to work on being warmer by starting casual, easy conversation with the girl to get her talking after the opener (especially if she's startled by you). Just ask her something simple that you can remember such as, "so what brings you out here today?" so that you can get her talking and start building up threads of conversation. From there, you can try to number-close and see what your results are. Do that for another 50 approaches, and then try adding deep-diving into your next cycle of approaches and see where that gets you.

My point here is that you want to make sure that you aren't just making the same mistake over and over again without progressing and/or adding more elements to your approach, otherwise you'll end up like the stereotypical PUA who doesn't get anywhere past approaching because he keeps re-trying a failing routine.

It's actually weird that I do get lots of girls checking me out, but I don't approach those, I approach ones who have given me absolutely no indication of interest. Hmmm that's weird. I have no idea why that is. Any thoughts?

This happens to guys sometimes. The reason can be different, but sometimes you get nervous about approaching because you feel like you should do well since you were given an indicator that she's interested, and this will give you anxiety about approaching. Another reason, for example, could be that the excitement of the approach is taken away for you because you already know she likes you, so it feels too easy. As a beginner, however, I would certainly attempt to approach the girls who seem interested (as well as the ones who are not like you have been doing) so that you can get more reference points. Your first date will much more likely come from the girls who were checking you out!

But nevermind, at least I have sth important to work towards and to make those rejections not hurt(boy will every girl that's rejected me, be sorry when they see my picture on the cover of Forbes and the news). Hope it all goes well with the company and you'll be reading about me in Forbes

As a software engineer and programmer myself, I'm definitely intrigued! I'm looking forward to what you have in store. =)

- Franco