Coming clean about a previous lie after a few encounters: is it worth it (age)?

[lux7]

I am seeing an older woman.

As I knew her age I said I was 5 years older than I actually am the first time we met and we stuck with that -more often the same happened with younger girls where I said I was younger-.

I don't like lying though, inside you know it's not a frank and open relationship.
This website says it's less experienced people that have more qualms about lying but I actually feel that, often, lying is just weak.

Knowing you're lying on a rather important subject prevents you from enjoying a more sincere and honest relationship where you don't have to feel like you're hiding something all the time -unless you're totally comfortable with lying and with having different faces with as many different people, that is-.


Would you come clean?
And if so, how?
Out of the blue, or maybe waiting her confessing something intimate or, even better, a lie she herself said?

 

[Franco]

Re: Coming clean about a previous lie after a few encounters: is it worth it (ag

lucifer,

Would you come clean?
And if so, how?
Out of the blue, or maybe waiting her confessing something intimate or, even better, a lie she herself said?

Nah, the way to handle this is to just not even bring it up unless she discovers it (by seeing your ID or something). Assuming she doesn't ignore it altogether, at that point, you need to be very relaxed about it and almost find it as "funny" that she actually thought you were that age. If she likes you (and you two have already been to bed together), then age is obviously going to be no big deal in the grand scheme of things -- unless of course you're under 18 or under 21 (which are two rather significant ages). But I gather you're older than that.

The conversation would go something like this if it were me:

Her: "Wait, it says on your ID here that you were born in '91? Did you lie to me about your age?"
He: "You're just realizing right now that I'm not 28 years old? *laugh* Come on, babe! You knew I wasn't that old."
Her: "You totally lied to me about it! I didn't know!"
He: "And so now I'm a terrible person you never want to see again, right?" *smile*
Her: "Well, no... why would you do that, though?"
He: "I was just having some fun that night(/day) we met. You're telling me that you've never lied about your age before?"
(The answer here wouldn't really matter to me, but assuming she says 'no'...)
He: "Well, I don't really care if you have or haven't -- I like you and I think we have a great time together."
(At this point, she'll calm down and realize she's making a big deal over something that's obviously not a big deal to you)

Anyway, this is just a sample conversation of how it might go, but the overall vibe you should be giving off is that it's not a big deal and you're surprised that she believed you in the first place. At that point, she'll know the truth, and you'll have avoided causing drama where it might have been unnecessary. Remember, women mirror your actions -- if you make it seem like not telling her your age was a big deal, then she's going to MAKE it a big deal. If you make it seem like it wasn't a big deal (and you weren't planning on even bringing it up), then she's going to realize that it wasn't a big deal.

- Franco

 

[lux7]

Re: Coming clean about a previous lie after a few encounters: is it worth it (ag

Hey Franco!

Thanks for your suggestion!
Most likely that's what I'll do in the end, though not 100% convinced about it, maybe I've got too many "moral shackles", but I like the way you put it and liked your convo example, good one!

 

[Chase]

Re: Coming clean about a previous lie after a few encounters: is it worth it (ag

Lucifer-

Hey Franco!

Thanks for your suggestion!
Most likely that's what I'll do in the end, though not 100% convinced about it, maybe I've got too many "moral shackles", but I like the way you put it and liked your convo example, good one!

If you're uncomfortable continuing with the lie, and would rather get straightaway to the scenario Franco described, here's an easy one: just leave your driver's license out, or even better, forget it and ask your girlfriend to run back in and fetch it for you.

If she does that and doesn't say anything, either she doesn't care or she's so oblivious that she isn't likely to care.

You can always also take her to a birthday party with your friends and family, and while everyone's slapping you on the back saying, "Happy 29th!" and she's going, "Wait, I though you were 34?" you just look at her funny and go, "What? No, why would you think that?" and then she'll just think she's going crazy

Chase