Socializing Competing with leaders

[Mr. Wes]

Has anyone ever noticed that whenever you're around people who are lower social grace/status than you, it's just so easy to communicate with everyone? It's like this feeling like you're at the top, leading the group.
You look down on all them as they clumsily try to socialize and handle awkward silences. It's like you can see right through them. You see their souls, who they are, their insecurities...they're so transparent.
Then you take the wheel and become the leader. You help everyone have good feelings and handle any awkward situations that arise. You're really good at getting to know each one of them and it's as easy as just pointing out what you clearly see in front of you.

what I just described above is exactly what it's like for me whenever I'm in a room full of peers who are lower in social grace than I am. All of a sudden I feel powerful and I become the natural leader. I start feeling "alpha" or "popular" or whatever.
Now what I've also noticed is that I also will become the same as the people who have lower social grace when there's someone HIGHER than me. That person (usually male) becomes the leader (along with whatever alpha female who steps up there with him)
From my experience, I've never met many leaders (who are my peers) who successfully lead the group and make everyone feel good. They usually just keep to themselves and the orbiting girls around them and never try to help raise the status of any other guys in the room.
Kinda selfish but I undserstand why. I can't expect them to know how...they might not even have much social grace but just so happen to have more than me in that moment.
They, like me, have just gotten there by accident.

So my question is, if you were in this situation where an Alpha/leader was not really taking control of the situation, not like how YOU would, how do you take him down and take his place?
How do you raise your social status?

I'm not a natural leader and I've only ever been thrown into leadership positions by accident and I'm really curious about how I can CHOOSE to step up and become the leader. Normally, I will just let someone else take control because if I step up and don't have strength to back myself up, I will be in for an embarrassment when someone tools me and takes me down a notch.

 

[Richard]

Challenge that leader in a respectful way, or introduce them to a new idea/topic. Do something refreshing and invigorating with them.

In the social dynamics, in the "chain of leadership" if you will, people tend to become their roles. A leader becomes a leader, and displays leadership qualities, while underlings tend to develop underling type qualities. When you're around people you consider to be underlings, you take on your leadership qualities.

Now, if there is a leader in the room already, you yourself can take on your own leadership qualities and talk to that person.

I do it all the time.

What you'll find, is that most people who are underlings tend to feel some way towards the leader, and will usually coincide with what he says or does out of fear of his power, for group peace, or other psychological factors. But you'll also find that the most well respected and decisive individuals are those who can respectfully stand up to an established leader.

Believe it or not, there is a way to disagree with a boss, or higher up and still remain respectful.

I feel like this response is a little tangential, so if you have questions, please respond

-Richard

 

[Mr. Wes]

Yea I've noticed that. Whenever someone more powerful or intimidating is in the same place as me, I step down and become an underling.
I never thought about it like that though, that's a good idea. I just read the article: "how to become an alpha male without being a stereotype" and Chase says that a leader (in social settings) basically isn't try hard. He's not trying to be a social butterfly (which I've tried to do countless times), and he just goes straight for what he wants.(goes in, talks to the girl he wants, peels her off, and leaves with her)

I think a lot of guys see the whole group setting as scary because here you are, wanting to talk to that one girl, but everyone would know what you're up to if you keep away from everyone else but her. So they feel like they need to become a social butterfly and make everyone like them. Turns out jumping from person to person is exhausting.
I'm talking about small group setting btw like parties or meetings not like at a club or giant mansion house party.

 

[Just_Dave]

Everyone is my equal

M. Labre, talked about this very topic in "How to become a Scene Superhero"
It was 7 highlights on how to become a Scene Superhero
https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=110

His #1 was to remain humble

1. Be humble – At first and foremost, you are there to grow in the scene. Do not flaunt your successes. Downplay your achievements. Nobody likes a braggart. Let others come up with the praise and it will reward you much more.

I wrote my own piece on "Escaping Hierarchy Mentality"
https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=324&p=2302&hilit=Escaping#p2302

Treat everyone like they're on your level! Don't show favoritism, people catch unto this very quick. People and adjust quickly help people out when you can, don't write people off. You don't want things to come back and haunt you. Decide for yourself who you really are, and live your life the way that you want it. I encourage people to put their all and everything that they do, the more you put in the more you get out. Don't try and label people yourself, instead let them tell you what they are. Every person is different and we all have very different ideas and opinions

At the end of the day, I believe it's all about being open and sharing your thoughts. You can be afraid to tell people you have a problem and it's toxic to the group dynamic. A group is only as strong as it's weakest link. In my experience when a leader is only interested in their own power . . . they don't last long. At the end of the day it's all about teamwork. I strive to help leaders and build up my leaders. I don't want them to fail as much as I don't want myself to fail. We all started from somewhere.